On Loving An Abuser


When Rihanna tearfully confessed to still loving Chris Brown on “Oprah’s Next Chapter,” my good friend called me immediately. She was outraged. “How could you still love someone who beat you?” she said, vacillating between confusion and outright disgust.

I’ve never been physically abused but have been in my share of verbally abusive relationships where I got served with a two-for-one package of infidelity and mistreatment. Despite the fact that I walked away, I found that love doesn’t have an off/on switch.

After falling in love with someone, and investing time and effort into the relationship, it’s hard to relinquish those feelings overnight even when everyone says you should.

It’s no debate that logic should reign supreme in cases of any form of abuse. Women should put their safety, health and well-being first, and value themselves enough to end toxic partnerships. But that doesn’t mean their feelings for their partner just disappear in thin air, no matter how hurtful the circumstances of their relationship.

Evelyn Lozada is speaking out for the first time since she was violently head-butted by her husband of 42 days, Chad Johnson. In an interview with ABC’s Amy Robach that airs tonight at 11:30 PM EST, she says:

It would have to take sometime [for us to speak again]. I love him very much and I think that us being away from each other is the right thing. So when is he going to say sorry? […] It’s the hardest thing in the world to walk away from someone that you really love/ But you have to walk away because I have to protect myself.

What are your thoughts on loving the abuser, Clutchettes? Is it wrong for Rihanna and Evelyn to still love the men that attacked them? Is it irresponsible for them to admit it publicly? Discuss.

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