What is it about gossip that draws us in? Better yet, how many of us are actually impervious to the allure of scandal? Are famous folks really that interesting? Perhaps voyeurism really is intrinsic to our nature. Are our lives so empty that we can’t help but to consume the idle, and often baseless chatter about the private affairs of others? Is this matter even cause for concern? Inquiring minds want to know!

As a gossip consumer, I’m often perplexed about this guilty pleasure of mine. To be quite frank, I could really give a sh*t which high profile couple just called it quits, or who’s sexing-up whom. Bizarre outfits on the red carpet are pretty yawn-worthy to me too. Most of the time, it’s not the gossip itself I find titillating, but the manner in which it’s assembled that keeps me coming back for more. Yes, I am one of many individuals who enjoy humorous, biting sarcasm, creatively shrewd (and even callous) observations that contemporary gossip has become synonymous with.

Cause ‘n’ Effect

‘Gossipologists’ have examined hearsay from just about every angle known to (wo)man. Some experts assert that there are even positive benefits to gossip. In the words of renowned shrink James Lynch, “Human dialogue can be a great healer, or a great destroyer.” For the sake of this discourse, let’s look at gossip as it pertains to the dark side of the force, shall we?

“If you build it, they will come.” Field of Dreams, 1989

There was once a man, a true media visionary, who launched a news blog some years ago. Day by day, this enterprising individual would take note of the news blog’s traffic spikes that resulted from the occasional posting of salacious material. His audience was quite literally soaking that ish up. As his traffic soared, revenue surely followed. Eventually, something unusual occurred. Its original 95% to 5% news/gossip ratio format became completely transposed with hard news taking a serious back seat to straight up scandal. To this day this blog continues to exist – and thrive – simply by responding the desires of its followers.

So, what’s up with that? Seriously. We live in a fast paced society that may even put an end to destroy the print media industry. Why read a paper that was printed the night before, when you could go online first thing in the morning to peep endless real-time updates on the topic of your choice? Technology is a beautiful thing, and although I’d much rather be working on my beloved Mac OS than the IMB Word Processor I used in high school, I must admit it comes at quite a cost.

We, in America especially, have been born and bred within a sound bite social order – and what’s the ultimate manifestation of this new order, you may ask? Quick, flashy, buzzwords, transience, and color-filled hype. Real life, oversimplified. Jeffrey Scheuer, author of The Sound Bite Society: Television And The American Mind, shares his two cents on the matter:

“… the media climate resembles a dust storm on a barren plain: the bottom line of audience share. The impatience of the camera and the microphone, their need to gobble up one image or phrase and move on to the next. No depth or context; no background; no past, no future; no sometimes, no maybe, no why.”

These findings don’t just apply to the screen either. These days, the sound bite phenomenon, in the form of sensationalism, is the lifeblood of online media. Mainstream news/entertainment sites act as ground zero in the battle of chatter vs. substance. Much like the TV industry, advertising is the name of the game. Advertisers want pageviews, and one sure-fire way to get mad pageviews, is to provide mad scandal. Therein lies the struggle. Unless popular culture media outlets are willing to make a commitment to ‘tabloid-isms’, they may as well go and buy a plot at the ole virtual graveyard. So, what’s the modus operandi within a society with such a deep-seated fear of death as ours? We, take the ordinary, and make it obnoxious & transform the understated and into the outrageous – all for the sake of survival.

It’s Pervasive.

Judge sitcoms, reality, talk shows, even the news, the salacious program format can be found everywhere. It’s not just about famous folks having their business in the street either. It’s about the general spotlight on the (mostly trifling) private affairs of others. A mere 30 seconds of the Maury Povich show illustrates that fact. Even ‘reputable’ news sources fill up airtime by hiring on pundits to gossip endlessly hot button “issues of concern.” It’s all a numbers game at the end of the day.

“Things in motion sooner catch the eye Than what stirs not.” Shakespeare, Troilus and Cressida.

Education is the first casualty in the sound bite era. It’s almost as if we crave flash rather than facts in addition to facts in a flash. A self-proclaimed gossipmonger, how sad is it that tawdry, catchy headlines draw me in with such ease, while conversely, at times I feel forced when uncovering (then reading) material of real significance? A classic struggle between chatter and substance indeed, it’s much like anything life that’s good for you – it never seems to taste quite as sweet…

Who gets the proverbial finger pointed in the blame game? The media is a powerful entity, but it exists because WE do. In other words, nothing is real without the consent of the public. Gossip is lucrative precisely because we make it so. It’s a collaborative effort where head media execs focus on the bottom line, which is generated by what we consume (which just so happens to resemble straight up trivialities at this point). Trust, if ‘the machine’ gathered that the public demanded more in depth, thought provoking content, it would be churned out in a New York nano-second.

Hearsay is Essentially Human….

