Meg church pastor Creflo Dollar found himself in the news recently after getting into an altercation with his 15-year-old daughter. Dollar denies hurting his daughter, but according to a police report, the teen wanted to go to a party (it was well past midnight when the fight took place), and it escalated to Dollar allegedly punching, choking, and throwing a shoe at his daughter.

The domestic dispute sounded like your typical case of either child abuse or the common tale of an out-of-control teen and a father who’d lost his temper to the point that he put his hands on her. But from the few people I talked to about it (and from some of the responses on Twitter) regardless how anyone felt about Dollar, many believed it was likely necessary for the minister to beat his daughter.

Why? Because “party” + “late at night”  + father’s overreaction = kids’ these days need to be beat, she probably deserved it.

While some seem to have a basic understanding that you shouldn’t hit your spouse as that is “abuse,” or that a child shouldn’t physically harm a parent (think elder abuse), there is a prevalent narrative, especially in the black community, that all problems with a child can be solved with a “whoopin’.” And many people are fine with this as “they were whooped and turned out OK.” But the lax attitude in how spankings are conducted creates a fuzzy gray area for violent people who actually abuse their children. Because everyone else is so “pro-whoopin’,” we sometimes forget there’s a big difference between that one time your mother swatted your bottom with a ping pong paddle and that time your stepfather punched you in the face at 10.

Yet everyone celebrates corporal punishment not understanding that for every parent who can control their temper when disciplining their children, there are many others who cause children serious, malicious harm – and feel their worldview is validated by the “pro-whoopin” lobby. Even though those people aren’t nearly the nihilistic, violent whoopin’ sociopaths they brag about being. (But more on that later.)

But I have a surprise for the pro-whoopin’ lobby: In the case of Creflo Dollar and his daughter, I don’t think more beatings would have made all that much of a difference.

If you have a 15-year-old who calls 9-1-1 on you, you have one of three things going on:

1. You’re a chronic, violent child abuser who needs to be punished, then rehabilitated.

2. You’re raising a burgeoning sociopath for whom nothing you can do will cure them of wanting to murder you in your sleep

3. You are raising a child in an unstructured, inconsistent environment where the word “no” was rarely uttered UNTIL they became a teen when suddenly what they desired could actually cause themselves or their family harm.

In all those environments you can beat your kid or not beat your kid – but beatings to don’t equal “structured, nurturing environment.” And too many people think of whoopins as a catch-all to take the place of everything else – from actually being clear and concise in your parenting, establishing healthy rules and boundaries early on with a liberal dosage of “consistency.”

You can beat a kid and still raise a monster. Beating your kid doesn’t get you respect – consistency, nurturing and structure does. A “whoopin’” is something you may resort to on an as need-be, case-by-case basis, based on your child’s temperament. It’s not the one-size-belt-beats-all parenting solution people preach it to be.

1 2 
Like Us On Facebook Follow Us On Twitter
  • Dee

    And these are the same men….the “leaders” of our communities that will say “a man should never put his hands on a woman”….I guess that doesn’t apply when it’s your kids.

  • Cornell brown

    Practice wat u preach… Church!

  • Keke

    Like the article says hitting a child need to be in extreme cases of bad behavior. In Nigeria beating a child is a way of handling your child when they get out of hand but it is true in
    the Black community it leaves gray
    area for abuse. Especialll parents who dont realize they are to abuse their kids when they take out the stress of their lives on the kids and that is something that happens a lot in the Black community.

    This guy was straight up abusing his daughter. There is a limit to how much force you use when you hit your child and once you choke and punch that is abuse. And am sorry his daughter is 16 – after the age of 13 you really should not be spanking your child. Your child need to have done something bad for you to lay your hands on them at that age and even then there are other ways to handling. Try understanding where they are coming from.

    I think this guy is a hardcore pastor who probably thinks her talking to boys makes her immoral no less going to a party wearing a short skirt and dancing wih one. She is a teenage girl so she probably gets crazy rude and out of hand but I bet you her father hasn’t been the easiest to deal with. I bet there is a chance that this was about her rebelling against a lot of her dad restrictions of which this incident was one. This guy has probably smacked her for wearing a short skirt or talking to a boy too. Pastors do not always make good fathers especially if they’re not forgiving.

    This pastor talks about having to discipline kids in culture of disrespect. I guess he forgot the part of the bible that says children should respect their elders but parents shouldn’t aggravate their kids.

  • AJ

    I love it when these fake religious toting crap leaders fff; it up…..they are all a bunch of fakes………PTL and beat yer kid…..