The popular acronym A.D.I.D.A.S. stands for “all day I dream about sex.” I remember hearing it for the first time when I was in middle school, and thinking that it primarily just applied to men. Fast forward years later, I get paid to think and write about sex all the time. But surprisingly my sex drive is not nearly as active or pressing as my intellectual curiosity. In fact, my body rarely craves penetrative intercourse, even though I enjoy it thoroughly when it occurs. I more so crave the daily release of my sexual energy and built up hormones, which I’ve learned to channel into various activities. Sometimes it’s receiving oral sex. Sometimes it’s masturbation. Sometimes it’s writing. Sometimes it’s photography. The bottom line is that our daily sex drives aren’t always indicators that we need penetrative sex all the time. Truthfully, it can be rather exhausting if you prefer the way I do to go all in or not go at all.

I define good penetrative sex as energy-sucking, toe-curling, body-twisting exercise that tends to exhaust my partner and me. It’s pleasure on steroids, non-stop, rarely quick, and intense. It’s a thorough, deep, and attentive experience between my partner and me. It’s back-to-back orgasms, trying crazy positions, and matching each other’s lovemaking efforts.

I don’t need or want this everyday.

But I imagine there are women that enjoy penetrative sex on a daily basis, and men that may thank them for it. I’ve never lived with a partner or had one around every single day. But I often think about how my lack of desire for daily sexual intercourse will match my future partner’s desire. To be honest, I don’t give it too much thought, as I work very hard to honor when my body says yes or no regardless of how much I may care about the person. But it is something that I’m sure many women deal with, particularly as we balance careers, motherhood, and other daily interests.

Not all of us need or want penetrative intercourse everyday.

How does this influence our relationships with our partners? Are they understanding? Impatient? Frustrated? Or do they feel the same way and not need penetrative sex as a daily sexual energy release?

There are so many ways to disburse our hormones and desires. Often times, sexual energy is a great catalyst for creativity, health, or non-sex related sensual activities. It’s about finding the right balance for expression that’s suitable for your lifestyle and sex drive. It’s important to pay attention to and honor your personal needs.

How strong is your sex drive? Do you need penetrative intercourse on a daily basis? Or do you invest your sexual energy in other daily activities? Speak on it.

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  • For a long time, I was ashamed of my high sex drive. It dawned on me that no one talks to a girl or young woman about how much she will enjoy sex, only that there will be times when the word “no” needs to be used emphatically. When I am in a sexual relationship with someone, I’m pretty much in a constant state of sexual readiness. I’m not put off by headaches, stress, or time constraints. In fact, I find sex helpful and relieving in those situations. I don’t have sex with someone until I’m comfortable with them and I can go months without intercourse, but once I’m on that situation with someone, if they want it, they pretty much know they can get it.

  • Candy 1

    I like sex a lot, but my libido goes up and down depending on what is going on in my marriage and my hormones.

    • Hey gurl! Im 13 and bi. It can be hard i know . there are alot of great gurls out there our age that are totally hot but they’re aafird to come out.almost everybody is. If you wait a bit, it becomes easier. Message me if you wanna talk more! <3

  • Mr. Man

    I guess I’ll chime in..

    For a guy I really never had a strong libido, I even use to wonder if I even had any hormones. Believe it or not I remained a virgin all through school by choice, just never had an interest, funny thing is the girls even teased me when I turned them (the horny aggressive ones) down. Feel in love though and got married and all was good even two children later, but my libido was still very low for a male in my eyes, even my wife was puzzled as my drive was always below her’s.

    I Hit 40 and BAM!! I get this inner raging bull, one that has obviously been laying dormant all these years finally had awaken, ha, my wife calls me ‘Leo the late bloomer’. This sudden surge of sexual energy is all new to both of us so its been interesting to say the least.
    I’ve done some research on this but everything I’ve read says that at 40 most men’s sex drive begain to deminish.
    Anyone have any insight on this??? Any sex doctors in the house?

    • ermmmm

      how have you not had a strong libido..? wierd, for me soon as i hit puberty i had to rub one out up to 15 times a day… not joking it actually started to hurt when climaxing after 12.

      that went on from about 11 thru 15. after that it was still frequent but i would say up to 5 times a day. when i hit 20 i still felt the need up to 3 times a day. even after getting my first straight sex partner i would go 3-5 times a day just for sex and still occasionally felt the need to masterbate.

      nothings really changed for me personally i guess. I’m 30 at the moment and i still have to rub one out at least once a day…. If i don’t i get some really wild sexual dreams and one massive rock hard member all night long on top of the wake up and have to rub one out.

      I cant speak for all men but when im in a relationship yes i need penetrative sex every day. Bj’s and Hj’s are nice but no were near the same, not to mention not many women will swallow for some reason… you can say its gross and icky but personally dont even have a problem kissing you after the fact… so i dunno what your all grossed out about.

  • Me. Man

    Dang ermmmm sounds like your male member lead you like a slave and have been since puberty. Thankfully my wife is more than happy to relieve me when necessary, (as she would say its about dog-gon time). For this reason I personally don’t have or feel the need to take care of myself. It’s weird though at one time I could without for a month without a single urge. Now after three days I’m hurtin, need a bag of ice or something, it’s a trip.

  • I am a 42couple year old woman…and all i do is think about sex everyday all day…it’s very frustrating to find a man that can keep up…that can satisfy me….i masturbate all the time…2..3..4..times a day sometimes more…