Folks read and digest this: DIETS DON’T WORK. Now that we have got that out-of-the-way, let’s look at how two men with a new diet book have reinforced The Standard American Diet, a diet that an overwhelming amount of health and fitness professionals accept as deleterious to humans.

According to Men’s Health editor-in-chief David Zinczenko and his co-author Peter Moore’s new book,The 8-Hour Diet: Watch the Pounds Disappear Without Watching What You Eat!, the underlying problem that has caused America’s spike in diabetes and obesity-related illnesses is you have had the luxury of eating 24-7.

According to an excerpt from the book, published on Today.com, “Our bodies can’t process the food we eat [after hours], and those calories end up where they shouldn’t — around our bellies and butts.”

Well, I don’t know about you, but I’ve been trying to figure out a cunning, non-surgical way to deposit fat directly into my glutes for years. All jokes aside, Zinczenko and Moore posit that modern humans have become insulin resistant — which leads to metabolic syndrome — because of Thomas Edison’s invention (basically, easily attainable and abundant artificial light), and all they need to do to fix this problem is to look into their glorious past and take heed to the paleolithic principles of eating and living — no lights after dawn or, essentially, don’t open your refrigerator or turn on your television after the sun goes down.

“For the past 50 years or so we’ve been staying awake late into the night. That’s when we see the rise of weight problems,” this according to Dr. Satchidananda Panda, from the Salk Institute for Biological Studies in La Jolla, California.

To prove his theory, Dr. Panda’s laboratory tested his ideas on mice.

The mice were divided into two groups and put on the same high-calorie, high-fat diet: One group was given the freedom to eat anything at any time of day.

The other mice could eat as much as they wanted but only within an 8-hour time frame. The study went on for 100 days, and it was only the all-day eaters that plumped up.

Dr Panda explains: “Simply limiting food intake to 8 hours gives you all the benefits – without having to worry about food intake.”

Sounds sweet, literally! So all you have to do is eat all GMO-food, processed meats and food-like products at your local Wal-Mart during your prescribed eight-hour window, and presto-chango, you’re a slim, trim, and healthy human. What a load of crap …

Yes, there are accepted scientific derivatives to almost everything these pseudo-intellectuals are pushing about weight-loss and management, but it’s abhorrently rancorous towards the only thing that makes life livable — relationships.

The most important aspect of health and wellness is happiness. No late-night meals after an epic night out in New York; No second helpings during Thanksgiving dinner; No breakfast until noon because I have a date at 7 p.m! How ridiculous …

When I became a vegan years ago, one of the hardest things to deal with was the isolation from communal eating with family and friends. Nit-picking every little ingredient was terrible for my mental health, but once I let go of my strictness, I enjoyed eating whatever wanted, knowing that, if I had a little egg in my veggie burger, I wasn’t the worst person in the world.

So much for 2013 being a year of candor and compassion when it comes to weight-loss …

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