Beauty

Are White Men More Appreciative of Natural Hair?

Monday Aug 3, 2009 – By Laquita Thomas-Banks

200464249-001 Let’s revisit a situation experienced by a fellow natural. She’s in a classroom packing up her books when she notices her white, male teacher looking at her. His look is not just a passing glance, but a stare. Although feeling annoyed, she ignores his staring and keeps packing. The teacher continues to stare. All of a sudden, her teacher gets up and walks up to her. “Your hair looks nice. What is that — natural?” he asks smiling up at her hair. She answers yes. “Great, that’s what I like to see,” he adds.

That experience was an eye opener for her – a white man staring at her all because of her hair. “He definitely made my day!” she said. Later, our fellow natural finds out that her teacher is married to a women of African descent and that her hair is also natural. She feels that it is therefore safe to assume that, “As a Caucasian male, he loves Black people, especially those with natural hair.” You can hear the ‘live’ version of this experience, and see the actual hairstyle she was wearing in ItalEmpress199 aka Kimberley Kerr’s YouTube Video, “White Men Like Natural Hair!”

Since going natural have you noticed that you get more compliments from white men, or white people in general? Do you find that for some reason they seem more accepting? Yardley Messeroux, creator of The Coil Review says,

“I feel like white men have been fascinated with black beauty for decades. Not all, but many. It has a lot to do with their view of black beauty. Overall, they see it to be different – unique – exotic, especially our natural hair. ”

Something much different from what they know and what they’ve grown up around in their households. They’re interested in learning more about it. And guess what? I don’t blame them. We’re pretty fly.” The Coil Review has a series called “Memoirs of a White Man” by Alex Barnett. It is the tale of a white man and how his fascination with natural hair (the afro) aided in his girlfriend’s transition.

“For her, it was perhaps the scariest thing she had done in her life, because this woman had straightened her hair for more than 25 years, since the age of 10. As for me, well, the hardest part was just learning the basics. As the White boyfriend of a Black woman, there was a lot I needed to learn –and quick– if I was going to help her navigate this journey. And, as she so often reminded me, I better learn, because it was my dumb ass who suggested this in the first place. Oops!” he writes.

To read more check out Part I , Part II , and the Conclusion. The Coil Review also plans to publish more of this series.

I also came across more on this subject on Siditty.blogspot.com. In one of her posts, entitled “Natural Hair and IR Relationships”, Siditty, who is natural and married to a white man writes, “One thing I did notice was with white people they didn’t seem to be repulsed by my hair, they thought it was odd, but they didn’t ask me when I was going to go get it “done”.

My husband actually likes it because I spend less time in the bathroom and I am less inclined to fear rain or humidity. That, and he can actually touch my hair without fear of drawing back a nub. I think guys overall still prefer the straight look, but white guys who are open to dating black women seem to be more open to the concept of “natural hair”.”

Check out her above post and others: www.siditty.blogspot.com/2008/04/natural-hair-and-ir-relationships.html, www.siditty.blogspot.com/2008/01/black-hair-and-ir-relationships.html for a more insightful commentary on naturals and interracial dating.

Another one of my favorite blogs is On The Road to Queendom by Writing Addict. She has a head full of lovely locs and has also written on the topic. Her post is entitled “Do Men of Other Races Like Natural Black Women?”

In her post she states, “The men of other races told me that I was beautiful just like I was, that they loved my hair. That all of me was beautiful, not just some but all…” She goes on to add, “I don’t know how you feel about dating outside of your race, and I respect everyone’s decision. But let me say this, if you are open to love from different races, but think those other races don’t like you because you have tightly coiled or loc’d hair, well you need to think again.

Maybe slow down a bit when walking past … lift up that head and stop staring at the ground when you walk. Remember honey, you are a Queen and Queens are proud, they walk with eloquence and pride. You may just be surprised at “who” is checking you out! I know I was.” She also posted an excerpt from another site created by a white man called Black is Beautiful giving his take on ‘sexy’ roots, be sure to check it out on her blog.

Natural Hair Forum Discussions on the topic:
Black Hair Media Forum
www.forum.blackhairmedia.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=136004

Long Hair Care Forum
www.longhaircareforum.com/forums/archive/index.php/t-146781.html

Nappturality Forum
www.nappturality.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=89075&hl=white+men

Clnmike says:

August 10, 2009 at 6:34 pm

Of course they like it, it’s called “Exoticism”
By definition, exoticism is “the charm of the unfamiliar.”
Also tied into with fetish but not applicable with respect.

↑ Reply

August 10, 2009 at 6:36 pm

Oh an another thing just cause you have natural hair does not mean BM find you unattractive, chances were you were unattractive permed or not. A pretty woman is a pretty woman.

