Show of hands, ladies. How many of you have been minding your own business, walking down a street at midday, strolling through a grocery store, shopping at a mall or taking in an outdoor concert, when some (possibly well-meaning) man has tried to spit game? Emphasis on the word “tried.” This isn’t a piece about street harassment, though, heaven knows, some of the brothers who are guilty of what I’m about to discuss are guilty of that, too. No, this is about the exchanges that leave you doubled over in laughter, rather than ready to call the cops.
I’m talking about bad pick-up lines. They range from the old-school standards ( Girl, yo’ feet must be tired…) to the bossy and presumptive ( Girl, smile. I know it can’t be that bad….) to blatantly untruth ( I know you! … I don’t know you? Oh, you look so familiar, though…).
Look, I know it’s hard for men to work up the nerve to strike up conversation with women they don’t know. I know the odds are against them that they’ll get a real, working phone number, a fulfilling conversation, or a woman even willing to slow her hurried gait long enough to turn and acknowledge him. I’m sure I’m not the only woman who’s had this discussion with guys she knows and trusts. They have all kinds of reasons why they try “lines” instead of genuine, normal greetings and introductions: they’re nervous, they’re tongue-tied, they want to make us laugh, a truly creative line might work as an icebreaker. The list goes on.
But whatever their reasons, one thing’s for sure: Girl, are those astronaut pants? Because your booty is out of this world! ain’t likely to lead to a long-lasting relationship.
I asked my Twitter feed to kick me a few quick truly embarrassing (and equally hilarious) bad pick-up lines, and I got a few doozies I’d like to share:
1. “Your daddy must be a pimp cause you just b****-slapped my heart!” (@ismashfizzle, who is also credited with the “astronaut pants” gem above)
2. “Is your last name Gillette? Because you’re the best a man can get!” (@Cubanita)
3. “I lost my phone number. Can I have yours?” (@lolaelizabeth)
4. “I’m a thoroughbred, not a load o’ bread!” (@thembithembi)
5. “Are there mirrors in your pockets? Because I can really see myself in your pants.” (@mazzie)
6. “You must be 50% ass, girl!” (@thewayoftheid)
7. “Can I borrow your phone? I need to call my mom and tell her I met the girl of my dreams.” (@strong_cookie)
8. After handing over his phone number: “Ayo… I’m sorry, hun… You dropped this.” **smile like an idiot** (@iamdvsj)
What do you think? Would any of these work on you? Do you have a bad pick-up line that would trump all of these? Do you feel violated or harassed by pick-up lines? If so, is it all of them or specific ones that rankle you?