Have you ever heard of Thought Catalog?  The Thought Catalog is a collection of “thoughts” written by whomever has access to the internet at the moment. Granted there are a few pieces that can pull you in, and actually have “thoughts”. But then about 99.3% of the site seems to be written by college douche-bros and overly privileged assholes.  And that’s putting it mildly.

Then there’s the attempts at satire.

At the wrong damn times.

For example, let’s discuss “Why Isn’t There A White Girl History Month?” written by Nicole Mullen. Mullen describes herself as “just a fun mom and a teacher at a retarded school. I like recipes and my kids”. But according to the comment section, Nicole is actually Nick Mullen, or something like that.

Here’s a snippet from her piece:

You just can’t even with winter anymore, you’re never quite sure how many days it has or how its spelled, Valentine’s Day is always fucked up by some douchebag guy, and on top of all that, Black people get their own month.

Now, look, I know that sounds racist, but I’m not racist. I’m not mad that Black people have their own month because I don’t think they deserve it – I’m mad because when I hear “Black history month,” I’m just reminded that it’s 2014 and I still don’t have my own month. I love Black people. I love rap and the power it has to shift cultures – for example, the legalization of gay marriage after Macklemore’s Grammy-winning ode to equality, Same Love. Thank you, Black people, that shit is really fucking cool, and you did it! Good for you. But, can we cool it with this month shit? As soon as February rolls around you sound like this dumb skank Kayla I work with that has to remind everyone that her birthday is in three weeks.


I’m glad you have your own month, and I fully support you, but Black people are doing a whole lot better, and they still get a month. Sure, Black people had it hard for a long time, but we have a Black president now. I’m not saying racism is dead, but it’s certainly not doing too well anymore. We’ve beaten it, set it on fire, and dragged it behind our trucks. Racism isn’t dead, but it’s only being artificially preserved with life support systems in Texas, just waiting to be unplugged, being kept alive so the little retarded racism fetus growing inside of it might have a chance to be the racism messiah that backwards assholes are so desperately waiting for.


Mullen then proposes White Girl History Month:

White girls have done so much for culture and society, and continue to do so, but I think the most important aspect of white girls is that we are ultimately the arbiters of assimilation. White girls are often accused of “appropriating” aspects of minority cultures and for some reason this is seen as a bad thing. There’s a big difference between cultural appropriation and theft. When a white girl goes to yoga, she’s not “stealing” yoga from Indian people, she’s just doing fucking yoga. It’s not like Indian people have to stop doing yoga because white girls are doing it now.

Ok, I get it.

Racism as satire.  As if it hasn’t been done before.

Mullen apparently purports herself as a satirist, I mean who else could get away with writing something like, “In fact there’s only one reason why crack and heroin are deemed completely unacceptable – crack is for black people and heroin has a feminine name“, besides a satirist, or a racist posing as a horrible satirist.

Here’s the thing about satire,  good satire forces you to realize the flaws of your “thoughts” and thinking by using extremes to show just how ridiculous they are, but using ideologies that are already familiar, and commonplace, such as the examples she listed that people actually say OUT LOUD in REAL LIFE, doesn’t work.

Whatever you want to call it, it’s a huge fail. Because chances are, there are people with these same damn thoughts every year when Black History rolls around, and they’re not being satirical.


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