When Clutch contributor Demetria Lucas wrote that black women should just marry each other as a solution to the Single Black Woman crisis, it was in satire. But loving other women as a last resort is a real issue for some, according to Jada Pinkett-Smith.

The actress vented on her Facebook page about 40+ women who are looking to the same-sex for companionship and love, after failed heterosexual relationships.

She writes:

Before I begin…I want to make one thing clear. It’s important that you know that I believe love comes in ALL forms. I believe a person should love WHOMEVER…HOWEVER they choose. But…I do have a question.

In the last month, three women, in their 40s, coming out of long-term relationships with men have confided in me that they now feel that their last resort for companionship is that with a woman. These are women who have never engaged in or even desired to be in intimate relationships with other women. Now these women feel as though they have no other option. It seems as if there is a spike in same-sex love all around. What is changing in which how men and women are relating to one another, that is creating same-sex love as a LAST RESORT for heterosexual women?


The responses are as passionate and thought-provoking as you’d expect:

One commenter said: “Simply put.. Love is genderless….it’s not so much that it’s a last resort but ratherwhenall else have failed..explore something new…right or wrong is for God to decide…not you or I!”

Another wrote: “Straight women who seek women because they are running from men will NOT find what they desire in WOMAN. The truth is, bisexuality is very rare but women playing games pretending they are “bisexual” is on the rise. A true lesbian will run from a woman claiming to be bisexual. What you can find is two straight women running from men who find each other and can deal with each other on that level. Let me be clear… those women are NOT lesbians! Here is the problem these women have: They select the wrong men because they have not learned the difference between good men versus males who have never developed into good men. Solution: Start selecting and welcoming the right men into your lives.”

Yet another said: “Their only option, BS, This doesn’t make sense to me. A relationship is a relationship whether it’s heterosexual or same sex. The same issues these women had/have with men can still arise in their lesbian relationship.”

What are your thoughts on Jada Pinkett-Smith’s query and commenter’s responses, Clutchettes?

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  • Barbara

    I like knowing everything about my Black sisters. I think it’s a good idea for Clutch to hire someone who can tell us about our Lesbian sisters, or whether or not they are actually Lesbians.

    As well informed as I am, I know very little about my Black Lesbian sisters. I hope they are well.

    As a hetrosexual Black female, we get the double whammy treatment in this society. Do our Lesbian sisters get a triple whammy when coping in this society?

    • Val

      ” Do our Lesbian sisters get a triple whammy when coping in this society?”


      And, I wish everyone had your attitude.

  • lex

    addressing what jada sad, why become something you are not? i fully understand and know that most women who reach 40 yrs are afraid of growing old alone because their dating pool is relatively smaller compared to women who are younger than they are. growing old alone is not a death sentence. those women who feel the need to turn to women for companionship are running from the inevitable fact that they truly dont know how to enjoy their own company. instead of trying to be something you are not, just grow old with female best friend who share the same values as you do.

  • EbonyLolita

    Honestly I’m a SBM, heterosexual. I too have seen “certain” women be “gay for pay” I’m talking about maybe there is an attraction to females but it only comes into play when they are tired of dealing with the B.S. from men. These type of women get with other lesbians b/c they know that those women will NOT cheat on them w/another man, maybe w/another woman but they don’t seem to care about that. Once they get in these relationships they benefit from the type of gift giving & pampering that they are unable to get from men. This, to me, is a form of emotionally using & abusing someone & using THEIR sexuality to do so. That’s lame & shitty.

    Now I also know some late in life lesbians. You know the type that always knew but fake the funk for family, friends or the notion of having kids. There are a lot of different categories in this discussion & I think it needs to be explored. But let the LGBTQ community explore it. If I was a lesbian I wouldn’t date of woman who is bi-sexual, too many options & confusion. Most self-classified bisexual women I know would drop a woman at the drop of a dime to get w/a man that makes them happy. I guess no matter what your orientation is you have to watch out for ppl that are not emotionally in tuned to who they are & what they want.

    • au napptural

      I’ve seen that phenom. My (male) cousin was dating a nice young teacher who had an abnormally close relationship with another older woman. Finally, he finds out this older woman pays for everything, the girl’s bills and all. In return the girl has to be…available to her. But she was generous enough to allow the girl a boyfriend, as long as she kept quiet about the arrangement.

      When I worked in service I saw a lot of this. Young women with infants and toddlers in tow would be talking about how their child’s father was no good, then call the hard looking, older women who were paying for everything baby.

  • The Other Jess

    why would anybody even write such a ridiculous article? pathetic.

  • au napptural

    This topic is really the elephant in the room of the black community. There was in article about in many years ago in Essence, but I feel like there needs to be a follow up. There has been a straight-up explosion of lesbianism since the demise of black men. And yes, it stems in part from black women refusing to date out. Personally, I know some people who have flipped back and forth depending on what’s available. But we can never talk about it b/c no one wants to hear anything but people were born gay, live gay, going to die gay. I agree with Cynthia Nixon. She said for her being gay was a choice, but she was fully aware when she was having relationships with men, etc. http://perezhilton.com/2012-01-23-cynthia-nixon-says-being-gay-was-a-choice-for-her#.UT6ktKzleSo

    Some people choose it. Whether it be lack of options, good options (I know woman who said she could get hotter women than men, so why not), etc. My thoughts: meh. On the one hand, people are grown, and I’ve never been bothered by it. On the other, it really speaks to our unwillingness to get out of certain boxes. What drives me crazy is when black women won’t date IR with men and then go and date a white lesbian! And have white children a la Wanda Sykes….why Lord.