Part of the allure is born out of our basic human need for connection. According to psychologist, Dr. Offra Gerstein, “The benefits of gossip [suggests] that exchanging information between people is beneficial for creating a healthy connection, building social norms for acceptable and unacceptable behavior, and improving society.” She also reveals that studies show that gossip is an effective tool of social control.”

This may be true, but there is a fine line between grapevine babble and lively conversation -  enter, malice. Countless studies have shown that the allure of ‘negative’ gossip is a result of an ill use of idle time, the denial or projection of one’s problems, and/or an attempt to get a high from the notion of superiority (getting drunk on that Haterade!). Problem is, like most bad habits, that ish is highly addictive.

Clutchettes & Chaps, stay tuned for the conclusion of this here gossip exploratory, which will appear in next week’s issue of Clutch Magazine. Hasta pronto…..

I truly believe that the average person is unaware of the amount of money one can make on a reality show. The Real Housewives Of Atlanta for instance earn $30,000 per episode. Per episode! Not per month, not every few weeks. Jon and Kate Gosselin made a reported $75,000 per episode. No, these are not Disney dollars folks. The already very wealthy Donald Trump went from making $50,000 to $100,000 an episode. The stars of the show The Hills were making up to $125,000 and episode. Basically, the more popular the show, the higher the salary. How is this possible? Especially in this economy. These people are doing … nothing. There are doctors and caregivers whose bank accounts will never see that amount in their lifetime.

What Exactly Are They Getting Paid For
The supposed reasoning behind this large salary is that people are getting paid for opening up their lives to America. Blank stare. You knew what it was going to be like when you agreed to be a reality star. The cameras come into your home, work place, relationships, and family, for the world to see and judge. Why should you receive such a large amount for what is expected of you. You are a star of a reality series. You have to expect for your life to become open for all to see. However, that does not mean you should receive a person’s yearly salary in one day.

What I don’t understand is how the networks can afford to pay these reality stars such lavish amounts when they barely want to pay their writers sensibly or treat them with any regard? Hence the writers strike. Look what the world has come to. People who have went to school and received training in the entertainment field have to fight for a nickel while a housewife from New Jersey can make big bread simply because we so want to see her pick her kid up from soccer practice and argue with her husband later about it.

Of course, they should get paid something. The cast of Big Brother receives $750 a week with a $500,000 pay off if you make it to the end. This salary is much more fitting for the job description of “Reality Star”.

Although, I am not a fan of reality series I do see the attraction to them. People are naturally nosey and we want to see other people’s lives. We want to be involved and judge their decisions. We love calling the real housewives “petty” from our living room or watching people plot against each other to last the longest on an island. I do not judge anyone for watching them, nor do I judge anyone for being on a reality show. I simply do not agree with the excessive salaries given to these people. Who are in essence, getting paid to be people living their lives. They are not discovering cures for diseases, helping the poor or sick.

Who do I blame? I blame the networks for providing such a lavish salary to undeserving, untrained, individuals with no acting background. I also blame you and me and society as whole for putting people like Nee-Nee Leakes on a fiscal pedestal over the doctor or nurse who is currently wiping the slob from the corners of your Granny’s mouth. Do me this favor, the next time you see your Granny’s nurse, give her a special thanks from me.

For more of La’Juanda “LJ” Knight check her out @ yeahshesaidit.com.

Sylvia Arthur sets out a few inspirational and enlightening facts to get your minds in gear to explore the big wide world outside your comfort zone

Europeans take great pleasure in reveling in the unfortunate fact that just 6% of Americans own a passport, with only slightly more choosing to venture outside of their immediate environs and explore their own United States. Europeans love to travel and experience the world outside their borders and people of African descent, in particular, have long been a nomadic race. There’s a whole black world out there to explore and for those of you looking for that push to get out there and see it, feel it and taste it for yourselves, here are a few snippets to set you on your way.

1. The black population in Brazil will outnumber the white population this year for the first time.

There are more people of African descent in Brazil than in any country outside of Africa itself, making Brazil second only to Nigeria in terms of its black population. This racial melting pot is a result of the transatlantic slave trade in which more than 40% of Africans forcibly exported to the New World were taken to Brazil. Today, half the country’s 183 million people have African slaves as forefathers. Brazil has been celebrated for its vibrant, integrated “racial democracy” but Black Brazilians still lag behind whites economically and educationally. Most economic indicators show that black Brazilians are the poorest section of society, and the sprawling favelas or shanty towns are just one indication of this. As well as having the poorest jobs and housing, Afro Brazilians also fare badly in terms of health and access to education, while black faces are rarely seen in the corridors of power in either business or politics. Recently, there has been a heated debate about the issue of race, equality and discrimination and the use of quotas as a means to address lack of access by black students to universities has proved particularly controversial.

