Man with Hand of FaceSay you’ve got a man. A good man. (Well, an OK man, let’s not go crazy.) And he has a habit. A texting/tweeting/Facebooking habit that involves no touching, no meeting, no exchanging of bodily fluids, but still, there he is, up on the social networking talking to … well, you now who — women who aren’t you.

And what is your resident Anthony Weiner talking about? He says he’s just talking. Or maybe he’s just seeing if he’s “still got it,” or whatever that is supposed to mean. What? Got the ability to still lead chicks on over Facebook into long, elaborate Facebook relationships but be all, “Sorry FB girlfriend. Real Life Girlfriend has this on lock. So sad. Too bad for you. And all those sexts you sent.”

People say if it’s the Internet it’s not real, but not if you ask all the folks we’ve known who’ve broken up over not de-friending their exes on Facebook. After all, ya’ll broke up. What you need to be friends for? What are you writing right now? Lemme see your phone!

Is your significant going overboard when he or she thinks you both need to get off Twitter or Facebook in order to go forward as a couple? Or can we all just text and not sext and still get along? What constitutes as cheating in this new technological age and have you ever dumped someone (or been dumped) over talking to members of the opposite sex on Facebook or Twitter?

How’d you deal with it? Inquiring minds want to know … for a friend. Yeah, a friend. That Clutch was kind of … well, girl you know. We’re on Twitter too.

In the age of texts and tweets who does and does not count as “someone who cheats?”

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  • This is interesting. LOL.

    But yes… social media can cause problems, more than need be, if you or your s/o allow them to do so within your relationship whether people want to admit it or not. Why do you think all of these scandals and affairs are happening over emails, twitter, Facebook, etc…? Why is Facebook one of the reasons listed in many recent divorce cases? It can take a huge toll on ones relationship.

    • Andrea

      Dear, people were cheating way before there was email or internet, and actually if anything it makes it easier for people to get busted (and use as grounds for divorce). So the only reason FB is cited in divorce cases is b/c it exists, but if not, those same people would be finding each other at reunion, at work, in personal ads, in bars, while on business trips, and all of the myriad of other ways that do not involve Twitter, FB, or email.
      There isn’t more cheating b/c of FB. You just have new ways to find other people, but anyone who wants a lover can find one.

      Without email, social media, etc., people had to pay PIs to take pictures of their partners’ behavior.

  • D

    I don’t think it’s cheating, but doing all of that chatting and picture-viewing in private will undoubtedly give the appearance of cheating or dishonesty. If you can’t share this stuff with your partner, it’s wrong, period. I don’t mean the actual text of private conversations (your friends have the right to expect privacy and that you won’t go blabbing about or showing private conversations to your partner). But your partner should be generally aware of who you’re talking to, when and why. It’s just courtesy.

  • This is about common sense. Where there’s smoke, there very well may be fire. Social networking has replaced the common letter and the phone call for many people, so as far as I’m concerned, if my partner is interested in contacting other women for flirting and mutual admiration it’s a very bad sign, irrespective of the medium used to facilitate the contact. Besides, there’s plenty of anecdotal evidence over the last decade or more suggesting that some of this may represent precipitory behavior; people engaging in this sort of behavior will often escalate to meeting their online object(s) of affection in person, and then what? Like any limited contact relationship or long distance relationship there’s always the risk of the engagers idealizing potential relationships over the ones they’re in on a daily basis. Sexting and tweeting people outside of a relationship has been the domain and medium of choice of many a fantasist and porn addict looking to escalate to live targets, sorry to tell you. If you or your partner are engaging in these precipitory behaviors, it’s advisable that you investigate and assess the stability of your relationship and the underlying issues. This is nothing to play with.

  • Marisa

    Well considering the mess Anthony Weiner has made of life and career just off of texting and tweeting, I would say social media flirting would get a major sideeye. Ok you have technically done anything YET but, for you to be seeking out others in a sexual/flirtatious manner online means you wanting for something other than me. Considering my nature of sleeping eating drinking the law, oh were going to have a relationship trial stat. You want others then I’m throwing up the deuces, because you will not be seeking out the possible affections of other women and being with me at the same time. Either this a relationship you want or not, and if its on Weiner’s level of what he has done to Huma most definitely I chuckin the deuces.

  • JN

    There are a LOT of missing pieces of information here, (esp. length of said relationship) so it is hard to say something that may be useful. Two things strike me here: The first thing is his apparent lack of transparency. I will not delve too much into that, because some people have a high tolerance level for that. If your man password protects his phone; if you can’t use his computer without him checking it first or if his web history is always clear when you check it; if he turns away or walks out of the room when he texts sometimes–maybe you gotta be aware of the red flags.

    The second thing is this: It sounds like the person who is asking this question was never clear about her standards for herself in the first place. What I mean is, for myself, sexting/texting is never ok. Are you now changing your standards because the guy meets a lot of your other requirements on the checklist? For one person, emotional cheating is enough. For some, it is the physical act. It seems like the reason this person is having a hard time with this is that she is thinking more with her heart instead of her head. Think of it this way: if you were not attracted to this person, would you tolerate this same behavior? And be honest with yourself. If you wouldn’t, maybe therein lies your answer.