The morning after you’ve had sex with someone for the first time can be one of the most sobering moments of the day: What may have once been a hazy, shrouded-in-candlelight night has come to harsh, blinding, clear light in the morning.
And far too often, it has signaled an end, a one-night affair, an escapade. But it doesn’t have to be that way.
It can also be a beginning, a reaffirming moment, an incredibly tender awareness that you’ve found the mate of your dreams.
The morning after you and a homey/lover/friend have done it, are there signs that indicate a hint of the future?
Is there any promise after the pleasure?
Somehow in human relationships, we’ve missed a step: There’s no after-sex protocol that two people have to follow.
Once you hook up, and it’s not what you thought it was, or you simply did something you don’t think you should have, there’s got to be a way to communicate that and keep your shirt.
The sexes have different ways of dealing with the Morning After, for sure.
Many women can pick up on a quickie just by the way the partner is acting the next day. Did he hastily jump up and go to work (or somewhere else)? Did he linger in the afterglow of the experience, holding you delicately and not wanting to leave? Did he cook you breakfast?
What do the signs mean?
Mika Britt of Atlanta thought she knew.
“Me and this ‘friend’ of mine became intimate one night … and the next morning, the next day, I was expecting a call,” she said.
It never came.
After the experience, Mika was wondering whether he did as well.
“Needless to say, it was over,” she said.
Just like that.
To be sure, the Morning After can present potholes for your self-esteem. But you don’t have to let a mystifying love encounter dampen your perspective about yourself. Lay the foundation the Night Of, not the Morning After. While these foundations don’t have to be set in stone, they do need to be poured in quick-drying cement.
Does he really want to be with you? Is this just a fleeting moment?
Roberta Flack said it best with her 1972 version of “Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?”
Is this a lasting treasure
Or just a moment of pleasure?
Can I believe the magic of your sigh…
Will you still love me tomorrow?
If he has to jet shortly after being with you and doesn’t call or text you that day, it is safe to assume something is wrong. With him. Not you.
Understandably, many women jump to conclusions when a night of passion is followed by deafening silence: “It wasn’t good?” or “Was this just about the sex?”
And while it’s entirely possible he may have viewed it simply as an opportunity to hook up, take heed. He may be just as scared and uncertain as you are. Men are not the know-it-all creatures they are assumed to be, certainly not in new relationships or those that have been taken to another level. For many men, how the woman reacts (Will she call? Does she even want to be together?) is just as crucial to the future contact.
The thing that goes through the man’s mind is mightily similar to what goes on in the mind of the woman: “Was last night a repression of my inner-most self, unleashed ever so briefly?” or “Was that the darkside of ‘Me’?”
The truth is, nobody, not you and not him, is quite sure. And that’s okay. Communication is a two-way thing. If he doesn’t call, call him. If she doesn’t hit you up the next day, take the initiative. You’ll likely be glad you did.
And just think: The Morning After will pass, then the night, and then a brand new day.