In addition to October being Breast Cancer Awareness month, it is also Domestic Violence Awareness month. I’m sure some people may have known/or know someone who was/is a victim of domestic violence or maybe a victim themselves.The story you’re about to read is about a woman I met while volunteering at a transitional shelter for women and their children of mine. During my time volunteering, we formed a bond that has lasted several years and I’m grateful to have met her.

Tricia’s Story

“My mother always told me that no man should ever lay his hands on a woman. My father always told me that any man who hit a woman was one of the biggest cowards to walk the face of the earth. So you’d think I would expect more out of a relationship?


My story is the typical love gone wrong. Sure he seemed like the perfect man. I didn’t want for anything and never had to ask for anything. I loved his family and his family took me in as one of their own. After our 2nd year of dating, we moved in with each other and talks of marriage was always a subject of conversation.

Literally, that night I didn’t know what hit me. Out of the blue, square to the right side of my face, his fist landed.

It was a normal night at home. I cooked dinner and we sat down as usual and ate together. For some reason I could see tension in his face and he was very monotone. I got up and gathered up the plates and started washing the dishes. As I was washing the dishes, I asked him what was wrong, once again.

“Nothing!”, he snapped back at me.

As I had my back turned to him, he approached me from behind and handed me my cell phone. He pulled up the address book and questioned why did I have my ex-boyfriend’s phone number in it. I explained to him that occasionally we still talk, because we still have a lot of friends in common.

That’s when he hit me.

All I remember was a dish dropping on the floor. He told me I had no reason to talk to him. In between tears I reassured him there was nothing going on. I couldn’t believe what happened. I was in shock.

He left the kitchen and went to bedroom and shut the door.

I was now a victim. My life flashed before my eyes. I could either stay or leave. It doesn’t take much for me to fear for my life and I picked leaving. The next day after he left for work, I packed my belongings and left. He attempted to contact me and left numerous apologies on my voicemail. Even though I didn’t have a place to go, anything was better than living in fear.

He has not heard from me since.”

No one wants to become a statistic but occasionally it can happen. Tricia became a statistic when her once loving boyfriend decided to lay his hands on her. Unlike a lot of women, Tricia didn’t give a second chance. She knew after he hit her that she had to leave. Even though he begged and pleaded, she knew that she didn’t want to take any chances.

Below are some statistics in regards to violence against women:

On the average, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends every day.

92% of women say that reducing domestic violence and sexual assault should be at the top of any formal efforts taken on behalf of women today.

1 out of 3 women around the world has been beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused during her lifetime.

1 in 5 female high school students reports being physically and/or sexually abused by a dating partner. Abused girls are significantly more likely to get involved in other risky behaviors. They are 4 to 6 times more likely to get pregnant and 8 to 9 times more likely to have tried to commit suicide.

1 in 3 teens report knowing a friend or peer who has been hit, punched, slapped, choked or physically hurt by his/her partner.

As many as 324,000 women each year experience intimate partner violence during their pregnancy.

Violence against women costs companies $72.8 million annually due to lost productivity.

Ninety-four percent of the offenders in murder-suicides were male.

Seventy-four percent of all murder-suicides involved an intimate partner(spouse, common-law spouse, ex-spouse, or boyfriend/girlfriend). Of these, 96 percent were females killed by their intimate partners.

Most murder-suicides with three or more victims involved a “family annihilator” — a subcategory of intimate partner murder-suicide.Family annihilators are murderers who kill not only their wives/girlfriends and children, but often other family members as well,before killing themselves.

Seventy-five percent of murder-suicides occurred in the home.

Thankfully there are women out there who realize that they don’t have to become a perpetual victim. They realize their own value and potential. For those women out there who continue to allow the abuse happen to them, you can only offer them your support and hope they realize that’s not the life to live in.

If you know of anyone who is being abused, pass on this number to them or make the call yourself:

1-800-799-SAFE (7233) 1-800-787-3224 (TTY)

The National Domestic Violence Hotline answers more than 19,500 calls per month from victims, survivors, friends and family members, law enforcement personnel, domestic violence advocates and the general public. Hotline advocates provide support and assistance to anyone involved in a domestic violence situation, including those in same-sex relationships, male survivors, those with disabilities and immigrant victims of domestic violence. All calls to the National Domestic Violence Hotline are anonymous and confidential.


Clutchettes, Have You Or Someone You Know Been A Victim Domestic Violence? If so, what did you/they do to get help?

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  • I have not been in a situation like that and I don’t know anyone who have but the question I have if a person who was hit one time and left could they be considered to have been in a domestic violent relationship?

    • la mala

      why not? how does the amount of times a person is struck matter?

  • MimiLuvs

    I know a few individuals who are currently involved in relationships in which there are events of abuse.
    The relationships consists of:
    -Both individuals are guilty of beating up each other.
    -The woman is the victim.
    -The woman is the aggressor.
    I’ll be honest: With relationship #1,I hope that those two people will never procreate. I have already threatened the both of them that I would call ACS with every opportunity. With relationship #2, I am at my “breaking point” in which I am about to cut off my communication ties with her. With relationship #3, the victim is a male relative of mine. He has been with this woman for over thirty years. He claims that he can’t leave because of their children. But I know that this woman had stabbed him, caused a car accident while the children were in the car, beaten him with objects, etc.

  • apple

    yep. my cousin.. he beat her for what we think is the first time… but we aren’t sure… then 2 weeks later he killed her and himself and shot her baby.. but the baby child lived and doesn’t speak, the other kid was a baby but too little to remember.. we never knew what happened and may never know

    • justanotheropinion

      Apple – I’m so sorry for this tragedy that has hit your family. I truly hope the children will thrive. Sounds like the oldest needs some serious help.

  • Marketing Gimmicks


    This happened to me and I never thought it would.

    Dated a misogynistic narcissistic crazy jealous and possessive Jamaican guy for 10 months. Fucking nightmare.

    I mistook his arrogance for confidence.
    I mistook his aggressiveness as assertiveness.
    I was dead wrong.

    I thought his jealousy meant he cared.
    In actuality he just wanted to control and to manipulate me 24/7.

    Narcissism is a real mental illness and he was that dude. He was very arrogant, entitled, but deeply shallow, empty and seriously lacking in substance and accomplishment.

    I was fooled by DA BOMB sex….when in reality he could have killed me.

    We argued often but one day it escalated to physical violence and he tried to light my hair on fire. Yes. Craziness.

    Then I was doner than done.

    Restraining order and never went back.

    To this day he still tries to contact me….

    Ladies….love yourselves. I didn’t love me and that’s how I got so enmeshed with this dirt bag.

    You cannot love an abuser because he doesn’t love himself. In actuality he hates himself.

    Tens of thousands of women die at the hands of an abuser and most abusive men hate their mothers. Call the national domestic abuse line and save yourself.

    I hope this testimony saves a life.

    • Jen

      Narcissism is a real threat to your physical and mental well-being. I have been there and the first step is convincing the person they are crazy and isolating them from friends and family. It’s only a matter of time before the worst can happen. If something feels wrong question it and if the answers don’t make sense please believe it doesn’t make sense.

  • John

    Yes, I see it every day – the physical and emotional violence that mothers dish out on their children.

    • So where are the fathers of these children? Are they doing anything to get custody? Please don’t bring that “TJS” ish in here. (And you know who I’m referring to!)