#trending

No trophy-I'd rather be treated as a QUEEN.“Hmph. She think she cute.” Yeah, and? I find that sentiment to be mind-boggling. It’s a phrase (uttered in various ways) which indicates that someone takes umbrage with the fact that some other human being finds herself attractive.

This obnoxious phrase, bloated with low-esteem, came to mind when I read the comments on xoJane writer Jihan Forbes’ piece titled “That TimeI Found Out I Was Some Guy’s Trophy Date.”  In her essay, Forbes told a long story about a guy she met who seemed to only want to use her as arm candy and she included a couple of pictures of herself to accompany the piece.  One of the pictures towards the end of her essay featured Forbes wearing a crown.  The caption read “No trophy—I’d rather be treated as a QUEEN.”

Given the details she shared, some commenters had logical alternate explanations as to why the guy in question might not have been using her as a “trophy date” per se.  Fair enough. However, several commenters made a point to say that they didn’t believe she was a trophy date because she wasn’t attractive enough to be one. Woah.

That, my friends, is another way of saying “She think she cute.”  Why do some of us have an issue with other people who think highly of themselves? Another person’s high self-esteem does not bother me in the least. Now, if that high self-esteem ventures into conceited asshole territory and the person treats others poorly, that’s another story.  But just because you think someone else thinks of herself as attractive, you have a problem with that?

This is especially important for women. Sometimes we tear each other down for awful reasons. Like everyone else, I’m not immune to an occasional lapse into mean girl territory, especially when I’m with girlfriends and we’re on some epic boozy people-watching adventure. However, I keep my snide remarks all in fun and to a select few. I’m not an internet thug (Damn those tough typers!) and I don’t run up on people giving them my unasked for opinion.  I also try to stay conscious of what I’m nit-picking about with other people and what that might really say about things going on in my own life.

Even with the occasional mean girl side commentary, I never find it offensive or funny or annoying to see a woman who owns her shit. I LOVE to see women walk into a room and own it. It’s a magical thing.  Women like that are magnetic.  It’s especially awesome when I see a black woman illuminating a whole space like that. We have to wade through so many destructive messages about our beauty (or lack their of) that I’m in awe every time I see a black woman who has her figurative crown firmly in place.  Yes, sis!

So to Forbes and all the other women all there…rock your crown and mean it.

Follow Demetria Irwin on Twitter at @Love_Is_Dope and connect with her on Facebook.

Tags: , ,
Like Us On Facebook Follow Us On Twitter
  • I applaud your taking a stance against those rude and insensitive comments. I read the story completely disregarding her looks because it didn’t matter. I was amazed by the way people reacted. You are as beautiful as you feel.

    Where would we be if you were only allowed to think of ourselves the way others do? There would be the most beautiful people in the world thinking they are unattractive due to weight, skin color, eye color, body shape, etc. not matching others’ standards.