While watching a repeat of the show “Girls” on HBO Tuesday night, the episode where the character Shoshanna was abruptly turned down mid-sex scene because she confessed that she was a virgin was on. The male in the scene “gently” let her down by saying, “I don’t do virgins. Virgins get attached. Virgins bleed. They get attached when they bleed.” After I laughed like a crazy person, I began to wonder if women felt the same way about men who are virgins. Are they an instant turn-off or a turn-on?

I must say that things have indeed changed from my high school and college days, in terms of what turns men on and off. I remember when taking a girl’s virginity was something young men prided themselves on. It was some sort of an “accomplishment” to say you “popped a girl’s cherry.” Now, in my adult years, men talk about dealing with virgins with an air of dismay. They want someone who is experienced, knows what they like and knows how to receive pleasure as well as give it.

From conversations with my eclectic group of girlfriends, I have heard pros and cons when it comes to dating a man who is a virgin. The majority of the pros came from my Christian friends who were either virgins themselves or made the decision to remain celibate until they got married. They argued that it is beneficial to be with someone who shares your same values, and that it would be special for the two of them to give to each other something so sacred. Then one of my girlfriend’s, who is sexually active, said it would be fun to date a virgin because she said it would be a thrill to teach him how to get down. She would be able to mold him into the exact kind of lover she wanted, and it would be a great feeling to know that the guy would never forget about her if the relationship didn’t work out.

Of course there were the ones who were completely against dating a man who was a virgin and viewed it as a major turn-off. Their arguments ranged from not wanting to be with someone who they had to teach about how to do everything sexually, that the idea of taking a man’s virginity just wasn’t appealing and that they wouldn’t want the man to have an unhealthy attachment in case the relationship went to hell.

I wonder if much of the opposition stems from the idea that a man should be the one to take control and handle his business in the bedroom? Let’s be honest, even the most independent and self-assured women have admitted to wanting a man who knows how to take over in the bedroom. Dare I even go as far as saying there is a double standard, possibly sexist notion, that women who are virgins are prized and men who are virgins past a certain age are corny or not considered “real men.”

Ladies, we want to hear from you. At this point in your life (whatever point that may be), if you met a man who was a virgin would you be turned-on or instantly turned-off?

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  • Mr. Gila Bangsat

    The real issue here is REJECTION within the growth cycles of the male and female human body’s. Men desire sex much earlier than women. I for one wanted to be sexually active at 12. Even-though I appeared to be a handsome 15 male, I was only 12. Was there any female taker’s? Of course not!…not any that I could find, anyway. Since men desire sex much younger, being rejected takes its toll on the mind and body.

    I, as an early bloomer, was traumatized by rejection. Some people even made me feel as though I was a freak or was some kind of “sex-crazed demon” because I wanted sex so young. The girls my same age thought sex was disgusting so I approached girls who were 15-18 hoping for a mercy lay. Back then I knew what I wanted and was ready to take control with no fear (all the things a girl wants in an older guy) but as an early bloomer, I was humiliated by both the virgins my same age and by promiscuous older girls. By 14, the rejection was unbearable, so I slumped into a depression. I gained enormous amounts of weight. By the time I turned 15, most guys I knew (average bloomers) were scoring their fist lay and even some getting more action than I could imagine. My best friend (14) did the Hispanic “lunch lady”. She must have been 23 (back in 1992), he offered her a 18k gold bracelet (worth hundreds of dollars at the time) after school and told her that if she wanted the bracelet, she would have to have sex with me watching as a spectator. She agreed! I couldn’t believed it!

    The meeting went as planned. She drove a GMC conversion Van with a fold-down mattress in the back. She drove us to someplace quiet. As I watched, she was slender, beautiful, with magnificent breasts. Neither her or my friend were shy to let me watch…. I asked her if she would “do” me as well, but she said she doesn’t F**K fat guys… that was the closest I would get to sex until I turned 28.

    Here is the catch 22: In order for a man to be confident and “Take Control” in the bedroom when he is older, he can’t be ruined with rejection when he is younger. Women are the ones who provide the rejection, then later on in life they want a man that is confident. The confidence that a man has when he approaches women stems from his previous successes with the opposite sex. If a young boy (early bloomer) is rejected all the way into his late teenage years… he is probably going to be a virgin for a very, very, long time.. and not by choice. The psychological damage of rejection causes obesity, personality disorders, shyness, and encourages reclusive behavior. I am 36, emotionally screwed up, rejection by women has destroyed the very fabric of my being. There should not be a stigma against pre-teens who want to be sexually active.

  • Hi Cousin, this is Danielle…lol….I am currently dating a virgin and I find his sexual innocence to be a huge turn on.