Welcome to She Said! Clutch’s new weekly column with a she said-he said point of view- After reading scroll to the bottom to learn how you can participate!
“I ain’t sayin she a gold digger…but she ain’t messin with no broke n*gga.” We all remember Kanye West’s line in the 2005 hit “Gold Digger” featuring Jamie Foxx. I was 18 when that song came out, and well…I wasn’t very seasoned. Meaning I hadn’t really had my share of experiences with dating men. When I got to college, I was still with my high school sweetheart, and let’s just say, he was no Donald Trump. Hell, he wasn’t anywhere close. I was used to having to pay for things, pick him up, and learn to settle when it came to certain things. In my mind, being a gold digger was for soulless women with no morals, no ambition, and frankly, women who were too lazy to go out and get their own. And I was any of those things. I knew how to provide for myself. Though I came from a middle class background, I had worked since I was 14. I often held two jobs just so I wouldn’t have to constantly ask my parents for money. I knew the value of hard work. Fast forward 8 years. Several broke men. Several failed relationships. Thousands of dollars in student loan debt. And a car that needs fixing. Needless to say, I’ve changed my mind about “gold digging.”
Now, I ain’t saying I’m a gold digger, but…well, you know the rest. I think I am speaking for much of the female population, when I say we want a man who can provide. And for the percentage of the female population that has spent much of her dating life, dealing with men who live with their mamas, are “starting a business,” don’t have cars, don’t buy gifts, and don’t fix shit when it’s broken, I feel your pain girls.
Here’s the way I see it, some men have sooo many requirements for the women they are dating. So much demand and no supply. Nails, hair, body, make up, clothes, feet, hands must look a certain way. Must cook like Patti Labelle, sex like Jenna Jamison, have a squeaky clean past, and know when to shut up. Yet, they usually cannot meet their OWN standards, nor can they help you MEET the standards they have put in place for YOU.
Here’s the thing, I think it’s cool when people date for love. I don’t think financial status should be the reason you date or marry someone. However, I don’t think it’s wrong for women to date men based on their financial standing, either. Recently, two women I know told me about a site where you can sign up to meet a Sugar Daddy. Yes, that’s right, a Sugar Daddy. A man who is willing to give you money just for hanging out with him. Now, I wasn’t born yesterday. I know that sometimes these men are looking for a little more than companionship. But that’s to be expected. The question I’m posing is, “Is there anything WRONG with that?” Is there anything wrong with two consenting adults establishing a mutually beneficial arrangement based on MONEY? I mean, women all around the world have sex with men who can’t do a damn thing for them. Does that make them good people? And does it mean that a woman who chooses to date men based on how deep his pockets are is a bad person? Or is she just a smart girl living in a world with too many bills, too little employment opportunities, and too little options?
Carmen Jones is a Petersburg, VA native and a Howard University graduate. Carmen, along with two high school friends, created almost30something.com which features articles about dating, love, sex, food and celeb gossip.
*She Said/He Said is a weekly column on Clutch that will feature two sides to every story. If you’re a guy and you’d like to offer your opinion to this story email email@example.com with a response (between 400-500 words), photo and short bio. Every week, both sides of the story will be featured. If you have an opinion on a topic that you’d like to share and want to learn what the opposite sex thinks about it, follow the same instructions above!