Recently, my significant other dropped by to share a revelation. He was out with his homie, a woman, and then her girls showed up. They get to chatting, seemingly forgetting that he is present, or maybe the margaritas made them not care. Anyway, one of them says: “I’m good on all-night long stroking. My man can give me five great minutes, and as long as I cum, I’m fine.”

He, my man, stops talking, and I stare at him silently, waiting for him to get to the good part. But, then I realize that all women not wanting marathon sex every time is supposed to be it. Oh. You know, between this and Congressman Akin, I should really learn not to be surprised at the things men don’t know about women when it comes to sex or sexual anatomy. But I am.

And I guess they’re equally surprised at the things we don’t know too. Like say, you know, that one time when you and your late twenty-something/ early thirty-something boo who is supposed to be in his sexual prime went on that amazing weekend getaway, when he did that thing you like all night, then again the next day, and when you asked him to do it again, just one more time before you left, and he complied, with no problem? Yeah … he was probably on Viagra.

Of course, there aren’t hard numbers on how many under 35 men take sexual enhancement drugs. It’s not like men are readily confessing they use them, and two, it’s not like they’re getting them from a licensed physician or OTC at the pharmacy. The distributor is more like ”their man’s and them,” somebody’s doctor, nurse, or sales rep relative who has a hook up, or wherever black market Newports are sold. Yes, the local “Newports! Newports!” guy also sells V like it’s vampire blood, and randomly, it has the same sexual affect. Go figure.

Years ago, after a particularly, uh, joyful weekend, a guy I was dating told me he had a confession. “I took a pill,” he said. These were the days before Molly, so I assumed “X.” Nope, V.

I was offended. He had to take a pill to get it up?! Was he not attracted to me? But maybe I was focusing on the wrong thing. Hold up, why can’t he get it up at 27?

Turns out, he actually could get an erection without assistance, he said. And yes, he was attracted to me. He took a Viagra because of that: he was trying to impress me.

What?! I started asking around to my Male Mind Squad to see if this was some sort of trend I’d missed, or if I’d just stumbled upon the randomest guy ever. Nope. Trend.

Nearly every guy I asked had a story of trying something to live up to the Mandingo hype. Taking Viagra was the most popular, followed by Cialis and there were mentions of all kinds of elixirs like those sexual enhancement drugs that they sell in gas stations and bodegas. Yes, men actually buy them. Oh, and lots of men talked about downing copious amounts of a Hennessey (sometimes mixed with Red Bull. It’s called an “Incredible Hulk” for a reason) to  keep their penises “on call” and perform like champion lovers all-night.

The excuses were all the same: impressing a woman and insecurity about not being able to perform like they were in their teens and early twenties, now that they hit their late twenties and early thirties. And yes, this was from the fit ones too. If he took a pill, then it’s actually a roundabout way of showing he cares. At a minimum of $20 per pop, providing great Vitamin D isn’t to be wasted on just anyone. And there are few noticeable side affects if the pills are taken in moderation. One guy described using a numbing agent on his penis that resulted in sex with his girlfriend becoming “like screwing a bag of ice,” and of course, there were tales of hangovers from too much liquor. But it seemed to be worth it to make a great impression and have a very satisfied sexual partner. All the more reason to keep doing it, even if the affect isn’t even what every woman likes, at least not all the time.

Demetria L. Lucas the author of A Belle in Brooklyn: The Go-to Girl for Advice on Living Your Best Single Life. ABIB is available to download and now in paperback. Follow her on Twitter at @abelleinbk

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