As much as I am sure your “girlfriend whisperer” friend is near and dear to your heart, I completely disagree with ultimatums being tacky, and I question her judgment. I think meaningless ultimatums or ones that carry no weight are tacky, but when the ultimatum is the result of continued ignored responses to lingering issues, I’m all for them. Let’s look at your situation for example.
This is your boo, your honey, your main squeeze; the person you plan to spend the rest of your life with. You see her financial habits as something that are both damaging to her, and to having a successful and long-lasting relationship with you. I’d say that is a major issue, don’t you think?
We all know that sex and finances are the biggest contributors to divorce in the U.S.(outside of just not liking your spouse), so why enter into a situation knowing you’re already are losing? I would imagine that if she was at a place where she wanted to be with you forever, the things that are important to you would be important to her as well.
I’m sure she is the most amazing woman to fall into your arms, but that doesn’t make her exempt from meeting your needs. You mentioned that this wasn’t a deal breaker, and that’s a good thing…..at this point. Have you expressed to her how this is playing a factor in the future of your relationship with her? I mean, it’s possible that she doesn’t get it. Maybe she only thinks that her bad money management affects her, and has nothing to do with you. Well, the good news is that that is true. The bad news is that, it’s only true at the moment.
Without beating up on your love bunny, I’ll just say that it’s beneficial for her that she has someone such as yourself who is finically conscious. When we look for a mate to spend our lives with, it’s good to find balance. Having someone who is strong in areas that you’re weak and vice versa is a good thing. Tell your boo to get with the program. If she is truly the one for you, I hope that once you have this sit down with her, (because I know you’re going to have a for real sit down with her soon) and express how her money management is an issue for you, she will be open and accepting. If you two marry, her problems will become your problems and then you’ll have major problems. Honestly, it’s a small sacrifice to make for someone you love. Hope it works out,
Keita Wheats is a St. Louis native. She’s a contributor for singleblackmale.org, and runs her own blog site at www.keitawheats.com; writing about love and relationships is her passion and since she has no filter, trust she’ll always tell it like it is. Be sure to follow her on twitter @keitathejedi