DatesSo, I’ve still been thinking a lot about the New York Times’ assertion that courtship has kicked the bucket. I jotted down some thoughts about that. You can read them here. One point that the piece makes that I agree with is that lots of daters out there — men and women both — are unclear about the difference between a date and a non-date. Let’s review a few “dating experiences” cited in the piece…

30-year-old Shani Silver got asked out on a “date,” but didn’t hear from the guy until 10p.m. when he texted her and said: “Hey, I’m at Pub & Kitchen, want to meet up for a drink or whatever? … I’m here with a bunch of friends from college.”


“I don’t like to take girls out. I like to have them join in on what I’m doing — going to an event, a concert,” says anonymous dude.


25-year-old Lindsay recalled a “non-date” where after an evening when she exchanged flirtatious glances with a bouncer at a Williamsburg nightclub, the bouncer invited her and her friends back to his apartment for whiskey and boxed macaroni and cheese.


34-year-old blogger Anna Goldfarb complained that she frequently receives the “typical, annoying … last-minute: ‘Is anything fun going on tonight?’”


29-year-old Cheryl Yeoh “said that she has been on many formal dates of late — plays, fancy restaurants. One suitor even presented her with red roses. For her, the old traditions are alive simply because she refuses to put up with anything less. She generally refuses to go on any date that is not set up a week in advance, involving a degree of forethought.”


Yeah, there’s some definite confusion here. I don’t have a clue as to how to solve our socio-cultural dating problems. There’s not  much I can do to revive courtship. But I sure as hell can clarify the difference between a date and a non-date.

Let’s review. Below, the breakdown of a date vs. a non-date and what you should expect from both:

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    Wow, so women don’t have to worry about cooking, but they damn well better get the glass slipper treatment when it comes to dating???


    • AJW

      But who said anything about cooking or not cooking?

    • How about you get through the date before you worry about her cooking. Also have you stopped to think that being treated like the ugly stepsister instead of Cinderella is the reason women don’t do things they used to do?

    • Daisy

      @LA Red
      Agreed! THANK YOU!!!

  • This is actually pretty reasonable except for #2, plenty of dates center around events and parties.

  • It’s sad that most of my outings with guys, including the guys that I speak to regularly, have been non-dates but then they wonder why they’re still on the “bench”. It’s cool to meet new people so I don’t mind getting invited to group outings because you may meet the guy through the guy that “invited” you…

    I’m with Cheryl Yeoh…don’t expect anything less than what you truly want….if I wanted to hang out, I would’ve made plans to hang with myself :)

  • Lacey Smith

    I think these are great. I think it could be said that men and women view dating, relationships, etc. differently. I went out with a guy once who thought us sitting around his apartment while I watched him play video games, was a date. Of course back then I guess I would have considered it a date too since we were spending time “together”. Glad I smartened up! A friend of mine just passed me a book called “The Club Rules” by Johnny Mac and Kimberly D. You can check them and the book out on their website I think it’s perfect for people in the dating world. Thanks for the post!