2. Black women are increasingly taking leadership roles in Europe
A new breed of political star is in the ascendancy. Black women all over Europe are rising up the ladder of political power and are assuming positions of prominence both nationally and internationally.

Rama Yade, a Senegalese-born daughter of a diplomat, is a French politician who has served in the government since 2007 and was the first ever French minister for human rights. She is currently the Secretary of State for Sports.

Rachida Dati, a Moroccan-Algerian, was the first woman from a non-European immigrant background to occupy a key ministerial position in the French Cabinet.

Joyce Sylvester, acting mayor of the Dutch city of Naarden, is the first black woman to serve as mayor in the Netherlands. Sylvester is born in Amsterdam and is of Surinamese descent.

Sandy Cane, a 47-year-old Italian-American, was elected mayor of Viggiu after winning 30% of votes cast by the town’s 5,000 residents. Cane, who has a black American father and an Italian mother, voted for Barack Obama in the US presidential elections but is representing an Italian anti-immigration party.

3. Rwandan women are world leaders
Rwanda, the central African country notorious for civil war and genocide, is the first country in the world where women outnumber men in parliament. At the last parliamentary elections in 2008, women took 45 out of 80 seats or 56.25%.

Rwanda, whose post-genocide constitution ensures a 30% quota for female MPs, already held the record for the most women in parliament.

In the run-up to the election, gender advocates called on parties not only to have equal representation of women and men in their party lists, but also to position women close to the top to ensure the presence of women representatives. The ruling party, the Rwanda Patriotic Front, placed a woman at the head of its list, and of the 42 seats it won, 17 went to women. Of the further 3 seats won by women in the general election, 2 went to the Social Democratic Party, and 1 to the Liberal Party.

An additional 24 women MPs were elected through the indirect electoral process managed by the National Women’s Council (CNF) — an organ attached to the Ministry for Gender and Family Promotion.

4. Black women are international literary giants
French-Senegalese writer Marie NDiaye last month won France’s top literary prize, the Prix Goncourt, for her novel Trois femmes puissantes [Three Strong Women], a novel on family, betrayal and the hellish ordeal of illegal migration from Africa. NDiaye is the black woman, and the first woman in ten years, to be awarded the prize.

NDiaye was born in France, the daughter of a French mother and a Senegalese father. After her father returned to Senegal, she didn’t travel to Africa until she was in her 20s and now lives in Berlin with her three children.

NDiaye is only the most recent woman of African descent to be recognised for her literary flair.

Nigerian author Chimamanda Ngozi-Adichie is the darling of the international book scene, with her novels Purple Hibiscus and Half of a Yellow Sun scooping multiple accolades. Her newly published collection of short stories The Thing Around Your Neck has also gained international critical acclaim.

5. International black women are doing big things on the big screen
Thandie Newton, Sophie Okonedo, Naomie Harris and Carmen Ejogo – black, British and hugely successful actresses, internationally known and internationally respected. Following in the footsteps of Marianne Jean-Baptiste, the first black British woman to be nominated for an Oscar, these strong black women are taking over Hollywood with award worthy performances, representing for UK talent that is so often gone unrecognised at home. Newton is currently burning up the big screen in the blockbuster 2012 while Okonedo is starring in the biopic Skin. Meanwhile, Harris, famous for her role in Pirates of the Caribbean, is taking over the British small screen in an adaptation of writer Andrea Levy’s award winning novel Small Island.

I can’t help it. I’m being totally serious. No matter how ‘grown’ I get, just get me round a bundle of XY chromosomes (thrown together in the right packaging) and I just lose all control. My body tingles all over like it’s made of pop rocks and cherry cola. It’s involuntary. It’s maddening. It’s humiliating. And, it totally doesn’t mesh with the feminist fatale self-image I have carefully constructed for myself. But, I have come to believe, over the years, that there is no one quite so boy crazy as a fiercely independent woman (c‘est moi). Blame it on hormones. Blame it on Maxwell. Shoot, blame it on global warming, if you want to. Whatever the cause, I find just the teensiest bit of solace in the thought that maybe, just maybe, there are more out there “like me”. So, commiserate with a playa. Take our “Are you boy crazy?” quiz and find out if you’re a victim, too?

Question One: Which of the following describes your reaction when you see a Hottie McHottie for the first time?
a. He’s fy-ah. MUST. HAVE. HIM!
b. He’s a little bit of alright. Eye candy is always good fun.
c. He’s cute and all… I wonder what’s on TV tonight?
d. I’d rather be shoe shopping.

Question Two: How many times a day do you think about boys?
a. What’s the infiniteEST, mostESTest number ever invented?
b. A bajillion sounds about right.
c. I don’t know, but it’s definitely less than I think about shoes.
d. I’ve got better things to do.

