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When Beyonce took to the red carpet at last year’s MTV Awards rocking an orange Grecian-inspired dress and proudly cupping her belly, you knew ish was about to get real.

And when she glowed through “Love on Top,” confidently popping open her jacket, rubbing her belly and smiling ear-to-ear while her hubby saluted her, you knew she had just created a monster (and I don’t mean Blue Ivy.

Immediately the world went apeshit. Twitter erupted, news shows reported on Beyonce’s growing baby bump like it had the nuclear codes, and the stans and haters waged a world war of snark. So it was no surprise that after “folding-gate” (when her stomach seemed to “fold” in half while preggo) people began to question whether or not Beyonce was actually pregnant, because you know, she clearly can’t really be THIS happy about having a baby.

Recently, People magazine named Beyonce the most beautiful woman in the world, and in the accompanying article she addressed the rumors floating around about her pregnancy. When asked how she felt about people speculating about whether or not she’d hired a surrogate, Bey brushed the critics off.

“That was crazy,” she told People. “It wasn’t hurtful, it was just crazy. [I thought] ‘Where did they come up with this?'”

I guess Bey hasn’t heard of any of the nusto things people have had to say about her or else she would have been prepared for the onslaught of speculation and criticism during her pregnancy.

But in case she’s still surfing on the cloud of Blue Ivey baby, I’m here to school her to the crazy things people think about her so she’ll be prepared for the next round of crazy talk that’s sure to come with baby # 2 or, you know, whenever she walks down the street.

Shall we get started?

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