They say you can find out everything you need to know about a person simply by the company that they keep. Does this rule apply to someone you are interested in dating? Do birds of a feather really flock together?

This way of deciding if you want to be with someone has its pros and cons. People do tend to surround themselves with others who are a reflection of them. Then again some people have childhood friends who haven’t necessarily taken the same path in life that they chose, but are still very close due to the amount of time they have known each other. Then there are some people who don’t believe in cutting off others in their lives who are different from them. The saying opposites attract reigns as true for friendships and it does with relationships. I see many friendships where one person is an introvert and the other is an extrovert. They appear to be complete opposites to the outside world, but they have a stronger friendship than most people.

I do believe that if you are friends with someone it means that there are at least a few things that you have in common with the person. Before you dismiss someone because of the company that they keep you should find out exactly what common thoughts or characteristics they share with that person. Judging a book by its cover is always an epic fail.

I have a good girlfriend who recently got engaged to her long time boyfriend. Once when we all went out to a soca party I had a chance to meet the rest of his friends. They were COMPLETELY different from my friend’s boyfriend. She told me that she can’t stand them because of the horrible way that they treat women, but for some reason they were her boyfriend’s closest friends. He also doesn’t agree with the way they treat women, but they all grew up together and share a special bond. If she judged her now fiancé by his group of friends, she wouldn’t have given him the time of day.

You should be aware of the company that the person you are dating keeps, but inquire about the similarities within the friendship before you decide to kick him or her to the curb.

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  • pink

    A lot!!!

  • MIkela123

    Yes, you can and SHOULD judge a man by the company he keeps. Men themselves have taught me that lesson. A variation of a convo I’ve had with guys over the years:

    Me: Hey, so how is your boy Mike? I haven’t seen him around in awhile.

    Dude: Oh, Mike and I don’t talk or hang out no more.

    Me: Why? What happened? That was your boy.

    Dude: Oh he’s got probs. Be messing with young girls, still smoking too much weed. I can’t be around that.

    Me: But Mike was your boy, from back in the day! You just cut him out, just like that?

    Dude: Hey, At this point in my life, I’m trying to do things, I can’t be around all that.

    Now, this is no official, emotional breakup. If he bumps into Mike on the street, he’ll say Hi and talk. But if Mike calls, he ignore them. He keeps him at the distance.

    I’ve seen brothas, especially as they get older, distance themselves from men who abused women, went to strip clubs too often, smoked too much weed, violent or bad tempered, or engaged in nefarious activities.

    This is one area I think men do better than women, at least a man who’s really focused, who is trying to live positive or has major goals to accomplish – cut negative people out of their lives, or keep them at bay. Women, even when we’re trying to live positive lives, tend to keep other female friends around us who are negative. Of course, women’s relationships are deeper and emotional. But we’ll keep that sista around us until something detrimental happens, like her messing her man, etc.

    As another Brotha told me, men have to operate like that out of practicality too. In this day of black male violence so high, or cops stopping and frisking black men at random, hanging out with the wrong brotha can literally be the difference in life and death.

    A smart man, as he gets older and has life responsibilities and goals, won’t put himself in that position.

    • MIkela123


      “Of course, women’s relationships are deeper and emotional. But we’ll keep that sista around us until something detrimental happens, like her messing WITH YOUR man, etc.”