Question Three: When you come to the part of the movie where they show (Will Smith, Don Cheadle, Morris Chestnut, Daniel Craig, Johnny Depp, Tyrese)’s derriere, you…..
a. Grab for the remote control (to press PAUSE) and remember you’re IN THE THEATRE. Emmmmbarrrassin’.
b. Smile and soak it all in, on some “feast your eyes” type of situation.
c. Shyly avert your gaze and pretend to look for that pack of TRIDENT “Cinnamon Tingle”, whilst taking the occasional peek.
d. Yawn, reach for the popcorn and wish they would hurry up and get back to the story.

Question Four: The phone rings. You’re expecting a call from “HIM”. You…
a. Dive across the room like a goalkeeper at the World Cup.
b. Let it ring twice or three times before picking up (give you time to practice your “sexy” answering voice).
c. Answer the phone like a normal human being and say something crazy like, “Hello.”
d. Chill. Keep on painting your toes. And, let it go to VM. It ain’t that serious.

Answer key: a = 4 points, b = 3 points, c = 2 points, d = 1 point.

If you scored…

(14-16) – May god (dess) have mercy on your poor, pathetic, boy-crazy soul. You’ve got it bad, sister.
(9-13) – Oh, you’re boy-crazy, alright. Don’t get it twisted. But, there’s still hope you could lead a normal life. Perhaps take up a hobby. Any interest in clog dancing? It’s very distracting.
(7-8) – You’re aiiight. Keep it movin’.
(4-6) – I want to be like you when I grow up. You give me hope. **sniffs, wipes eyes**

You’re headed home after a long drawn out lecture in your evening college class. Cruising down the highway in a car that seems as if it isn’t worth the money you put into it, you turn down the R&B love a song that reminds you of how sad your love life truly is. That infuriating supervisor of yours seems to enjoy making your life more miserable each day. Then… there is the girl. The fly fashionista that seems to have everything together: beautiful hair, amazing body (not to include the flawless skin and great manicure/pedicure). She drives the whip you wish you had and has the man you always wanted and if that is not enough she is always rocking the latest fashion with a grace and poise that you could only have if you were dreaming.

You do your best to keep from thinking about the events of the day but cannot help seeing as how it only going to repeat itself the next, it’s the same thing everyday … that is when it hits you… you are stuck. You start to wonder about what happened to the goals and dreams that you had once mapped out for yourself? There are so many people your age that are so successful… why can’t you indulge in that same success? Daunting thoughts roam through your mind… How did I get here? How can I fix this? Where am I going? You are intelligent, fun-loving, creative, and gorgeous if you do say so yourself! So what is keeping you from having the success you dream about…?

Most young college women have a difficult time turning their dream careers into reality because they are stuck in a world of “cannot”, “shouldn’t”, and “don’t even think about its”. Accepting this cause those individuals to become comfortable in that neighborhood, settling right into the retirement house of “I quit!” before they even try. Well cry no more Clutchettes! Here are some motivating tips that you can use to help steer yourself out of the “hopeless” community and on to the highways of success.

1. Stay Diligent.
It doesn’t matter if it working on a thesis for your next book or simply doing your laundry — a lazy Clutchette never gets anything accomplished. You must keep it moving!

2. Find a Hobby.
Most young women who success have an idea of what they want to become, a good way to find out what you want to do is experiment. That’s where hobbies come into effect. Once you start doing something you love for fun you start thinking of ways to turn it into something lucrative.

3. Make a list of short term goals.
Where do you see yourself in the next 5 years? How do you plan on getting there? It could be something as simple as ‘I want to grow my hair out to the middle of back’ or ‘I want to obtain my masters in the next 5 years’. Putting it down on paper is one of the best ways to get a clear visual of what you want to achieve in your life. It’s ok to aim high!

4. Get involved in classes.
Whether it’s learning a new language or learning about business, knowledge is a must have for today’s successful career Clutchette. The more knowledge you obtain the more opportunities you will have.

5. Surround yourself with motivational people.
Most powerful and successful women surround themselves with people who either have similar goals or beliefs. If you encircle yourself with positive energy it will bring out the optimism in you and keep you aspiring.

6. Live a healthy lifestyle.
When you workout, eat right, and take care of yourself overall you feel good! You are more constructive and have more liveliness. When you feel good you are happy and having a positive attitude will put you in the right lane on the highways to success.

So remember Clutchettes think outside of and look past your current situation. Success is at your fingertips all you had to do is reach out and take it. In the words of Theodore Roosevelt “It is hard to fail, but it is worse to never have tried to succeed”.

A celebrity is a famous person.
A famous person is one who has a widespread reputation usually of a favorable nature.
A star is a person who is celebrated or distinguished in some art, profession, or other field…

—-
So – some may ask – how is it that an increasing number of “celebrities”, who possess no discernable talent, manage to obtain a lavish lifestyle of the rich and famous? Millions of people who are even vaguely familiar with pop culture are perplexed by the heightened celebrity status bestowed upon those whose fame stems from activities once considered obscure, vulgar, or unflinchingly trifling – and completely devoid of what is commonly referred to as talent.

