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An Ode to the Ex

Saturday Dec 1, 2007 – By Rashana Hooks

200188540-003.jpgI know it may seem strange to pay homage to an ex, and even stranger to think they deserve a special thank you. But every ex, whether an ex-boyfriend or an ex-husband has taught us something about life, love and most importantly our self. Don’t you think that deserves recognition?

If you would have told me a few years ago that I would one day dedicate an article to all my ex-boyfriends thanking them for every tear, pain and frustration they had caused me, I would tell you to keep dreaming. I probably would even go as far as considering you to seek help for your hallucinations. But that seemed to be the case when a recent run-in with an ex-boyfriend ignited my quest down memory lane of all my past failed relationships. I began to replay the final moments of each relationship, wishing I would have handled them much differently. I wished I would have been more patient and less unforgiving. I wished I would have been a bit wiser and less naïve. I wished I would have been more honest and less trying to save face. I wished I did not listen to others advice and followed my heart. I wished I expressed my expectations rather than assumed they knew. I wished I knew what I know now. After analyzing all of the “could have”, “should have” and “would have’s”, I realized I learned something from each one of them. I learned all of the things I’m now wishing I had done differently back then. I’m now more patient, forgiving and honest. I now know a failed relationship doesn’t mean that I’m a failure. I’m now stronger. I’m now smarter. I’m now wiser. I’m now a grown woman. I now know that because of my past I’m a better person and girlfriend today. With this, I now know each purpose the relationship served.

We all forget that pain and disappointment are one of the most valuable teachers. We women especially, scorn ourselves with hurt and baggage from a relationship gone wrong, when we really need to take that opportunity to grow in wisdom, courage, and self awareness. Instead of bad mouthing and regretting our ex’s, let’s be thankful for them. No matter the reason or who was at fault for the breakup, the one thing that’s guaranteed is a lesson. Like me, you may not learn it until years later. But once you do, take a moment to say thank you. I just did.

Your Ex,

Rashana

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14 Comments – Add Yours

  1. tremaine tremaine says:

    this right here, “I now know a failed relationship doesn’t mean that I’m a failure. I’m now stronger. I’m now smarter. I’m now wiser. I’m now a grown woman.” I am in total agreement with you on. You’re right, our past helps to shape our present and hopefully take us into a future in which we are more aware. Good article.

  2. Erin Erin says:

    What a great article! It took me a long time to realize just what you’ve summed up in this story ;)

  3. Rashana Rashana says:

    Thanks for the great feedback!

  4. krissy krissy says:

    Great article.

  5. Erika Erika says:

    This was a great article.

  6. niks59 niks59 says:

    Good article. I just broke up with my ex, after 10 yrs, and it is really hard to not feel like a failure. Great article to point out to women that it may not be our fault, but his.

  7. constance constance says:

    You are very right you learn, grow, get stronger, and wiser from relationships. I was with my ex fiancee for 7 years. I broke up with him. It was the most painful thing I have ever experienced. I still love him and respect him. He was suprised that I would talk to him, but from that experience I’m so strong. I now know what I trully want. I thank GOD for that pain.

  8. Eb Eb says:

    great article… i think I am going to write an ode to my ex on my blog

  9. David David says:

    Great article, every experience is good experience, and you can’t regret what was to us all a good decision at that time, we learn the lesson and keep it moving. Thanks for the reflective words.

  10. Rachael Rachael says:

    Excellent Article! I have so much going on with my current boyfriend. This has given me the strength to do what my heart has been telling me to do and not what others have been telling me regarding my relationship.

  11. Bkking Bkking says:

    This article is a great article,touched alot of good points. A relationship is as strong as the people in it, just make sure you bring the good from your past and not the bad.

  12. FT FT says:

    I absolutely love this article, I have had a problem letting go of the pain the ex has caused and sometimes find myself building up a great wall when ever my current boyfriend does anything. I think you are so right in that thanking your exs helps with letting go the pain and moving on. I have learned to let experience be my teacher and move on!!

  13. Glennisha Glennisha says:

    Great Article! You’re right we need to express our expectations, wants, and needs instead of assuming that they know or should know. How will they know if we don’t tell them?

  14. Unique Unique says:

    Thanks for writing this article. I’m going through a pain separation and find myself wishing that I could have done something or rather a lot of things differently.
    Thanks for sharing!

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