Dead CupidI’m sure most people are familiar with the saying, “don’t look a gift horse in the mouth”.  Basically, be grateful for the gift you’ve received, smile and hide your disappointment. Well maybe it doesn’t exactly mean hide your disappointment, but we’ve all been there.

I don’t make a habit out of giving gifts on Valentine’s Day or any holiday where gift giving is involved. Unless you’re a kid, chances are, you’re probably not going to be on the receiving end of a gift. Unfortunately, I have been on the receiving end of some pretty atrocious Valentine’s Day gifts, from the same person as a matter of fact.

I’m not sure why he thought it would be a great idea to give me a kitten as a gift.  At first I thought it was a gag gift, being that I’ve told them countless times a) I find cats creepy b) I’m allergic. Imagine the shock on my face, and subsequent hives, after opening up a box and seeing a squirmy kitten.  Immediately I started sneezing, that’s when it dawned on him, “Oh shit, I forgot you were allergic”. “Please just give me my epi-pen please”, was the only thing I could say. I actually wanted to ask, “Negro, are you trying to kill me?”

Then there was the alarm clock. I always admired him for his quirkiness, but quirky gifts are a no-no. As many times as we’ve stayed over each other’s house, there was never a time I needed an alarm to wake up. Till this day, my internal clock is better than any alarm clock. But what really made this alarm clock special, was the picture of his face on the inside. So every time I rolled over, there was his face illuminating on my nightstand.  Creepy.

Eventually we broke up, but we still remain great friends. I told him last night that I would mention those two gifts, and once again he apologized about the cat, but not about the illuminating self-portrait alarm clock. I told him the one gift I ever really wanted for Valentine’s Day was a Chia Pet, eventually I got one, but I had to buy it myself.

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