gay black men

When I was in high school, a handful of my friends seemed to become lesbians over night.

Back then (the good ol’ days of the late ‘90s) teen girls seemed to be experimenting more and more (or maybe I was just catching on?) with their sexuality, and it seemed like on any given day the home girl you would trade notes with in 5th period about the cutest boys in the class, was now strolling the halls on another chick’s arm.

For a while, I was confused; but I got over it. My friends were gay, and I was fine with that. Fast forward a few years, and now my formerly gay girlfriends are happily married…to men.

While most have accepted that the sexuality of (some) women is fluid, we don’t give men, particularly Black men, the same room to experiment. Once a man sleeps with a man, in most people’s eyes he’s labeled gay forever. End of story.

But is it really?

In a recent post on MUSED magazine, Jared Clemons grapples with this exact question. Like me, Clemons’ formerly gay homies are now married to people of the opposite sex, and it’s forced him to ask, “If a man engages in sexual activity with another man, is he ipso facto bisexual or gay?”

Clemons writes:

Recently, I decided to log into Facebook for the first time in months. Not much has changed: Facebook continues to offer heavy doses of overwrought, polemic statuses about race relations, unnecessary pregnancy announcements and plenty of “thank you God for waking me up this morning” messages.

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

At any rate, as I was browsing, I came across something very interesting, as well as something that I see becoming increasingly prevalent as I march closer to that Social Security check the older I get: gay guys I know getting married to women.

Or at least I thought they were gay.

Last year, an interesting study found that “flexible sexual desire” is not only found in women, and a recent Huffington Post article aimed to explain, “Why some straight men are romantically or sexually attracted to other men.”

So let me ask you this, Clutchettes: In your opinion, can a heterosexual man occasionally sleep with men–or ever–and still be considered straight? Speak on it!

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  • No. Sexuality is fluid no matter how many times your mind, experiences or patriarchal society tells you it isn’t. Wake up from the fairytales. This ‘ain’t cho mama’s culture’. It’s high time we start educating ourselves sans political, biblical bias and actually face reality. Sexuality has never been static. Even God knows this to be true. It has been fluid as long as man has walked the earth. Even if you are totally straight probability tells us that anyone within your immediate vicinity could feel differently. That doesn’t make you bad, out dated, old fashioned, or homophobic. It just makes you you. As long as there’s been heterosexuality, homosexuality has been right around corner. So all this ‘gay agenda’ bull has got to rest.

    According to statistics, 3.8%, about 9 out of 317 million, of US citizens actually identify as LGBT. I think we can all agree that those statistics are terribly obstructed by the simple fact that ‘sexual deviancy’ outside of the hetero-norm is taboo and as such remains undocumented. Which means a portion of the 308 million self-descibed heterosexuals are indeed having same-sex relations. Could it be you? Are you man enough to be a man? Or woman enough to be a woman? Have you failed your gender? Feeling like a cultural disgrace? Who cares? Black folks do!

    Now, on to the sordid topic of Sexually Transmitted Diseases. When will we realize that our cultural pride and bigotry concerning how others should use their genitals is the platform for the epidemic of secrecy and disease itself? Masculine ego is full of deceit! The days of heteronormativity (assuming everyone who appears to be straight is heterosexual) are gone. Over! Finito! Caput! Get over it, and then we can be responsible for getting the necessary information and tests on our partners and become forthwith about our sexual history prior to committed relationships. Back in the day people had sex just the same as we do now. We, however do not have the luxuries of low STD probabilities and high privacy standards. If you can still love that person after truly knowing who they are sexually good for you. If you can’t, that’s fine too, but don’t make cheap of a person’s feelings/worth if they’re found to be regrettably unsuitable as per your standards. If you let your friends dictate who you should or shouldn’t sleep with, marry, or screw then you’re repressed, because, deep down, you have your own views that cater to your wants and needs. Neglecting your sexual self for the wants and concerns of others leads to divorce, adultery, promiscuity, and depression.

    The sooner we as a culture can accept these realities the sooner we can progress to a future full of happier marriages, better sex, women’s rights, decreased misogyny and gender crimes, wide-spread unbiased unadulterated education, lower STD rates, and higher male cultural involvement.