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I don’t have any sisters. I’m a middle child with two brothers and a whole slew of male cousins. When I was growing up, I was a lipgloss tomboy who preferred jeans to frilly dresses, and hanging with my dad’s basketball team over shopping trips with my female friends. For the longest time I shrugged off my lack of female friends (I always had a few) by saying, Well, I just get along better with guys.

Then high school hit and guys quickly became the object of my obsession, and I found it difficult to be just friends with the cute ones who–for whatever reason–were also very, very cool. I’d push my crushes aside and continue talking sports stats and rap lyrics with boys, but inside, I really just wanted many of them to take me out.

But in those giggly girl moments when boys had changed from just being the homies to  potential dates, I turned to my carefully crafted circle of girls to hold me down. Although I’d like to think I was oh so unique, I managed to find friends who were amazingly like me–quit witted, into sports, optimistic, and funny as hell. It worked.

Over the years I’ve gravitated toward similar women, be they sorors or coworkers, and having them in my life has been an amazing boost. From discussing failed relationships or good dates to sharing our frustrations about what it means to be black and female in a world that isn’t always welcoming of either one, my friends have always been there looking out for me.

And much like writer Danielle Belton mentioned last month, the people who have given me a break and helped propel me forward in my career have been women. So when I hear other ladies say they cannot get along with other “females” or that they don’t have any female friends, I cringe. They’re not only are they missing out on some great connections, but they’re also taking a jab at themselves by buying into the petty stereotypes that continue to plague us all.

Having women friends is about as freeing and necessary as breathing… but a lot more fun.

Do you have a sister circle? 

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  • Keokah

    To the author, have you consider that some women are the opposite of you and what your article is advocating? I’ve gushed to male friends over guys I like. The breaks that I’ve received have been mostly from men. How is this taking a jab at myself? Some people just relate to men better. I’m not knocking the article because I know plenty of women who “don’t get along with females”, i’m just suggesting that a “sister circle” may not be all that important to some. “A circle” may be all that some need.

  • Yeah, I’ve always (even when I was too young to articulate why) had a problem with women who claimed that they “hated other females” or whatever ignorant phrase was/is used. There are some ladies who just don’t have a lot of, or any, lady friends for a multitude of perfectly logical reasons… but the ladies who SAY this, LOUD and OFTEN, are usually the ones who are always trying to find an acceptable excuse about why they spend all of their time with dudes. And it’s like, who cares WHY, your preference is your preference, but why do you have to put down other women in order to do it? Because they are shady as hell, that’s why. Women who say sh*t like that are usually women who are NOT very good friends to other women in any way.

    I never had a “circle” of lady friends, although I do wish I had, just so I could understand that kind of bond. Seems nice…