Sexual promiscuity is sexual promiscuity. It’s not bad or good, negative or positive, and certainly not rated by socioeconomic class. It simply is what it is: a sexual behavior. While promiscuous sex has perks, it can definitely roll out consequences. Staying protected is essential, and remaining emotionally guarded is a must, unless you’re naturally polyamorous. Primarily, I encourage all women to be sexually empowered, whether it is with one partner or many. However, I find that there are some double standards when it comes to women of different socioeconomic statuses sexing it up.

I have a question:

Why is it that women of less economical means, aka hood girls, are given the side-eye for sexing men (and sometimes women) by educated, more economically empowered women who exhibit the same type of behavior and “get theirs” just as often?

*cricket* *cricket*

Most individuals with vaginas are likely to need some on the regular: toy, man, or woman. Sexual urges don’t discriminate by the bank account or college degree. In fact, I’d argue that the urges of all women manifest in similar ways.

During my college years I stayed in Brooklyn (Bed-stuy stand up!). Often, I’d attend typical basement parties on various blocks or hit a local club only to observe some of the deepest woman-on-woman judgment I’ve ever seen in my life. Brooklyn crowds are mixed in terms of socioeconomic class. You have your young professional groups and not-so-professional groups, yet everyone is there to drink, flirt, and have a good time.

There is always that one hood girl: Baby Phat, skirt riding her donk, curled up in some baller-looking-man’s arms, getting just about all the attention in the room.

All of the sudden, there’s this horrible sound of educated women’s faces cracking and contorting. Eyeballs start to roll, teeth suck, and then comments start to fly off the tongue.

“She’s doing too much.”

“That’s so inappropriate.”

“I wish they’d get a room.”

“No class, no class.”

On the other hand, let me party in Manhattan where some of the more “elite” tend to congregate. I’ve observed many educated women who run businesses and organizations during the day and, at the party, practice the same type of behavior as the “hood” girl and no one drops a comment. The attitude seems to be “do you” and I’m going to mind my business while having a good time. Yes, truly it is none of your business and her sexcapade should not be the focus of your attention.

As an educated woman, I’ve frequented both crowds: hood and elite. I’ve gone to parties, flirted very sexually, and, on special occasions, taken some lucky men home with me. Most of the women I know, primarily being educated, have done the same. Yet, let us be in a Brooklyn-style setting and see a hood girl about to get hers and it seems like there is a free fall of judgment. I am the girlfriend who calls people out in my bourgeois circle. Let one smart-ass comment fly about that hood girl boo-loving in the corner and I’m the first to recount the commenter’s random booty call last week. I don’t tolerate women putting down women because of their sexual practices. It’s inappropriate and a detriment to the full empowerment of women across the board.

Promiscuity comes in all shapes, sizes, and classes. College degrees do not give you permission to be a hypocrite and cast judgment. I say even to the committed, monogamous women: hold your tongue. Most women need sexual satisfaction and everyone handles that need differently. No one way is better than the other.

In whatever way you “get yours,” let the next girl “do her” without your vocal and visual lashes.

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  • eagletail

    Sisters let look at the correlation between fast women and fast food.

    -Both are easily accessible

    -Both require little to no effort

    -Both are open well after midnight….some are open 24 hours a day

    -Neither is good for you physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually

    -Both are very convenient ….all you have to do is “drive through”

    -Both are quick and easy to get

    -Neither one requires any discipline

    A home cooked meal is something that requires preparation, and thought, the spices have to marinate, it has to simmer, it takes time, there is quality in it….after a man has a “home cooked” meal he will understand that one leaves him wanting while the other satisfies his soul.

    So Sisters, you can either be viewed as a “quick convenience” or as a “long lasting companion”…the choice is yours!

    Brothers……be mindful of who you allow to “feed” you!

    • Pops

      @EagleTail

      Thank you!

    • The Moon in the Sky

      The ‘brothers’ should be cooking their own meals anyway.

      And why are women being compared to fast food?

  • Having had the opportunity to live abroad, it’s the same everywhere, those who have little resources get the worst of everything, including reputations.

    That’s all.

    We really judge people by their socio-economic status everywhere on earth.

    Poor women are seen as whores and low class because their options are limited.

    An example of this is Planned Parenthood can only tract the poor women it tracks, there are no statistics on abortions performed at private clinics and hospitals.

    The numbers would be VERY different.

    • Fantastico

      Yeah you got it! It’s called classism and we don’t talk about it enough in the US.

    • Eduardo

      I agree, there’s a lot of that going on here.