JoeBmore says:

August 11, 2009 at 9:52 am

Yvette – You are showing your own insecurity. You make it seem as if White is some great prize. How do you not see that. That is the point I am trying to say. If you have DIVISIVE articles such as this one. Which makes White men as some goal that must be reached. You are basically saying Black women are beneath them.

I’m sorry that your dating life has not been a fulfilling one. But maybe you need to look internally to your own bitterness and find out the reasons why.

ps.
I am dating a wonderful Black woman with natural hair now. So there is no reason to chase WW “with their silkyazz hair.”

Peace.

Mark says:

August 11, 2009 at 12:14 pm

Having read what was written above by Queen Janine regarding how white male/black females couples are ONLY motivated by a bizarre slave master fetish, I have to respond as a white male who happens to be in love with a black female.

We’ve been together for 3 and a half years.
I do my best to make her happy and I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.
She’s a person, first and foremost.
The fact that she is black and I’m white is irrelevant.
We know what color our skin is, but we just don’t care and we certainly don’t need to constantly revisit it out of some insecure sense of validation or identity crisis.
I love her natural hair because I can touch it, kiss it, we can be out in the rain, go swimming, and exercise.
I love her hair because it’s part of her.
If she decided to cut it all off and get weaves, I would support her.
It’s her hair and her decision and I will support her no matter what.

Do we have cultural differences?
Yes, and that’s part of the fun of being together.
We both get to see lifestyles we might not otherwise be exposed to.
We can go from a goth nightclub to a pan-african festival and be equally comfortable.
Basically, we’re happy wherever we are simply because we’re there together.
We enjoy our differences and celebrate them.
That’s part of being friends, which leads to lovers, which leads to lifelong partners and spouses.
White? Black? Who cares?
It becomes meaningless when you love someone.

I love her because she shines with a light that illuminates my heart.

anonygrl says:

August 11, 2009 at 1:43 pm

i’m hesitant to talk about white people and how they view my natural hair, because it can be very loaded. however, i will say that i’ve had MANY white people–male and female, fawn over my hair and tell me how much they “loooove it.” way more than when i got a relaxer and had burnt edges. but the exact same thing can be said for black people, too. i’ve read the entire comment section and a lot of women have highlighted that black people don’t really compliment them as much, but that’s been the opposite for me. well, when i wore my twist out my family and friends were less receptive to it (white people loved it, haha) but i still got lots of compliments and stares from black men.

now i am rocking a beautiful low cut and i get black men telling me how nice it looks on me all the time, although i must admit they do not usually say it outright. i do notice that white men are more willing to just come out and say, “your hair looks really good like that, most girls don’t” as opposed to having to think about it first.

brie says:

August 11, 2009 at 10:29 pm

I just have a story. My guy friend who is white, he has blonde hair and blue eyes was so excited when i said I’m going to go natural. After 6 months of transitioning I got my hair pressed. So I see him the next day, he was sooo pissed and kind of sad. He thought I got a relaxer but I was so shocked that he liked the idea of natural hair enough to get that mad. Also I saw my other friend but this was a girl who was russian was kinda waiting to see my natural hair and wished I didn’t press it.

Joe says:

September 2, 2009 at 11:45 pm

Since white men overwhelmingly marry white women (97%) and then asian women (2.4%), that paltry few that would marry a black woman may, indeed, ‘appreciate’ natural hair.

Or not give a damn.

All I know is that if I saw that woman in the picture when I was single, I’d think she was a damned fool who didnt know how to comb her hair.

I’m a black man, and i NEVER…EVER…EVER…liked that alleged ‘natural’ look. It always symbolized to me a lazy woman; or a woman that was going through some sort of ‘black identity crisis’. Every sister I knew that did that for ‘political reasons’ regretted it.

Now, does this mean ‘natural hair’ is inherently ugly? No. It means its MY OPINION.

That opinion will NEVER change. I married a woman who had all the attributes I liked, physical, mental, psychological and emotional. That included NON-kinky hair.

Keisha says:

September 7, 2009 at 10:37 pm

Many black men share Joe’s opinion of not being attracted to kinky hair. Black women should look elsewhere to find someone who will be attracted to them.

Z says:

September 11, 2009 at 8:35 am

Wow, do I feel sorry for Joe and whatever unfortunate woman he’s dating. His prejudices are so hateful towards natural hair for rather stupid and narrow-minded reasons. Ugh.

JoeBmore, the article is not uplifting white men or promoting them. It’s simply pointing out what a lot of natural women have experienced. Unless you’ve been woman with natural hair at some point, you’re not in a position to really observe white men’s attitudes towards it. Are you just against WM/BW relationships or what?

