I can’t imagine that anything actually newsworthy was going on in the Benton Harbor, Michigan area in the days after Bonnie Miller fell into Lake Michigan. How else can one explain that an entire segment was dedicated to the story of a woman who was so busy texting that she stepped off of the edge of the pier and almost drowned? Sure, the Coast Guard and fire department had to be called in to rescue her silly behind from the water after several people jumped in to try to save her to no avail, but only a truly slow news day can explain a full report on such a goofy series of moves. Watch:

The “I’m so embarrassed but I have a new lease on life and feel the need to share with everyone” thing really confuses me. Because if that were me, which it never would be because I don’t play games when it comes to bodies of water, I’d be in my bed with the shades drawn, under the covers hiding from the world. Just in case this news report didn’t teach you anything about watching where you’re going, please do so if for no other reason than to avoid feeling this ridiculous.

Spotted at Jezebel.com

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