  • Nic

    There are promiscuous women (and men, why do we never talk about men and promiscuity?) at ever level of the economic ladder, however, perhaps the biggest difference between “loose” women of means and poor “loose” women is that for some women, being a baby mamma is seen as a strategy to secure your economic future.
    I know plenty of girls that were what my mom would call “fast” but don’t have any kids to show for it, so they might take a lot of people home but aren’t popping out babies for them 9 months later.

    If you sleep with a bunch of men and have 5 baby daddies it just means it’s easier for people to judge your bad choices b/c they are following you around every day.

  • TMITS

    This article would be better titled as “Promiscuity: Educated vs. Uneducated”

    Why are the sex lives of women being compared to that of girls?

  • WhatIThink

    There are many ways of slicing and dicing this but lets keep it where it needs to be. The sexual revolution occurred in America in the sixties and is the great granddad of the sex in the city generation (white culture). Yet you don’t see white women running around with a bunch of baby daddies now do you? On the other hand, black women, no matter what economic status they have, seem to have a disproportionate number of children out of wedlock. So more than this being a money issue it is a cultural issue. Unfortunately, the reality is that for black folks, hood rat culture is BLACK culture and nobody wants to admit it but it is true and reflects the same sort of social and economic pathologies seen in all parts of the black community. For example, why do so many black folks engage in out of wedlock sex without a condom? Why do they have sex with so many partners without testing for STDs or in very at risk scenarios? Those issues go beyond the economic status and have more to do with social and cultural issues and deficiencies than anything else. Sexual freedom is one thing but being irresponsible and ignorant is something else… How often do you hear “I didn’t know I could get pregnant/get a STD”…. while having unprotected sex? Sad but true.

    • Anon

      Well, if there was some RALL tea to be sipped from this, it would be that white men are NOT okay as a group to have children out in the world that are not provided and cared for, so they tend to MARRY their girlfriends and mothers of their children, but of course, THAT can’t ever be talked about. I don’t know a SINGLE race of women other than black women that will support a man like we do. Have his back, provide a home, etc… and the second a dude gets 20 cents in his pocket is trying to give it to someone else. Why aren’t ya’ll self-policing your own like every other ethnic male group on the planet does is the REAL question in this.

    • WhatIThink

      That may be true but most sexually active women also use birth control as part of their own personal attitudes towards being sexually active. The point being if you are sexually active, meaning sexually active with people you have no intention of marrying or engaging in any way, then you protect yourself. Period. That is what the sexual revolution was about. Women and men having sex for the pleasure outside of the bonds of marriage.

      So like I said, it is the social pathologies that cripple black folks more than anything else, male and female. If black folks want to be sexually active, then so be it, but protect yourself. That is common sense isn’t it?

      I mean look how many hedonistic clubs white folks got in New York alone let alone across the country and you don’t see them with rampant out of wedlock births and STDs. So no matter how you slice it, black folks are failing at sex education and teaching responsibility. There is no reason on earth why in 2013 that black folks still act naive and gullible when it comes to sex. And that goes for both black men and women. When is the last time you saw a character on Sex in the City or Girls have babies out of wedlock? Never. Because black folks really haven’t separated the idea of sex for the pleasure of sex from having a mate and life partner in my opinion and as a group they tolerate ignorance and stupidity among themselves as a group and don’t police themselves across the board, male or female. And that is why hood rat culture becomes black culture.

    • thetruth

      @Anon

      “Well, if there was some RALL tea to be sipped from this, it would be that white men are NOT okay as a group to have children out in the world that are not provided and cared for, so they tend to MARRY their girlfriends and mothers of their children, but of course, THAT can’t ever be talked about.”

      I’m actually impressed with how you were able to spin this into a subtle black men bashing moment. At least you were creative about it.

    • Anon

      @the truth

      I keeps it 100 boo. And if you REALLY want to know where I have that thought process from… my dad, my grandfathers, my uncles, my cousins… you know, black men.

      Who told me to stay away from excuse-making kneegroes w/ no solutions when it came to fixing their own communities. And as I’ve said on here before, who stay in black WOMEN’S business instead of creating their own opportunities. You can ask James about this. This ain’t the first time I’ve peeped this message.

      And (I really would like you to spell this out), how exactly, did I bash “black men”. Because the black men that I grew up with made sure to espouse to me the.same.dang.thing. They cared enough for me to not get caught up in foolishness.

      A man who consistently makes excuses, is a man who won’t provide. And a man too caught up in “womanish” things, is not a man to pay heed to.

      That comment is/was for those black women and girls who didn’t receive that message.