Suppose there were a service that matched young upwardly mobile women with their favorite, fabulous celebs whose careers have long been established and thriving. For a minimal fee and a limited time only, the celeb with whom you’re paired would become a mentor of sorts, dispensing advice for your personal and professional life, shuttling you off to exclusive restaurants and theatre openings, and teaching you the art of owning a room, when it’s full of other women with equally commanding presences.
If you were to walk into the Celeb Fairy Godmother Agency and fill out an application, with whom do you think you’d be paired? Answer the following questions to find out:
1. A co-worker has been hassling you at the job, treating you like a subordinate, making thinly veiled evaluations of your performance, and just generally being irritating. How do you address the issue?
A. You don’t. Directly addressing her would lend credence to her theory that she knows how to get to you. Instead you swan past her cubicle en route to your office, waving an airy hand in response to her fake hello.
B. You smile at her and greet her as though nothing’s wrong, then go to your boss–whose crush on you is the office’s worst kept secret–and hint that you’d be happier if she were no longer with the company.
C. You catch up with her at lunchtime and ask if you can have a word with her. Very civilly, you remind her that she isn’t your supervisor and insist that she address any criticism to you in private.
D. You corner her at her car in the parking lot, allude to the possibility that you have enough dirt on her to get her fired, and dare her to come at you sideways again.
2. Which of the following most closely resembles your type of celebrity crush?
A. Rick Fox, Blair Underwood, Richard Roundtree
B. Gary Dourdan, Eric Benet, Idris Elba
C. Ossie Davis, Jackie Robinson, Cory Booker
D. Kevin Hart, Bill Cosby (circa 1975), Tyler Perry
3. If you walked into the club, how would the men greet you?
A. It would take a minute for anyone at all to greet you. You’re slightly older and far more elegant than most of the patrons; they’re a little intimidated.
B. They’d stammer and trip over themselves, offering to buy you drinks.
C. They’d call you ma’am.
D. They’d wisecrack with you as long as they could before bowing to your superior wit.
4. If you had a theme song, which artist would you want to sing it?
A. Nancy Wilson or Norah Jones
B. Adele or Marsha Ambrosious
C. Ella Fitzgerald or Leontyne Price
D. Millie Jackson or James Brown
5. You’ve been dumped on the same night of a big, upscale event. You’re suddenly dateless. What do you do?
A. Go alone. You enjoy your company–and so does everyone else. You’ll have a ball.
B. Dateless? Not possible. Men swarm you like gnats.
C. Call a family member. They respect you so much, they’ll stop whatever they’re doing to make sure you have an escort.
D. Shame your original date into taking you, dress gorgeously enough to make him regret breaking up with you, and dance with other men all night.
6. Which films would you rather watch?
A. Soul Food or Foxy Brown
B. Losing Isaiah or Obsessed
C. Carmen Jones or A Raisin in the Sun
D. Nora’s Hair Salon or Waiting to Exhale
7. Where would you rather dine?
A. A quiet, exclusive French bistro with high-backed booths and curtains that can be pulled for privacy
B. A trendy place with “fusion food,” where people go to see and be seen
C. An elegant, five-star restaurant with seven-course meals and a string quartet
D. A soul food joint with high-end food but deceptively shabby menus and seating