Drunk in Love



Sometimes that “Drunk in Love” feeling is one-sided and leads to illegal activities. Ever seen Fatal Attraction? It gets real out here.  The Date Report put together a list of real-life events where folks took that whole love jones thing a tad too far. Here are a few highlights:

The Guy Who Tried To Defecate In His Girlfriend’s Car But It Wasn’t Actually Her Car. To get back at his ex-girlfriend, a recently dumped Austin man planned to break into her car and empty his bowels there. Which he did. Except that the Honda Civic wasn’t her Honda Civic. It was a random Honda Civic (why are there so many Honda Civics in this town?). This is a man who is, or at least was, unhinged. This is a man who is, or at least was, unfamiliar with the concept of license plates.

The Woman Who Decapitated Her Girlfriend’s Dildos. Late last year, a Florida Woman was very angry at her former girlfriend, and so she did what any reasonable person would do: she talked it out. Just kidding — she decapitated her girlfriend’s three dildos. Or maybe she didn’t. Maybe the toys were chopped by someone else. Maybe they were just, you know, manufactured that way. We’ll never know, because the case was closed do to “lack of further investigative leads.”

The Dude Who Got His Friend To Shoot Him To Impress His Ex-Girlfriend. A Wisconsin man wanted to get his girlfriend back, so in 2011, he got his friend to shoot him in the back. You know, the ladies love that. His hope was that his beloved would then visit him in the hospital, feel passionately sympathetic, and fall back in love with him, because who wouldn’t go for that? His girlfriend. That’s who wouldn’t go for that. Also, the police, who arrested both him and the friend that shot him.

Oh, gee. Well, that didn’t work out. I’ve never done anything that crazy for the sake of love lust or any of those other related feelings.  I have had guys doing the most at times. One dude showed up at my crib, banging on the door at one o’ clock in the morning to proclaim his “love.” Fortunately for him, my daddy was not home at the time. As a grown-up, another cat threatened to firebomb my crib because I ended things with him.  I didn’t call the police because I knew he was all talk and hurt feelings. He wasn’t about to firebomb a damn thing.  But, duly noted, my dude. Duly noted. (Also captured a confession of that phone outburst on text, so I was super good.) As a general rule though, I do suggest contacting the appropriate authorities if anyone hands you a credible threat.

Truth time! Have you ever done something crazy in the name of love? Ever had someone do something to you for the same reason?

Follow Demetria Irwin on Twitter at @Love_Is_Dope and connect with her on Facebook.

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