One wonders if 25 years ago or more, talent agencies would’ve considered taking on clients who offered no on-screen talent or training whatsoever, instead, relying on tawdry marketing strategies to ensure notoriety. For example, game shows contestants stayed in their respective lanes, and the only place you may find a former contestant was in your local mall or supermarket. Now, these contestants and other ‘non-scripted’ show participants seek to use their 15 minutes as a portal to create a whole freakin’ hour.

Sex sells for men and women alike, but for 99% of female celebs, sex appeal has always been paramount. Upon reflection however, those whose roots originated in (and failed to deviate from) X-rated activities, thrived in their own genre. Nowadays, it appears as though the lines are blurred, and women who would’ve reigned freely within the confines of the adult entertainment world are able to carve out tenuous careers in the mainstream. On the other end of the spectrum exist “the awkward” bunch who are willing to exploit their own eccentricities for the sake of prolonged media attention.

What fuels this phenomenon? Is it an insatiable need for attention? The media’s habit of nurturing the sensational rather than the substantive? The jury is still out on this convoluted debate. So we took a survey, which lists alleged “no talent” notables that receive far too much air time. Each of the celebs listed below falls under one or more of the following categories: pornographic; general opportunist; nepotism; gimmick. Take a guess as to who’s who in each category:

• Amber Rose
• Karrine Steffans
• The Kardashian Sisters
• Paris Hilton
• Nicole Richie
• Soulja Boy
• Kevin Federline
• Most popular reality show contestants
• All Flavor of Love contestants
• Nick Cannon
• Teyana Taylor
• Rumer Willis

The findings of the survey were intended to uncover the perspectives of concerned readers, and are by no means presented as irrefutable facts. As an online magazine, we are aware that new media is a major factor in the rise of the 15 minute famous set. The bigger issue at hand is the long-term impact this new trend will have on our society. What happens when newscasts become gossip – or scandal trumps talent and cheapness obliterates creativity? For starters, it may manifest in two media-crazed parents staging a hoax involving their missing son weather balloon…

No matter how you slice it, the fact is that a good deal of these so called ‘skill-free’ stars not only permeate the media, but have an avid fan base to boot. At the end of the day, that may be all it takes to be on top. Either that or one damn good publicist.

So, what say you Clutchettes and Gents? Why in the freak are ‘they’ famous? We’d like to hear your thoughts on this speculative issue.

“No industry is black-owned. Actually, the (NBA) Player’s Association gets 49 percent of the revenue, since most players are black. That would be the No. 1 black-run organization. It’s the chink in Dr. King’s armor. We marched and did all these things to be a part of something when we should have been trying to get our own thing. It’s like saying. ‘I wanna be in a co-op,’ instead of saying ‘I want my own house.’ So we’re in a co-op and now the building is coming down.” – Chris Rock

Today, there are just over 42 million African Americans in this country. All free agents, relatively speaking. In 1860, there were about 4 million slaves, roughly the current population of Alabama. That seems like progress.

Or how about this: A recent study by a group of University of Maryland (College Park) undergraduate researchers showed a link between slave labor and the building of the college 150 years ago. I’m sure they didn’t have black students in mind when they were building the school; after all, we were only 60 percent human. Today, I am a master’s candidate at said university.

Is that progress?

Progress is a scary word. On one hand, it denotes improved conditions. On the other, it can lull people into a mud of complacency. Take, for example, student test scores in primary schools. A spike one year will have people marveling at improved teacher efficacy, when it could be nothing more than an aberration, or just a brilliant student coterie.

Take another example: President Obama’s election. Racism seemed to have turned for the better a year ago. But there have been numerous incidents of racial overtones, monkey displays, political cartoons, Limbaugh, sustained police brutality accounts, gun rights zealots toting heat in front of the White House on a health care protest, Limbaugh, gun sales rising 400 percent after he was elected (and in a recession nonetheless), Fox News and Limbaugh.

Too often, the term “progress” lacks nuance. The African-American condition has markedly improved since 1860; that’s easy to see. We’re now 100 percent lawful humans. We’re not subject to gratuitous floggings (well, there is the police). We have a choice of what we want to do for a living (though most black millionaires are entertainers). Families can stay together and not worry about being traded off (wait, there is professional sports). We can now be taught to read and write (well, there is Gucci Mane). What was my point again?

Celebrating the freedom of not being a slave is like celebrating a father for taking care of his children: You’re supposed to take care of your children, so why should that be celebrated? To a soul in bondage, however, anything above and beyond basic human rights should be counted a positive. Right?

You don’t stick a knife in a man’s back nine inches and then pull it out six inches and say you’re making progress. – Malcolm X

So what would our ancestors say, given a peek into 2009? Probably a myriad of complex contradictory feelings.

