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XOJane

1) Creeper profiles — apparently they’re quite normal!

Here I was thinking a few of you xoJaners were just a tad bit obsessive. Joke’s on me — looks like I might be the only one who refuses to poke around the pages of others using a secondary profile that I set up precisely for the purpose of secretly stalking. As it turns out, a few of my girl (and guy!) friends have them, too. I’ll never bother with it, though. It’s too time-consuming to even try to maintain one profile. With that said, I wonder how many people are taking the time to creep on me.

2) But why do you have chicks in your profile photos, though?

I refuse to respond to men who have snaps of them with other women on their page; it feels like he’s non-verbally saying, “I already gots some bitches, but I wants some mo’ bitches, so come be up in my posse of bitches! PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE?!?!?!?”

I’m going to have to pass.

But seriously, what’s that even about? If you’re on a dating site trying to meet new chicks, why have old/other chicks in pictures?

I add the /other simply because it could just be his freakishly young-looking mother/sister/best female friend, but more than likely it’s the hottest ex he’s ever had (who actually isn’t even that hot to begin with)/the one who got away/the one who’d never let him hit it/the one who might let him hit it. One day. Maybe. If he’s nice.

And don’t tell me it’s because you haven’t got any other good photos of yourself alone. Take some! I can’t imagine this approach is remotely successful. If he’s just looking to hookup, skip on over to Craigslist! I certainly wouldn’t want to be taken off of the market by someone who flaunts his female friendships in everyone’s face. Can you even imagine what the Facebook profile of this type of guy looks like?

3) Speaking of Facebook.

Conundrum of the week: One guy I’ve been chatting with recently has asked me to add him on Facebook, even though we haven’t gone for a pre-date, a.k.a. coffee yet. (It’s happening next week. I’ll be wearing another version of outfit #1, in case you were wondering. I look SICK in skinny leather pants!)

But I don’t want to add him for several reasons:

I’m already Facebook married to my best friend DMW, and have been for the better part of 4 years. We’ve been in a long, happy, very fulfilling platonic relationship for 12 years, and I don’t see that changing anytime soon. (Plus, she refuses to update her status to reflect real marriage to her actual husband, so I take a stand simply because she does.) Since I’m never changing my online marital status, like ever, why should we bother becoming Facebook friends?

And then there’s that — we’re not really even friends. I don’t know him and he doesn’t know me. I feel like we’d be creating an extremely false sense of intimacy incredibly early. And what if we don’t like each other? Then I have to delete him at some point, which seems corny and petty and cheesy, but I also don’t care to see updates from a dude I didn’t hit it off with in the first place.

He might be nosy. I HATE nosy men. You know them — men that comb through all 500+ Facebook photos of you (then Google for more), men who asks for pictures to be sent via text or What’s App EVERY COTDAMN DAY, men who ask the most ridiculously inane questions about your life instead of waiting to learn more about you organically.

Can you tell that I’ve been through this before?!

But I digress.

I’ve never added any of my real boyfriends on Facebook, either. If history is any indicator, our relationship will go belly up in six months, so what’s the point? Adding a full-blown stranger on Facebook just seems weird.

Or am I the weird one? Is it wrong to want to keep my real life (as real as it can be on Facebook) separate from my digital dating life?

This post originally appeared on XOJane. Republished with permission. Click here for more India-Jewel on XOJane! 

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  • Nastée Em-A-Grant

    “I refuse to respond to men who have snaps of them with other women on their page…”
    “But seriously, what’s that even about? If you’re on a dating site trying to meet new chicks, why have old/other chicks in pictures?”

    That very fact got your attention, didn’t it? I think it makes them more desirable because they already hang with cool chicks. You may not like it but that how the online dating scene (matter of fact dating period), or would rather have a guy who’s not already desired by other women. Remember, in the dating scene we women oftentimes talk west but walk east…

    • simplyme

      Does it actually make them look better to you…? I honestly think ..ok it confirms that he’s not completely crazy (because crazy men tend not get women in the first place) so good, but there is a 90% chance that he is a douche… so the final verdict is I’ll pass. If he has to prove his worth by the number of women who appear to be interested he’s probably majorly lacking…or else he would just display those desirable qualities and let them do the talking. It reeks of insecurity. Just my thoughts…

  • sannaa perez

    ” in case you were wondering. I look SICK in skinny leather pants!” um… really? why are the big girls always the ones that are sooo into themselves? if you stand behind her and smell beef jerky, it’s because her thighs done dried up the leather from all the rubbing. better go get some fire retardant.

  • Nakia

    I don’t date online or use Facebook. I’m private like that and I like meeting men the old school way – face to face. I need to read your energy and look into your eyes when you talk to me. In other words, I have nothing to contribute to the actual topic. I did want to say though, that skinny black leather pants are a bit much for a coffee date. Rock something, um, lighter and save the fierceness for an actual date.

    Also, in this pic, the author looks like “Sweetie” from RHOA.

  • moonfairysexy

    I purposely make my profile creepy. I don’t want any weak wimpy women. I want women who are fearless, so that I may have strong and brave offspring. So by making creepy profiles, men are able to filter out the shallow, vain, and timid women out there… and there is an ocean of them.

    Not that I want to have offspring. Who wants those brats. And sex is gross. Have you see the XXXX that comes out of a woman’s vagina? Ever see a still birth? Not to mention, marriage, an antiquated obsolete ritual, has zero benefits in the modern age.