letmeask_FINAL (2)pink

Over the weekend a friend and I were discussing our dating lives when she told me she’d recently met a man she thought could be a potential boo. While we sat across the table sipping our cocktails, she gushed on and on about how cute he was, the fact that he was ambitious, his belief in God, and the fact that he talked openly about wanting to be married one day. I was starting to get excited for her until she asked a very important question.

“Brit, he just got out of a relationship, though. Do you think it’s too soon for us to hook up?”

“How long was his relationship?” I asked, hoping it wasn’t anything substantial that could come back to haunt my girl.

“Years…like three years…”

All I could muster was a “hmmm…” Should I tell my friend it might be too soon to get involved with a man who just got out of a serious relationship or was I just being overly cautious?

Clutchettes and Gents, help me out here. How soon is too soon to date someone who was previously in a long-term relationship?

Let’s talk about it! 

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  • ALM247

    Another great illustration, Clutch!

    I think she needs to be very honest and up front with him. I wouldn’t rule him out, but she needs to ask probing questions to see if she is a rebound date. She also needs to pay close attention to things he says. Does he bring up his ex often? If you wear a certain dress, does he say his ex used to dress like that, etc.?

    Also, if she is thinking about a long term relationship and he just wants a short term fling, your friend needs to get that info on the table up front to avoid getting hurt. Yes, he mentioned marriage, but that doesn’t mean he definitely wants to get married anytime soon.

    It seems as if the only way to tell if it is too soon is if your friend finds out the real reason they broke up. Not the “he said, she said stuff”, but the truth. The same reason the other woman ran for the hills may also cause your friend to run for the hills. Or, maybe he’s a good guy and she wasn’t the right woman.

  • shybookworm

    Hmmmm….well, I know plenty of men and women who have stayed in relationships that have been over for a long time, but for some reason, one or both parties decided to keep it going. So, while it may be shocking to some of us that a man or woman wants to date very quickly after the breakup of a LTR, to them, it’s been a long wait because the love was lost a while ago.

    Personally, I take a few things into consideration when dating a man who’s been involved for a while and is back on the market. I try to suss out how many other women he’s dating and/or sleeping with, is he still pining over his ex, is he looking to settle down again or play the field, etc. Most guys are transparent enough that you can figure out if they’re worth a gamble or not. To be honest, being celibate before marriage weeds out alot of players so I don’t deal with this problem as much. My dance card is pretty empty these days lol.

  • yoshi3329

    I’m loving the illustrations. I hope this will be a regular thing for Clutch discussions/girl talk.

  • I think it depends. If they’re casually dating it’s not a problem, but if she wants something serious I would give it a minimum of 3 months from his last relationship to a new one. If you’re serious, you don’t want to be the rebound. Take it slow and figure it out would be my advice.

  • Emma Russell

    I saw Nadezhda Vyacheslav testimony on how she got that guy to love her as she did him.Though i don’t know her, i believed her cos she said Mutton Osun a spell caster help her seen it happen. I didn’t believe her cos she used a spell i believed her cos she made mention of a mutual spell caster i know of that is mutton Osun. I have also see a lot of testimony about his work on the the internet on blog pages and so on. I literally took a lip of faith to contact him and it turn out that it paid off. In my own case i didn’t ask that him to make anyone fall in love with me or ask that my cheating wife comes back. This time i was at fault i messed up.Will really like to say it was an honest mistake or a few hours or days of weakness but then i will be insulting my wife and the love i feel for her. I was in full control of what i was doing i had the choice not to cheat but i still did. She didn’t find out by herself i told hoping if i told her how sorry i am and how much i still love and want to be with her despite my betray she will forgive completely. It was the biggest mistake of my life maybe i should not have told her, i guess she would have still found out if she didn’t catch me then i bet the other lady would have told her what was going on to destroy what me and my wife had. It was obvious my betray really hurt her i could she it in her eye and i was really sorry. That is why i wasn’t so surprise when she asked that we go our separate ways. There and then i realized that i was following the part that ruined my life and my family. I literally lead four month of my life in misery. I have never felt like i needed her like i had felt begging was not an option nothing was an option cos she was gone. It was right about that time Mutton Osun came into the picture or when i asked that he help me get my wife to love as she did before. I was able to provide the items he asked that i get for the spell and send then down to him. Like Nadezhda Vyacheslav said “the spell does become effective at once that ” she was right also cos just after i did what Mutton Osun asked me to do with what he sent me, it took 7 days before anything happened i even thought for a minute that i had met a fake spell caster but in the end i am happy with my wife again. We going to be renewing our vows on the 20th of September. I was on the edge of become a walking dead a woman with nothing to live for thank my star Mutton Osun helped. I will also leave his contact for those who thing he can help them { [email protected] }