Couple in Formal WearI’ve been meaning to pose this question ever since I read CeCe Olisa’s honest article, “No, My Boyfriend Isn’t “Settling” For A Plus-Size Girl.” In it, Olisa, who has chronicled the ups and downs of dating as a plus-size girl on her blog, had a few words for those who think her boyfriend is only with her because a prettier, better, ehem, thinner, woman has yet to come along.

Olisa’s writes:

So, my boyfriend is skinny and I’m definitely not. But, one of the hardest things about being in a “mixed weight” relationship is other people and their opinions (and projections). While I don’t often hear comments about my weight when I’m alone, I do get a very strong message about my weight in the context of my dating life. The message comes in many forms, but it’s always the same: “You do not deserve to be with him.”

Sometimes, the message is delivered via a flirty waitress at a restaurant who smiles at him while scribbling my order — it’s straight out of a movie. Other times, the message comes from a smiling face that says, “You’re a VERY lucky girl…” Is that a backhanded compliment?

Before I met him, people warned me — both implicitly and outright — that because I opted to only date the men I found attractive (novel idea, right?), that I was a “superficial fat chick.” They said if a guy was attracted to me, I should be grateful! But, I didn’t listen. I kept my standards high started dating a Dwyane Wade look-a-like.

Olisa is not the downtrodden, forlorn “fat girl” we usually see depicted in the media. Like so many other women, she’s living her life the way she sees fit, critics be dammed.

It seems that Olisa’s article was a bit ahead of the curve. The “dating while fat” debate kicked into overdrive this week after comedian Louis C.K. took on the issue during his popular FX show, Louie.

During the show, Vanessa—Louie’s chubby, cute date—delivered a “fat girl” soliloquy  about how difficult it is to date as a plus-size woman.

Vanessa laments (via SBM):

Louie, you know what the meanest thing is you can say to a fat girl? “You’re not fat.” I mean, come on, buddy. It just sucks. It really really sucks. You have no idea. And the worst part is, I’m not even supposed to do this. Tell anyone how bad it sucks, because it’s too much for people. I mean, you, you can talk into the microphone and say you can’t get a date, you’re overweight. It’s adorable. But if I say it, they call the suicide hotline on me.

I mean, can I just say it? I’m fat. It sucks to be a fat girl. Can people just let me say it? It sucks. It really sucks. And I’m going to go ahead and say it. It’s your fault.

Look, I really like you, you’re truly a good guy, I think. I’m so sorry. I’m picking you. On behalf of all the fat girls, I’m making you represent all the guys. Why do you hate us so much? What is is about the basics of human happiness, feeling attractive, feeling loved, having guys chase after us, that’s just not in the cards for us? Nope. Not for us.

How is that fair? And why am I supposed to just accept it?”

Many took offense at Vanessa’s self-deprecating monologue. Slate writer Willa Paskin argued, “Louie has no idea what it’s like to be a ‘fat girl,’” and Olisa had a slightly different take, recounting a time an insecure guy broke up with her in high school because she was overweight. The self-described Plus-Size Princess concluded, “I can play the insecurity blame game, or I can keep it simple and know that when I’m confident in who I am I attract men who are confident in who they are… and that’s hot.”

While I love, love, love Olisa’s attitude and confidence, we rarely see women like her on TV.

When it comes to dating, Clutchettes, has your weight affected your prospects?

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  • paintgurl40

    When I was single and plus sized, I had a number of men but not many of any quality. Once I realized that I deserved a good man and got my priorities straight, I met a handsome decent man who is now my husband. Just because a woman is plus sized doesn’t mean she should just settle for any old thing. It’s the same battle a skinny woman has to deal with, finding a prince amongst the toads.

    • copelli21

      Amen to that.

  • Naffy70

    I know women larger than I am who have no problem getting men because they have shapely curves (meaning: a defined waist in proportion to her hips/boobs). Me, I’m not that big, but my belly sticks out and I have zero hips, so I gets no action lol. That’s just how it is. Its more about the shape with most men than it is about a number on a scale.

  • copelli21

    My take on this episode of Louie was totally different.

    I don’t think the Vanessa character was self-deprecating or downtrodden at all.

    It was one of the few honest conversations, I’ve ever seen ANY fat, female character, have with a man. It was straight up and she was bold enough to make it happen.

    I think she was pissed, frustrated
    and wanted some answers. And instead of allowing Louie to just brush her fat under the rug and get away with that BS, “you’re not fat” line, she put him (and all men) in the hot seat. She got brutally honest and I have never seen a man look more uncomfortable.

    This wasn’t a fat woman sitting on the sidelines and weeping woe-is-me. She pursued Louie. She asked him out and even when he tried to brush her off, she kept at it. And not only does she get him out on a “date” she then puts the screws on him. Quite frankly, I found her attempt at getting some answers refreshing.

    At the very least, I give Louis CK credit, for at least attempting to have this conversation in the light of day, instead of just throwing the fat girl under the bus like most shows.