The popular acronym A.D.I.D.A.S. stands for “all day I dream about sex.” I remember hearing it for the first time when I was in middle school, and thinking that it primarily just applied to men. Fast forward years later, I get paid to think and write about sex all the time. But surprisingly my sex drive is not nearly as active or pressing as my intellectual curiosity. In fact, my body rarely craves penetrative intercourse, even though I enjoy it thoroughly when it occurs. I more so crave the daily release of my sexual energy and built up hormones, which I’ve learned to channel into various activities. Sometimes it’s receiving oral sex. Sometimes it’s masturbation. Sometimes it’s writing. Sometimes it’s photography. The bottom line is that our daily sex drives aren’t always indicators that we need penetrative sex all the time. Truthfully, it can be rather exhausting if you prefer the way I do to go all in or not go at all.

I define good penetrative sex as energy-sucking, toe-curling, body-twisting exercise that tends to exhaust my partner and me. It’s pleasure on steroids, non-stop, rarely quick, and intense. It’s a thorough, deep, and attentive experience between my partner and me. It’s back-to-back orgasms, trying crazy positions, and matching each other’s lovemaking efforts.

I don’t need or want this everyday.

But I imagine there are women that enjoy penetrative sex on a daily basis, and men that may thank them for it. I’ve never lived with a partner or had one around every single day. But I often think about how my lack of desire for daily sexual intercourse will match my future partner’s desire. To be honest, I don’t give it too much thought, as I work very hard to honor when my body says yes or no regardless of how much I may care about the person. But it is something that I’m sure many women deal with, particularly as we balance careers, motherhood, and other daily interests.

Not all of us need or want penetrative intercourse everyday.

How does this influence our relationships with our partners? Are they understanding? Impatient? Frustrated? Or do they feel the same way and not need penetrative sex as a daily sexual energy release?

There are so many ways to disburse our hormones and desires. Often times, sexual energy is a great catalyst for creativity, health, or non-sex related sensual activities. It’s about finding the right balance for expression that’s suitable for your lifestyle and sex drive. It’s important to pay attention to and honor your personal needs.

How strong is your sex drive? Do you need penetrative intercourse on a daily basis? Or do you invest your sexual energy in other daily activities? Speak on it.

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