Dating is traumatizing and I think I’m ready to throw in the towel.

Two nights ago, I had an anxiety attack.  I was sitting on my couch waiting for my date to arrive. I glanced at my watch, and it showed me he was 5 minutes late.  Not a big deal, right? What’s a measly 5 minutes?  I decided to occupy myself with channel hopping. HBO, Showtime, Sundance, MTV, VH1. I flicked the channels for what felt like forever, but when I glanced down at my watch, a minute hadn’t passed.

Normally, I consider myself a fairly even keeled person. But last night, as I sat and watched my watch and wait for my date, my heart started racing.

20 minutes later.

No ringing doorbell.

I looked at my cell phone. Not one text message.

And that’s when I started to tear up. But not before my mind started coming up with different scenarios. Maybe he was in an accident? Maybe he got lost? Maybe he got tied up at work.

So I texted.

No reply.

Dating is f*cking hard.

You put the Teflon shield over your heart, and go out to face whatever the dating world throws at you.  From the grenades, that include married men, men that still live with their ‘ex’, men with 5 different baby mommas, and lets not forget diseases.  After being in the dating world for over 15 years, either you develop a thick skin, or you develop what I like to refer to as “Post Traumatic Dating Syndrome”.  Although it’s similar to PTSD,  in how it causes anxiety, the injury that it can inflict on your heart or self-esteem is the traumatizing part.

If it wasn’t for the fact that I didn’t want to eventually find a man to marry, I’d give up on dating all together.  I sometimes wonder if the extra stress is even worth it, or if men happen to go through the same thing?

And then the advice people give you. If I could count how many times my grandmother said to “pray on it”, I’d be rich. Or at least a thousandnaire.  Or how about the “Well maybe you need to make yourself available” advice. Now what exactly is that supposed to mean?  How does one make themselves available. Do I walk around with a sign like a taxi with a light on that says “available”? Or should I just put it on a t-shirt?

The front will say, “Available” and as the person walks away and turns around, the back of the shirt will have my phone number “867-5309”.

In any event, I”m available. I’ve prayed on it. I was stood up last night.

This morning I finally received a reply to my text message, “Sorry, something came up”.

*Deletes phone number from my cell phone.*


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