The relationship is over. You’ve argued, shed tears and maybe even cut up a picture or twenty and now that things have settled you’re single and ready to mingle. Maybe the relationship ended well and you two remain friends or maybe it was like War of the Roses with you two trying to kill each other. Either way, you’re ready to move on! You land yourself a hot date and over dinner things seem to be going well and then your date asks “So, what would your ex say about you?”

*Screech* Huh? I thought we weren’t supposed to talk about exes on first dates and besides, who cares what my ex thinks?

I’ve definitely had moments like these and at first I used to agree that the opinions of my exes didn’t matter, but as my dating life evolved I realized that to some degree it did. Life is all about growing and changing, and often in relationships we’re so busy trying to be in (or out) of love that we don’t really see or understand how we appear to our partners. Getting the opinion of an ex is not to give them some kind of elevated importance in your life, it’s to learn more about yourself.

Now that the relationship is over your ex can honestly tell you all those things about yourself that you might have never realized. That annoying habit you have, or maybe it’s the fact that during arguments you’re a right fighter and don’t listen. If your ex had any real feelings for you at all the feedback will be genuine and not meant to hurt you. You should walk away from the conversation with a bit more insight into yourself and the things that you need to improve upon for your next relationship.

I’ve had these conversations with an ex or two and while most of their comments were positive, I would be lying if I didn’t say that some of their comments were like taking a punch in the gut from Ali in his prime. Ouch doesn’t begin to cover it. But, it was the truth and I was able to take their comments and do some introspection that hopefully will help me evolve in future relationships. Naturally, the opinions of an ex should be taken with a grain of salt, I mean they are exes, but even behind the most subtle shade is a drop of truth so just use your filter to get to the heart of the message.

So, what would your exes say about you? Was their any truth to what they said?

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  • Medusa

    Well, I’ve heard some of the shit he’s said about me, and it’s been ugly, untrue shit, so I’m not sure I give a damn about what he has to say.

  • Chelley5483

    Yup, I think this is crucial. You may not have to ask your ex by the time he/she becomes your ex, but it’s helpful while in the relationship, to refer back to arguments that were had, things you did to lead you two astray. I’ve learned a lot about me, usually from the harshest things my ex said to me. Of course I threw a fit when he’d tell me, because of the brash delivery, but then I’d sit back and think and he was NOT lying.

    I think these flaws of mine, if not corrected, have the potential to poison any other relationship if I don’t acknowledge and correct them. It’s great to think we’re the almighty perfect ones within the union, but it’s an immature assumption to think that way.

    I’m all for this.. Knowing your faults in a relationship is much more conducive to growth than being able to ramble about your (ex)partner’s every flaw.

  • Blue

    What does my ex have to say about me? Nothing…we’re not together anymore so who cares what he thinks.

  • apple

    ” i messed up”

  • JDF

    Oh how I don’t want to be on the same bus as you….but I am. A work in progress…