Jealousy:

You’d be jealous too. Don’t flex. Last time I checked, we don’t toil in the sun all day under the threat of violence or dehumanization. Even worse, it doesn’t appear that 20th century black people pay enough homage. If you became a billionaire and your child inherits it, but doesn’t acknowledge you, you wouldn’t like it either. Well, that’s where we are.

Plus, it’s not like black people don’t have a tendency for envy. Jesse Jackson reared his jealous head at President Obama. Spike Lee expressed dismay over the success of Tyler Perry. If Perry wasn’t the most financially successful black movie auteur of this decade, Spike probably even wouldn’t bother to voice his dissent. But such is the nature of human psychology.

Shame:

BET. Reality shows that have “Flavor”, “New York”, “Chance” or “Housewives” in the title. The current status of the NAACP. Kwame Kilpatrick. If you see or read something that would make you cringe, chances are it will embarrass them as well. Well, at least these lyrics provide some saving grace:

“See I wake up in the morning, take a sh–, shower, shave. Stand over the stove and whip it like a slave. OK, new day new yay. Bet I whip it like Kunta Kinte. I’m talkin’ sugar talkin’ dough like a Beignet. I take a brick, karate chop it like a sensei.” – Lil Wayne “Whip It Like A Slave”

It’s not about perfection, it’s about not fulfilling stereotypes for profit.

Disconnect:

There isn’t much recorded on drug use during slavery. According to former slave John W. Fields, it wasn’t until he ran away that he knew “they sold anything but slaves, tobacco or whiskey.” So it’s safe to say drug trafficking is a little new to them. Along with gaudy jewelry. Or laziness. Or a general lack of desire to read and write. Or an aversion to create lasting families. Or descendants making light of flagellation in the pursuit of a rhyme (profit). Or Barack Obama’s eloquence and stature. But then again, Obama isn’t a descendant of a slave. Let’s just move on.

Gratification:

In the Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglas, Douglas said that it wasn’t unusual for slaves not to know their age as much “as horses know of theirs.” Learning to read and write was essential to Douglass seeing himself as human. As he describes it, the acquisition of these skills is inseparable from the dawning of self-consciousness.

Gratification for slaves only comes for those whose consciousness was raised prior to death. When literacy is the spur to self-discovery and awareness of the world around you, procreation takes on a whole new meaning.

What are the biggest indulgences of Black America now? It’s almost impossible to tell because Black America is hardly a monolithic group. There is the crowd who enjoys BET, but there are people, like her, who wish the network would jump off a cliff. There is the unabashed Gucci Mane-Soulja Boy-Plies loving crowd, but there are hordes who would rather intake cyanide than hear them rap/talk.

There are many who fully support the use of “nigga,” and there are more than a few who will never understand its use. There is the racially disengaged crowd, people who choose to live their life only within their circle of influence. There are the conspiracy theorists, those who totally distrust governmental authority and urge everybody else to do the same.

Whatever your philosophies in life are as a black person in America, a uniform look at the starting point is warranted. We are all here under tragic origins, bound by the same prior struggle.

But does that even matter? What good does it do to implore people to remember their history? The whole process seems banal and trite. Excitement, however, is not a requisite for success.

Where there is progress, there can be regress. Maybe a more ancestral focus will prevent the latter.

“I want to do more than just run an agency, I’m here to give other young women an opportunity. I want them to know there’s someone who will take time to communicate with them.”

Ms. Hardison was born and raised in Brooklyn, NY by a devout Muslim family. She broke major ground in the mid 60’s by becoming the first Black salesperson in a showroom upon her debut to NYC’s fast-paced garment industry. By the late 60’s she began modeling for a talented young designer she met (on an elevator no less) by the name of Willi Smith. What started as a fitting gig turned into an extraordinary career as one of the first African American models on the international catwalk, so to speak. Her contemporaries included Iman, Beverly Johnson, and Naomi Sims.
More than a beautiful face, Bethann had her business skills on lock too. In 1980, she partnered with Willi Smith and joined a start-up modeling agency called “Click.” As a booker, Ms. Hardison used her unique sensibilities to match Click’s “exotic” talent with leading talent seekers, and by 1981, she was head of Click’s women’s division.

According to sources, it was during this time that Hardison was approached by a friend who was keenly aware of her potential to change the face of the fashion industry. He agreed to put up the money and in a leap of faith, Bethann Management came to be in 1984. Its initial roster included 16 models – mostly African American.

A selfless pioneering spirit, Bethann was not concerned self-aggrandizement, but concrete, significant virtues. Ms. Hardison once said, “I’m looking for something beyond just a face. The more intelligent they are, the more open and well rounded they are, the more they convey in photographs.” Success stories include Naomi Campbell Veronica Webb, Roshumba, Tyson Beckford, and not to mention her son, actor, Kadeem Hardison.

