I have never been a patient person.
When I was younger, I would try to spy on my parents after they shopped for presents for my brother and I because I couldn’t bear to wait until Christmas morning to see what we got. It got so bad one year that we unwrapped our presents just enough so we could see what they bought us.
Whenever my brother’s (or mother’s or father’s) birthday came around, I would bug somebody in the house to pleeeaassseee tell me what their present was because I just had to know.
Growing up, I never liked waiting for my birthday to roll around, couldn’t wait for the first day of school to finally happen, and even today, I can’t wait for summer to make its grand entrance.
Patience may be a virtue, but it’s one that I’ve struggled to posses over the years.
Although I’ve gotten a little better as of late (being a teacher and the mother of a small child will do that to you), in many aspects of my life, patience still eludes me.
Whenever I think about my life and where I’d like to be, it happens.
I get antsy. I begin to feel uneasy about where I am in comparison to where I wish I were at this stage of my life.
When I was in college, I would visualize my life and think that by the time I hit 25 I’d be done with grad school (check), and well on the way to progressing in my career. (Too bad I didn’t know what career that would be at the time, I just knew I’d be on my way to running shit.)
Little did I know that life would throw a few curve balls along the way—an unplanned pregnancy, a move back to Los Angeles from NYC, a cushy job with a horrible commute, and a growing sense that I wasn’t doing what I loved.
Here I am, a few years past my 25th birthday, and I’m still not where I’d like to be.
Despite the bumps in the road, I have made quite a bit of progress, but still…I can’t seem to shake this feeling. Some nights, I stare at the ceiling of my bedroom wondering when it will happen.
When will I finally be living the life I dreamed about?
If I thought I was the only one feeling like this I would be alarmed, but I know I’m not alone.
I’ve had countless conversations with my girls about our lives, our back-in-the-day goals and our current aspirations, and despite our very best efforts (and mountains of student loan debts), most of us aren’t even close to achieving our goals. Sure, we are in the vicinity, but we most certainly are not there just yet.
How could so many intelligent, goal-orientated, dedicated and resourceful women still not make it to the mountaintop?
Some of us have shifted our priorities. Others realized that the cushy corner office job came at a sky-high price—obscene amounts of overtime and the lack of an actual life. Some found that their original career plan didn’t mesh with what they actually wanted out of life. A few followed their passions, while others took time off to marry and start families.
Whatever twists and turns led us to this point, it all boils down the same: We are just waiting for it.
We are waiting for love, for awesome careers, for dope vacations, for all that we’ve ever dreamed, hustled, saved, and sacrificed for to just happen already.
Because even though we’re strong and committed to seeing our lives take shape, sometimes…the weight of the wait becomes a bit unbearable.
What are you just waiting for?