#trending

dad-does-daughters-hair-400x470It’s not hard to understand why this picture went viral: 39-year-old Doyin Richards and his kids are pretty damn cute. As Doyin explained on his blog, Daddy Doin Work, his wife usually does his two-year-old daughter’s hair in the mornings but one day she was running late. He was on paternity leave in October, when the picture was taken, and offered to style the girl’s hair. His wife scoffed. So he set up a camera to capture himself with their six-month-old strapped in a pouch and the little girl getting her hair did by Daddy. Once it got picked up by The Good Men Project, it quickly went viral. But a picture like this, while adorable, shouldn’t be extraordinary. It should just be parenting. Doyin Richards is conscious of this himself. In his post about this photo, “I have a dream that people will view a picture like this and not think it’s a big deal.” But it isa big deal judging by people’s reactions — both positive and negative. Yahoo Shine interviewed Doyin about the photo and he made clear that he totally gets it.  ”The picture stirs emotion for a few reasons,” he said. “The media doesn’t portray fathers as caregivers. We’re seen as bumbling fools trying to figure out parenthood, or macho men pushing their kids into the NFL. The other issue is that there’s a stereotype that black fathers are deadbeats.” Yes, some of the hate mail Doyin received was completely fucking racist.

Here’s a sampling of some of the private messages and comments I received from them after I posted this picture: – “He probably rented those kids. They don’t even look like him.” – “I would bet anything that you’re a deadbeat.” – “OK buddy, cute picture. Now why don’t you hand the children back to their mom so you can go back to selling drugs or your bootleg rap CDs?” – “So do you do this for all of your illegitimate kids?” You get the idea.

Interestingly, Doyin wrote, occasionally when another man writes a mean comment to him on Facebook or Twitter, he will hear from that person’s wife or girlfriend.

Oftentimes when a dude posts a public hateful comment on my FB page or Twitter feed, it’s followed up by his wife or girlfriend emailing me privately to apologize for his behavior. These women will tell me that their men are angry that I’m making them “look bad” because they aren’t holding up their end of the bargain when it comes to parenting. Here’s the thing: I don’t make anyone look bad. These guys are doing a fine job on their own according to the women in their lives.

Ain’t that the truth. He also writes that his wife — and all moms — deserve the same accolades that he’s been getting:

But what if I posted a picture of [my wife] doing what I did in that picture? Many would probably think it’s cute, but after ten seconds of looking at it, they would probably move on to the next shiny object on their newsfeed. Why? Because it just wouldn’t be a big deal to many people if a woman did it. Until we can get to the point where men and women can complete the same parenting tasks and the reactions are the same, we will have problems. If you want to create a statue for me for taking care of my daughters, create one for the moms who are doing the same damn thing everyday for their kids without receiving a “Thank you” or an “Ooooh” or “Ahhhh.”

Doyin Richards makes clear that he doesn’t want anyone “planning parade routes” for him simply for being an involved, 50/50 parent. That’s so, so true … but it’s hard not to be just a little bit in love with this guy.

[Yahoo Shine]
[Daddy Doin Work]

 

The Frisky

This post originally appeared on The Frisky. Republished with permission.

Tags: ,
Like Us On Facebook Follow Us On Twitter
  • Me

    it’s funny how stupid racists sound:
    “He probably rented those kids. They don’t even look like him.” – “I would bet anything that you’re a deadbeat.” – “OK buddy, cute picture. Now why don’t you hand the children back to their mom so you can go back to selling drugs or your bootleg rap CDs?” – “So do you do this for all of your illegitimate kids?”
    >>>what deadbeat dad is gonna spend time putting up a front with rented kids? or drug dealer wasting time blogging and shit? that’s just stupid.

    i still don’t get some of the women that comment on this site either. sometimes it’s all out war against black men & the women sound like they ready to jump in the first white lap that looks they way b/c they feel like bm don’t care about bw & don’t deserve to be cared about. then other times like this they care SO MUCH about what one black man is doing with other women and the kids they have together. if we don’t want ’em, don’t like ’em, don’t wanna fight beside ’em, why does it bother anybody to see them being a dad with the other women that do.

    oh and p.s. lots of bm do their black daughters hair (the ones they made with black women). i been seeing it happen since i was a kid and met my 1st single black dad household. to be honest, i don’t even know any black men married to white women, so this pic would never really relate to my world, but man some people get so jaded over people that ain’t even in their lives.

  • franklin

    “sometimes it’s all out war against black men…”
    its been like this ever since a blk man carried the Cross for Christ.

  • Having been married to a deadbeat dad, who by the way was WHITE! I take offense at many of these posts here… Negative people leave negative comments… I LOVED the photo! I wished I had been married to a caring man such as this… one who didn’t feel that everything inside of the home was for women only…opinions are like buttholes… everybody has one and they usually stink!

  • Kelly

    Well I grew up with a wonderful father and my parents were married for decades and I still agree with a lot of these views.

  • Chike

    You find out how myopic people want to be, when you start doing things that negate their stereotypes; then you see how much nobody likes improvement or change.