Bethann Management has since made an enduring impact in the world of fashion, despite the built in obstacles. In Essence Hardison revealed, “The industry is looking for Black images that are compatible with their white counterparts, but always with the white images first and Black images–if at all—second.” It was this unfortunate fact that led Bethann and close friend Iman to establish the Black Girls Coalition, an alliance responsible for making real strides within the fashion community, such as aiding Naomi Campbell in becoming the first Black model to cover Allure.

In a recent piece titled “The Lack of the Black Image in Fashion Today,” Bethann Hardison, was reported as saying, “In the United States of America, this is the one industry that still has the freedom to refer to people by their color and reject them in their work. I came up in the Sixties. I feel it’s the worst it’s ever been.” But there is hope, in the form of a movement led by Bethann Hardison herself. The first African American cheerleader in her high school is a living example of what can be achieved by maintaining a priceless unwavering belief in oneself and fostering compassion for others.

Ms. Hardison served as a contributing editor of the groundbreaking Black issue of Vogue Italia and has examined racism in fashion in her new documentary aptly titled, Invisible Beauty.

You begin to ask yourself, ‘Is it me?’ or start to wonder if maybe the odds are just stacked against you. But are all men jerks, or are some of us just unlucky enough to be a jerk magnet?

Good question…

Well, I guess the best way to answer this is to consider either the source of the problem or more importantly the one asking the question.

The bitter side of my heart that has come across a plethora of identical wolves that all reside in different brands of sheep clothing, could easily stand up on a platform and shout the words, “Yes, yes, all men are created equal, and yes, all of them are personified jerks on top of that,” but I must grit my teeth with the knowledge that not every man falls into that category, even when so many seem to frequent that neighborhood on a regular basis.

Jerks are without a doubt, an intrusion on ones own happiness, but to so many women out there, there’s still something magnifying about a man who can work a cocky attitude with finesse or make the blemish of their negative behavior sexy enough for them to desire the mayhem and all the mess that comes along with it.

But why is that?

The reality is, The Do Right Man down the block, is sometimes nowhere near as exciting as “Tyrone” is to some folks. We’d rather trade in the pleasures of simplicity, for a world filled with intrigue, complications, and several headaches to say the least.

When living in that lifestyle, we often find ourselves arm in arm with our hearts Cause and Effect. Short term pleasures turn into long standing after effects, and we’re most often riddled with a bitterness and negativity from our sour relationships that should have never gone further than the utter of an occasional “Hello.”

Maybe we enjoy the pleasure of complaining rather than the satisfaction of living on Easy Street. I guess there’s no heightened challenge in a relationship with someone who isn’t “complicated.” Also, the element of continual worry as to whether or not Mr. Right will show up on a date or even stay faithful to our hearts is overridden by the fact that a good man, doesn’t thrive on the same nonsense and drama attributed to folks we’d classify as a jerk.

So if we know that there’s gold at the end of one of these rainbows, why do we keep chasing pennies or continuing to sift through wishing wells hoping for a pay off?

Here’s 5 ways to tell whether you are or aren’t a jerk magnet.

* You can’t help it. The world loves a bad attitude.
In defense of many of us who continually get entangled with the callousness of a lifestyle intertwined with a Bad Boy attitude or those unassuming jerks we all know and love, sometimes its not by our own attraction that these men fall under our radar, but moreover by the celebration of such narcissistic behavior that seems to be embedded into our mentality on a day to day basis.

We all loved Morris Chestnut in The Best Man, but his cheating ways definitely fall under the category of jerky behavior- but what about those lips? It’s so easy to dismiss their behavior when it’s preceded by a radiating charm. Don’t forget our love for other fictional characters like House M.D., Ari Gold from Entourage or with real celebrities like Kanye West, Chris Brown and Bobby Brown who all easily fit the bill.

*You’re a victim of subliminal messages.
Songs like “You’re a Jerk- I know” go from being just a catchy tune on the radio, or the latest dance craze, on to subbing as your next prospects self-proclaimed anthem. Confidence is definitely attractive, but there is a difference between having it and being classified as cocky. When a man walks in sure of himself, and smoldering with a loud arrogance and negative attitude, so many of us can’t help but be drawn to his jerkdom. The illusion is more fun to accept than the truth, it’s sexy right? I know.

*History has a tendency of repeating itself.
If you came from a drama filled past, then chances are you’ve incorporated that mentality into your immediate future. We do what’s familiar to us, that’s why when mom pulls out that Apple Pie around holidays, we tear up during those moments of nostalgia because there’s a comfort in duplicating a priceless feeling from our childhood. The same thing goes in the world of dating. If you were privy to drama, arguments, selfishness and lies while growing up, chances are you will unknowingly seek out that behavior from your significant other because you are what you know, even if it’s a lesson you never bargained for.

