While watching, “Friends With Benefits” this weekend, I found myself getting upset with Mila Kunis’s character for actually telling men she dated that she didn’t have sex until the fifth date. She would tell them this and then be surprised when they ditched her after getting what they wanted on that fifth night. This struck me as beyond naïve, but is it ever ok to disclose your sex time clock to the person you are dating?

We all remember Joan from “Girlfriends” infamous three month rule that she let EVERY man that she was involved with know about. Then there was Steve Harvey’s book, Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man, that actually told women that they should follow the 90 day rule if they wanted a man to respect them. How much clout does this wait period really hold, especially if you tell a man about it? The reality is that men will bide their time to get what they want. They will be dating you and having sex with someone else until your sex clock is up. A man shouldn’t know when he is getting the goodies. It should be when you are both ready. If you do have a clock he shouldn’t know about it. Keep it to yourself in order to avoid being a victim of the age old “hit it and quit it” outcome. We all know that anyone can be a victim of this no matter if you have a time clock or not, but your chances are higher if you go around telling any man who would listen when you let someone sleep with you.

Self value is something that shouldn’t have a time limit. You know your worth and should be able to judge who is worthy of having you intimately without the help of a time rule. Once you tell someone you have a certain time when you are ready to have sex, they will expect that on that 90 day or fifth date that you are ready to give them your all. What if you’re not? If you had just kept your mouth shut there would be no expectations.

My motto: Do what you feel is right and are ready for. There shouldn’t be a countdown to sex with you and if you do have a “rule” just keep it to yourself.



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  • Leelee

    @Socially Maladjusted. Hmm. It’s been my experience that men never respect women for the qualities they see in other men. If anything it’s the opposite, but then it could be that I’m dealing with a different age range of men(college).

    I wouldn’t say that I have a sex clock, but I do need to be in a serious, committed relationship, not dating, to even think about sleeping with someone. This is not because I need them to view me in a certain way, but because sex changes things for most people, especially women. It biologically makes women feel closer to men, when there may not be a real connection. I’ve never understood how women can sleep with a man on the first or second date because of the “attraction” and then be hurt when it doesn’t go any further. This may not be because the man is “hitting and quitting” but because he realizes that beyond the sexual chemistry, nothing else is there. Shouldn’t you know this before you engage? At any rate, I know myself and how I would react in certain situations so I’m not walking into hurt.

    • Socially Maladjusted


      I can’t refute your experience, but I think some clarity might be needed here.
      When I say that men respect women for the same reasons they respect other men – I don’t mean to say that men respect women who “man like”.

      A person who commands respect is usually respected by both men and women – because, in a nutshell – they’re good for what they say they’e good for.

  • Renee

    i do have a sex time clock, i don’t announce it because men are sneaky like that.

    it’s funny when women say “these guys feel differently about me after we have sex…” no, if a guy likes you, it doesn’t matter when he has sex with you, he will still like you. only thing is, his true colors/intentions came out.