DatesSo, I’ve still been thinking a lot about the New York Times’ assertion that courtship has kicked the bucket. I jotted down some thoughts about that. You can read them here. One point that the piece makes that I agree with is that lots of daters out there — men and women both — are unclear about the difference between a date and a non-date. Let’s review a few “dating experiences” cited in the piece…

30-year-old Shani Silver got asked out on a “date,” but didn’t hear from the guy until 10p.m. when he texted her and said: “Hey, I’m at Pub & Kitchen, want to meet up for a drink or whatever? … I’m here with a bunch of friends from college.”


“I don’t like to take girls out. I like to have them join in on what I’m doing — going to an event, a concert,” says anonymous dude.


25-year-old Lindsay recalled a “non-date” where after an evening when she exchanged flirtatious glances with a bouncer at a Williamsburg nightclub, the bouncer invited her and her friends back to his apartment for whiskey and boxed macaroni and cheese.


34-year-old blogger Anna Goldfarb complained that she frequently receives the “typical, annoying … last-minute: ‘Is anything fun going on tonight?’”


29-year-old Cheryl Yeoh “said that she has been on many formal dates of late — plays, fancy restaurants. One suitor even presented her with red roses. For her, the old traditions are alive simply because she refuses to put up with anything less. She generally refuses to go on any date that is not set up a week in advance, involving a degree of forethought.”


Yeah, there’s some definite confusion here. I don’t have a clue as to how to solve our socio-cultural dating problems. There’s not  much I can do to revive courtship. But I sure as hell can clarify the difference between a date and a non-date.

Let’s review. Below, the breakdown of a date vs. a non-date and what you should expect from both:

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