* Your ideal of Love is modeled after the Olympics: Challenging.
I can change him. He needs me to show him how to love. He’s been hurt a lot, but once he realizes that I’m not like all the other girls, he’ll let his guard down and things will get better. I’ve been monitoring the time on my watch ever since the first minute I came across those statements. So far it’s been 16 years since I’ve been acquainted with these ideologies from wishful thinkers, and no matter the year or the decade, the outcome for every one of those relationships thriving on a plethora of challenges all ended where they started- nowhere. The challenge should be in never having to lose the happiness, not in working to obtain it.

* The mirror never lies.
Is it hard to consider that maybe the reason some of us continually attract jerks and bad boys, is because we’re a magnet for individuals who are just like we are? Hard pill to swallow or for some the truth doesn’t phase them much, either way we are what we seek, so often times the people we connect with in many ways are a reflection of our own behavior and attitude.

True. We WERE on the clock and sessions weren’t cheap. Even with insurance, I had a $20 co-pay that was squeezing a girl’s already hurting pocketbook. But, being my typically neurotic, compulsively eager-to-please self, I told her that it was OK, that not only did I not mind talking about race, but I thought it was a necessary part of our getting to know one another. After all, we’d only had a handful of these little psychological pow-wows so far and, superficially, we didn’t have a helluva lot in common. There was a generation gap to start, and, well let me just put it all out there: My shrink was a white lady, married with children and a couple grandchildren, and I’m a happily single, young-ish, African American woman without a crumb snatcher to my name. With such different lives, how could she possibly begin to help me without knowing where I was coming from, and how could she ever know if she were afraid to ask some taboo questions? I think my reassurances put her at ease, at least I hope so. But, to tell the truth, her peculiar revelation got me thinking….just how much does race really matter when choosing a therapist?

The Office of Minority Health reports that “African Americans are 30% more likely to report having serious psychological distress than non-hispanic whites”, largely due to socio-economic factors. Although poverty levels and lack of access to mental health services continues to be a hindrance, more and more people of color are finding their way into psychotherapy and psychological counseling for the first time. Though the reasons for seeking treatment will range from the trivial to the alarming, each potential new patient will have to overcome the same obstacle…choosing their therapist.

Oh, like me, the searches will start out simple enough. With the same routine questions one would ask if looking for say, a good podiatrist. Questions like, “Is the office convenient?”, “Is this person qualified?”, “Licensed?” , “Do they come well recommended?” But once past the formalities, the unique challenge of picking the right therapist starts delving into decidedly grayer areas. You begin asking yourself more touchy-feely questions like, “Can I trust this person?” “Will they understand me?” “ Would I feel more comfortable opening up to a man or a woman.” “Someone younger or older?”

The thing is, if you’re a black person seeking therapy, and you’re lucky enough to get over that first huge cultural hurdle of black folk “don’t tell our bidnizz”, and get yourself into a therapist’s office for the help you may need, there’s still a whole pile of baggage to deal with. I can dance around the precise definition of what I mean here, coat it with oh, about two or three spoonfuls of sugar, but that won’t change the fact that I’m talking about racism, folks. Plain and simple. Mine, theirs, ours. Hey, we could get matching bath towel sets for it.

But truly, I’m not saying that there aren’t some amazing, empathetic people out there of caucasian, Asian and Latin descent who aren’t amazing at what they do. What I am saying is that, in my experience, people of other races are more likely to have preconceived notions about my income, about how many “baby daddies” I have or about whether or not I dig opera. And, all of that prejudging and stereotyping could mean a greater likelihood that I would be misdiagnosed.

On the other hand, I remember growing up and hearing horror stories about white folks who refused the treatment of black medical staff (my parents were both nurses in the 60s) and feeling outraged about that. I wonder if my hesitancy to embrace a white (or Asian or Latin) therapist doesn’t, in a way, make me guilty of the same thing? I could be wrong, in this day and age of cultural competency classes and diversity training, to assume that a therapist of another race doesn’t understand things like “generational trauma” in African American people and the “weathering effect” of racism. Add to that the fact that having a therapist who isn’t of one’s immediate community may have the added benefit of increased anonymity, so that it’s less likely that we have acquaintances in common. Definitely, the idea that I might have friends or family in common with my same-race therapist, that we might run into each other at The Roots concert on Friday, makes it a little more awkward to open up.

I guess what I’m saying, bottom line, is that I don’t know, but it’s at least worth talking about. Worth thinking about. We’ve got Obama and Michelle chillin’ in the White House, and I think it’s time we started having some of those taboo conversations with ourselves (why still so much stigma about seeking help for mental illness in the black community?) and with each other (hey, Mr. White therapist, I don’t know if you’ll really be able to understand me. You don’t even know what a “perm” is). It’s time we all just started conversing about it. So, let’s talk.