If there was one wish I had for the fake Mayan apocalypse that sadly didn’t come true, it was that most online “relationship experts” would be swept away in the Biblical flood.

OK, maybe not swept away, but I hoped they would all at least repent and abandon their careers of giving women bad advice on finding love.

This business of trying to fix women’s singlehood is BOOMING and everyone’s jumping in feet first. Any Tom, Dick, Harry and Tyrese can to tell women what they’re doing wrong and why they aren’t worthy of love — and I wish they’d all just have a gahtdamb seat and go punch themselves in the face. Can you tell I’m fed up?


And the really annoying thing is that the men handing out these lackluster love tips have absolutely no real credentials, like maybe a degree of some kind. It’s as if they think their penises are rolled-up certificates of achievement. Someone should tell them that every time an article called “10 Reasons Why You’re Still Single” is written, an angel loses her temper and tells them to STFU. And then she throws her harp.

Clearly, that someone is me.

Most recently, the folks on my Facebook fan page brought to my attention some dude (I’ll call him Linen Folex, because he had on a tacky linen suit with a fake Rolex in his profile picture) who fancies himself some sort of love life fixer — Olivier Nope, if you will.

On his page, he warns men to stay away from women he deems unworthy. He also tells women what to do to become worthy, dropping such gems as, “A woman who has 3 or more visible tattoos is a ho,” and, “If she likes you, she will pay you.”

Those statements are so stupid that I’m pretty sure the word “stupid” is offended.

Linen Folex’s random tidbits are not only narrow-minded, but they’re misogyny personified. He is a perfect representation of the current crop of “relationship experts” who can hardly hide the fact that they don’t think much of women. Mr. Folex and his obtuse peers assume that everything women do is motivated by an eternal yearning for companionship.




Maybe these terrible messages wouldn’t be so bad if these fools didn’t have willing audiences. Linen has over 5,000 likes on Facebook and has 150,000 followers on Twitter.

Who are these lost souls listening to all this nonsense? We need to pray for them, then push them in a pool of holy water.

Women are co-signing this stuff by the droves, sopping up this bad advice like cheddar bay biscuits at Red Lobster. Women are actually responding with, “You are speaking TRUTH! We appreciate your honesty!”  and, “You are bringing so much truth…It’s amazing once you really start to find, realize and accept the REAL truth.” 

Ma’ams, your self-hating is showing. Kindly tuck it in.

Even worse than some of these lonely women are the cosigning men who applaud dudes like Mr. Folex. They think he’s some sort of manhood messiah and it’s so sad.

Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately), I don’t hide disdain well. Fed up with all the foolishness when I saw that Linen Folex called a writer for women’s site a “negro bed wench,” I went off. I replied to his tweet with, “Sir, you’re a bitch.” And then I called him a “fucking cunt.”

Folks thought I was hacked because I usually keep my tweets PG-13. I was not. I’d just had enough.

Naturally, Folex called me a man hater, among other things. Then his Twitter followers ran into my mentions, defending him and basically being the degenerates I expected they’d be. Then this gang of sheep went to my Facebook fan page and started running amok, calling me a lonely hater and, of course, a ho.

All I could do was facepalm and wonder where we went wrong as a human race.

This relationship expert propaganda needs to end. Friends don’t let friends buy into this boolsheet, and the only way we can fight back is to call them out on their crap. These men have received way too much positive reinforcement, which has assured them that what they’re saying is of value. CALL THEM OUT.

We need to fight back against these idiots because our friends and sisters are eating this up, and feeling worse about themselves and their lives for it. These women are now on starting lineup for Team Bad Decisions and the feedback they’re getting from these FAUXPERTS is chipping away at their confidence.

So feel free to pass this post along to that friend you have. You know the one who’s always buying relationship advice books and subscribes to every relationship blog on the web? Yes. Send it to her.


This post originally appeared on XOJane. Republished with permission. Click here for more Luvvie
on XOJane! 

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  • Me

    Lol LOL I can’t say enough! You are so right!
    This topic is soooo OVER! Ok so what, I’ve been happily married for 13 years I hope and pray that if I was to suddenly be single I will understand that this is as much BS then as it is Today!!. So many of the Do Not’s these mean sprout apply to me and yet I have a handsome BROTHA who adores me. BTW I have a few of those desperate friends and I swear I am the only voice of reason they hear.

  • Furious Styles

    “And as a child of two parents in a long term successful marriage (and they are very much still in love) these kinds of advice seem like a joke. Like I can’t believe any time this topic comes up it never progresses beyond the most basic of things like “She gotta be fit, she gotta cook”.Sadly, I know many people have not had examples of successful relationships and marriages and so they feel like these authors provide valuable advice.”
    You’re lucky. The “Relationship Advice Industrial Complex” has become the surrogate in the absence of examples of healthy relationships. If people had what you had, there would be no need for anybody to sell quick fixes, routines, and 90-day rules.

    • That is so true. Most women I know grew up in some sort of dysfunctional parenting situation.

    • That is very true. Most women I know grew up in a dysfunctional parenting situation.

  • Marisa

    I pull a Bridget Jones Diary and hit them with that marriage/relationship that doesn’t end well stat shuts them up real quick. Or I go you know they say misery loves company and those whose own situation are screwed cant wait for people to join them, that’s where all that advising comes from. If your happy with yours be happy with yours and only advise if your asked other than that SHUT UP. I swear some folks what a couple episodes of Fix Your Life and think their Iyanla.