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All the single ladies, we pose the following question: Have you found that as you increase in age, you have lowered your standards in your quest for Mr. Right?

On one hand, it’s entirely possible that during your earlier years, the standards you set were a little too unrealistic, i.e. looking for more of a fictional romantic character rather than a “real” man. On the other, maybe after several years of unsuccessful dating, you’ve decided to settle down with the most tolerable fella you can find, rather than be on your own. You may even try to deviate from the norm and get to know a guy from a whole new category. All is fair in love and war, as they say, and taking risks is par for the course. However, trying “something new” shouldn’t mean abandoning your values, We’ve all slipped up from time to time in this department, but you really know you’ve dropped your romantic standards when you:

  • Start eyeing up fellas who you would’ve been repulsed by five years ago. We’re talking unattractive, bad bodies, bad personality, bad breath – basically anything that would’ve caused you to shudder at the thought of getting intimate with the guy.
  • Date a man with a multitude of children sprinkled about your metropolitan area, each with a different mother. You really know you’re in a bad way when you remain with this fellow, knowing he slacks on his child support payments, to boot.
  • Take in a broke-ass. He’s not just struggling, or recently laid off – he’s the man with grave financial issues. This is a cat who is bankrupt, makes really, really bad fiscal choices, and has chronic difficulties when it comes to keeping more than 3 figures in his bank account at any given point and time.
  • Make excuses for your crazy boyfriend rather than just accept that the brotha has serious issues that require acute professional attention. This may be a man that you would’ve warned your friends to kick to the curb due to his emotional instability at one point. Now you’re holding on to this nut-job with a king-fu grip, for fear of flying solo.
  • If you constantly have to make the following disclaimer “I know he can be a jerk sometimes but…” please consider the fact that unless you always liked vulgar hostile dudes, you may be settling for a guy so roguish, no one else wants him. This behavior can present itself in many forms, but verbal, emotional and/or physical abuse is never acceptable, no matter how long it’s been since you’ve had the pleasure of male company. Besides, REAL men don’t abuse women, period.

These, Clutchettes, are just a handful of signs that your desperation to attain an amorous relationship has resulted in you lowering your expectations, and your own self-worth in the process. Allow yourself to set (and enforce) realistic prospects, and you stand to meet Mr. Right-eous, instead of Mr. Right Now.

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  • LAD86

    Keep It Real:

    I am not sure why this is your response to my comment.

    1. Why are you telling me to expand my options, join an internet dating site and social organizations that interest me when I indicated that I wasn’t interested in dating? Likewise, I never made any reference to finding a ‘perfect man’, because I am not even romantically attracted to men.

    2. Why are you projecting your thoughts onto me? I don’t think I have plenty of time and the interest men have in me today will always be there. That’s not even of concern to me. Furthermore, guys who I have turned down in the past will never not look so bad to me if I am still single as I get older. I have no tolerance for being around/dating people who are of very little interest to me. Besides, how fulfilling can a relationship be if the two people don’t share a mutual attraction?

  • CurlySue

    Why are there so many men who come on this site and offer nothing constructive but just seek to tear down the self-esteem of the women on this site? Not all of them, but many just come on here, say how women/black women aren’t worth sh*t, and then get all butt hurt and “who me?” when they’re attacked. It’s so immature and unnecessary.

    • OSHH

      A. To feel big
      B. Their “moral” victory for the day
      C. Just plain rejected in real life by some woman/women they REALLY wanted type grade A bitter a$$ misogynists.
      D. Sociopaths
      E. All of the above

    • CurlySue

      It really just boggles my mind. And I’m not even talking about the polarizing aritcles about single mothers or interracial dating. I’m talking about generic ones like this that basically say “Hey ladies, don’t date bums”. And yet, here they are, telling women that once they’re over 30, no one wants them, they’re fat, ugly, etc etc and they should just accept whatever treatment they get. I hope these are trolls and that these men don’t truly feel that superior to women. Because as it’s been men who have controlled the world since the beginning of time, they have a lot of bs to answer to.

  • quez

    Standards and requirements are always a good thing! I think they should be written down and saved like a time capsule to show your progress and growth as an individual. What was popular or important or a high priority in your 20’s might change when in your 30s or 40s.

    Its like pictures, looking back and seeing pictures of FUBU shirts and Aaliyah overalls, might put life in perspective. You could say “Why did i spend so much money on that!” or “I thought i was hot!” or “I haven’t really changed much.”

    Some things people never grow out of, but there could be a deeper underlying reason why. Dating standards should be up to the individual making them. If you changed or “lowered” your standards maybe you “grew” up or changed priorities. Self-discovery is a life long journey.

  • chinaza

    I think women may lose some confidence in relating to men as they age simply because there is a strong,cultural bias against aging.Especially in women.And it’s true that the first attraction is obviously visual so a younger woman will generally look more attractive.
    So a realistic woman knows she does not have the choices at 40 that she had at 20.
    And her requirements in a partner may not really be lower but different because her mentality should be different at 40.
    But we have to know our strengths as “older women” and love ourselves, have a sense of humor, be bold and show confidence (even when we’re unsure).
    These are the things that hold a man after the first look and… we must never be afraid to be alone sometimes.

  • I agree with you Chinaza…we must never be afraid to be alone.