Eye Of The Beholder

Hey Clutchettes, shhhhhhhhh, come in close, ladies, I’ve got something I wanna tell you. I (looking around to see if anyone is eavesdropping) have discovered the meaning of life, and it is………wait for it, wait for it.………………….THE. SMOKY. EYE.

Now, listen to a playa before you go dismissing ya’ girl as bull-ish . Not one, not two but THREE (count ’em), THREE men compared me to ISIS this week. Yes, Isis. As in THE GODDESS, y‘all. As in her royal, Ancient Egyptian bad-ass-ish-NESS! That ISIS. Now, after I was completely done feeding my ego tasty snacks of scantily-clad Egyptian boy-toys fanning me with ostrich feathers Nile-side, I started to wonder what begat all the curious, albeit welcome (hey-aaaaay) comparisons to her celestial loveliness. I was stumped. Same ol’ A.C. who walks around everyday. Hadn’t lost any weight. I was drinking the same ol’ water, wearing the same ol’ perfume, rockin’ the same ol’ same ol’ ensembles. Wasn’t like I’d taken to wearing vulture-wing capes or anythang. So what wUz it? What was eliciting the yummy goddess comparisons?? Because, a sista sho‘ nuff wanted some’more. And then, EUREKA, it hit me like a flash of celestial lightning. The one thing my “look” had in common, on each of the days I received this amazing compliment of my uncanny resemblence (okay, emphasis mine, jeez!) was the fact I was rocking the SMOKY EYE.

That’s it?? It was THAT simple. Are you freakin’ kidding me? You mean to tell me that all this time, the secret to bow-at-my-feet-little-boys beauty could be found in a 0.05 oz jar of Urban Decay “Oil Slick“? Stop the madness! Of course, I ran to the store immediately and stocked up on cosmetic reinforcements to make the dream last. Unfortunately, howevAH, ya girl is on a budget (they just cut my hours at the day gig again…SCREAM), so I iX-nayed the usual trip to Sephora (tear) and headed to the Walmart. Which, BTW, I feel all kinds of guilty about shopping in after my sister gave me a lecture on how the retail giant is killing small business in this country, but that is a whole n’other article and shit. Now, where were we? Oh yes, at the Walmart. So, I stocked up on eyeshadows in various brands and pigments, threw a couple-few mascaras in my basket (couldn’t decide whether I wanted to lengthen, plumpen or separate-and-define my lashes), a new eyeliner brush and one of those eyelash curler thingamajigs. Then, I went home and broke out Ol‘ Faithful (i.e. my treasured copies of Kevin Aucoin’s makeup bibles, Face Forward and Making Faces), and commenced to painting. I tried different variations and techniques, but for my money, this smoky-eye recipe is the ticket, right here:

Recipe:

So, aside from technique, the true “secret” to rockin’ the Goddess-Eye proper, is absolute and utter nonchalance. The men and/or admiring ladies (shout out to my Sapphic readers, y’all, mama does NOT discriminate), when they compare you to Cleopatra, feign surprise. When they liken you to Nephrotite, you must say, “Oooh, whatever do you mean?” like you was more clueless about your stunning beauty than Scarlet O’Hara at a ball. Total obliviousness to your goddessnessNESS is key to the illusion here, girlies! And, know this….if even ONE of you goes blabbing and letting the cat out of the bag about what we’re up to, after I have generously opened my magic makeup box to you, the rest of us are gonna come hunt you down and pull your girl-club, membership card. Remember the code, ladies. Now go, fly, gorgeous ones ones. See you at the Sephora (when I get my check)!

How-To:

Step One: Apply a shimmery base shadow all over the eye. Then, using a rounded eye shadow brush sweep a warm gray tone from the edge of the crease to the inner eye. Pop Cosmetics carries an Eye Shadow Kit called Smokey Eyes. You get 12 great shades, including shimmery nudes, grays and blacks, to help create your look (sephora.com, $32).

Step Two: Coat lashes with black mascara like Kimora Lee Simmons Mascara (sephora.com, $6) and apply a fake lash strip of medium length lashes. Try Ardell lashes in #120 Demi (drugstore.com, $3.49).

Step Three: Line eyes with a black eye shadow (use the black in the above kit) with a thin angled eye shadow brush from the inner corner to the outer corner of the lid. Then line the bottom of the eye with the same black shadow.

Step Four: Use a Q-tip to soften both lines of shadow by slightly smudging them.