Many of us are still trying to pinpoint the true purpose of being in a relationship what with all of the power struggle drama, overall sacrifice and no real guarantee the other person won’t wake up one morning and be like, ‘kthanksbye.’ During a recent appearance on “It’s Not You, It’s Men” with Tyrese and Rev Run, Iyanla Vanzant discussed not only her past relationships, but the reason behind them and she wouldn’t get married again.
Here’s the thing, relationships are not where we go to have fun. Relationships are where we go to heal and where we go to learn. And who you’re going to attract is the person that’s going to bring to the forefront the thing you need to learn or heal or the thing that’s going to help you grow the most,” she explained.
“Anytime you go into a relationship to stop being by yourself, the relationship is doomed, she continued a little later on in the segment. The question remains though: is that not why anybody gets into a relationship? Why join forces with another person if being with them isn’t just a little more appealing than being by yourself?
So why wouldn’t Iyanla get married again?
I would be a great wife. You know what? I would not be a great wife based on the definitions and the standards of today. I’m a great partner because I see my partner as my equal. One of things that happens in our relationships is we either pick up somebody who needs our help or pick up somebody that can help us. Love and pure relationship and commitment can only exist among equals. Cause if I see you as less than, I can’t commit. If I see you as more than I can’t commit. So today, I’m looking for an equal. And I don’t want to be a wife. I want to be a partner. Because wives have to do stuff that I’m not doing.
Do you believe there is always a dominant party in a relationship? Do equal partnerships really exist?