When this article  was posted Monday morning, I had two reactions when I reached the end. My first thought? She’s not the only one, I know that much. Second, I wonder what the comments are going to say. Admittedly so, I was prepared to read a lot of “well there’s something you must be doing wrong.” Although there were a few comments to that tune, the majority were quite positive and relatable, but that also did not surprise me.

The truth is, yes, it is quite normal for a 20-something chick to not have been on an actual date, and that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with any of us.  Up until last year, I was one of them. My first “real” date didn’t happen until I was 24. And it’s sort of an inside joke that it took me living in a different country and meeting foreign men for this to actually happen. But as to why guys don’t put forth the effort of taking out a girl they’re interested in? The answers will usually be debatable. I had one guy say “I don’t date like that. It’s not my thing.” So you know what I did? I stopped talking to him. No more phone calls; no more texts. What’s the point of wasting your time with a guy who doesn’t date “like that?” Whatever “that” means.  For the guys who just don’t date, because it’s not something they do, I feel they either don’t know how or they’re just too lazy to put forth the effort. They’ve probably gotten used to getting the girl without the dating process. Dating them has always been chilling at his house. Why change something that’s been working out perfectly for him? Then there are the guys who don’t date because “that” would mean spending money on a girl who isn’t his, and for some odd reason, that’s an issue to them. But these are the types of guys you shouldn’t want to date. Any smart man would know there’s plenty you can do on a date that does not entail spending money. And really, what’s his issue of spending money on a date? Imagine what type of boyfriend that guy would be … not good.

Let’s be real: Most men are creatures of habit, most a bit selfish, and all too stubborn. No, I’m not male-bashing, I’m just being honest. But for every creature of habit, selfish, stubborn man, there’s one who knows how to compromise, be a giver, and be a respectful gentleman. There are men who know how to approach a woman and understand the occasion of a proper date. There are men who may not want to spend money, but can think of other ways to date cost-free. There are men who may be busy with work or school, but who know if they want to see you, they’ll have to make time to take you out.

Being this age and never having been on a real date is not something you should be worried about. Of course, it’s frustrating, but many of us have been here. If you’re doing everything right, the right chivalrous guy will approach you. I think the real problem is getting to that place to meet the right guy. But, that’s a whole ’nother story.

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  • Socially Maladjusted


    I disagree, I think under achieving males like YOU are as entitled to women’s adulation as those of us who have jobs, are well educated, well read, well spoken and well groomed.

    Personally, I don’t blame you for the problems in the black community, not everyone has the gifts education or energy required to be a problem solver. If you had those talents you’d know that the problems in the BC are more complicated than women lavishing their attentions on undeserving males like you.

    Don’t blame yourself change yourself and stop being a contributor in the the “downfall of the BC”.


    • “Don’t blame yourself change yourself”.

      Th^s is nice!!!

  • Dalili

    I think the masses over complicate dating….all the preconceived notions and perceived flaws before the journeys’ even began…wow!

  • Neeneko

    I think the flaw here is equating ‘I like this specific style of dating’ with ‘dating’…. or perhaps it is people being butthurt since their preferred way of doing things used to be the normal default, and now that it is no longer assumed or universal they are having to confront other ways of doing things.

    It is fair to want what you want and have preferences, but if you treat people like your preferences are the default and any deviation from them is a defect in others… well.. even when you encounter people who do it that way, the entitlement attitude is going to be off putting.

  • Neeneko

    As for ‘having to go to another country’ part.. yeah.. this is the same reason mail order russian brides are so popular. Many countries are behind the curve when it comes to equality.. women are still submissive and considered inferior, so men still tend to follow a dating pattern that was created for a time when women had no other use in life besides picking a mate and producing children,.. not to mention didn’t have their own resources so they had to be paid for. A nice ego boost in the short term but has some pretty dark undertones behind it.


    I don’t completely agree with this article but A LOT of young black women I know have never been on dates. I think it has something to do with the community they live in and the type of men that roam in those communities. A lot of black women whether they deny it or not have low self-esteem and this is why a lot of them give up the goods quickly and even have children early with men that are not even worth it. Many of these women can never see a good black guy or a man of other race looking at them so they take what they get. As a result, they get no dates. I think its up to the parents to tell their children both boys and girls about these things. If any of you have children or young adults, talk to them about these things. Part time, I help youth of black communities in my city and it was crazy to see how many young men did not know how to tie a tie. Even common etiquette is not taught in most black homes. Young women need to gain some self-respect and know they should not just take the first thing offered to them.