Imani, I just shake my head at you.

matt says:

September 12, 2009 at 6:06 pm

So this chick, excuse me-’author’, has an experience with a freaky white dude so then that means that all white dudes must be the same way.
I guess stereotypes and ignorant generalizations really do run the gamut.

Lisa says:

September 18, 2009 at 8:06 pm

You see here folks, “Joe” is a classic example of why blogs like this are and need to be in existence. If that thing even is a black man (which I have my doubts) then it just proved the point of the article.

Let me ask you all this: Why would anyone, in their right mind, not only come to a blog that has nothing to do with them but comment negatively on it? Simple: spite. There are people all over that hate seeing strong, liberated, freethinking women doing their thing and they attempt to tear us down. Now, if what “Joe” said wasn’t out of complete bitterness and catty spite toward black women (particularly ones on this blog with natural hair) “he” would have gone on an interracial blog or a “pro-non-kinky hair” site. But it’s obvious that “Joe” just came here to vent “his” frustration that “his” own race of women (if it’s even what it says it is) can and always point out black men’s evident shortcomings, and that even in our eyes they are on average not good enough for us. “He” feels “he’s” being attacked, so “he” feels the need to attack back. This kind of individual is someone we should be grateful doesn’t want to associate with us.

My mom always told me that natural hair is like a loser repellant. Truer words were never spoken, especially in the case of “Joe” lol.

carol says:

September 18, 2009 at 9:28 pm

Black people could end racism towards us very quickly if we just start to: Love, Accpet and Embrace our unique hair texture and skin shade.

Many still worry about young black girls obsession with white dolls, while failing to realize that more than 90% of adult black women are not choosing their own looks either. We voluntarily infuse our sensitive brain cells with harsh and toxic hair chemicals daily, and we simply don’t care, and dont’t want to care.

When Sampson cut off his locks he became weak and powerless, and the more that black women refuse to wear their natural hair “Dead or Alive” the weaker our minds become. Yet, the amount of monetary and academic assets that black people now own (especially in the U.S.) fool us that we’ve arrived, and are equal to all everyone else. Even though, at no time before, now or ever could even the stupidest of us be inferior to the most intellecutal of any other, since all others came from us, and without us, no other shall long remain.

Still I know that many don’t want to hear that, before black Negroes with nappy hair there were no other humans, and after us, no one shall remain.
Negroes with nappy hair are the only humans who can multiply and replace all other groups of humanity, -WHEN another catastrophe wipe-out the majority of mankind.

There is now scientific evidence that 75, 000 years ago a mega volcano erupted and put the world into an ice-age that lasted for centuries. Every group of mankind was wiped out (including those with lighter shades, who should’ve been able to withstand cold more than Negroes). And it is from those few Negroes that everyone on earth today sprung.

Plus, Dark Matter, Dark Energy and Dark Holes, are now realized to be the most predominant and critical stuff in the Universe. Yet they silently stay in the background, never raining on the parade of all the brighter stuff like Stars. Everything in the Universe (including the sun) has a finite age. The only thing that will last forever, and regenerate everything else, are blackness and darkness. Blackness and darkness have the potential to create every star, planet and other heavenly bodies. Just as Negroes only have the ability to create every other skin shade and hair type. Yet can never be duplicated by anyone else.

The motion of Cosmic bodies go around in a spiral like our spirally, kinky or nappy hair. The pattern of every human DNA spirals like our so-called nappy hair. Our hair is extraordinarily unique for significant cosmological reasons. We are the owners of precious commodities, which we’ve for too long refused to appreciate. Therefore many of us must now join others, wondering if the world is coming to an end. Since deep down inside of us, we must have some awareness that our blatant disregard of our precious hair is stating to the Universe, that we no longer want to be the repositors and maintainers of everyone else.

If Negro hair assumes the shape of the most important movements and patterns in mankind and the Cosmos, where did we get it that our hair is ugly and to be condemned? How is it intelligent for the prototype of humanity to imitate their by products? How many more of us must die trying (like our bloved brother Michael Jackson), to un-negro our most negroid looks?

By refusing to give up her seat on a bus, Rosa Park started a movement that forced whites to change at least one of their most racist policy. Money has always counted, and when they realized how much bus companies were loosing from black fares, they had no choice but to change. If black women should commit to proudly wear their natural hair for just one month, then the Koreans, Arabs and all others who know that they will get our monies no matter how much they insult us, would quickly change their tune.

However right now they know that we care more about imitating others, than honoring our individual and group image, so they have no reason to change. They know that no matter how much we complain, we currently do not love ourselves enough to embrace our natural looks. The world knows that every group has got us by every strand of our unique and precious follicle.
And the one thing they can count on for sure, is that they’ll weaken our minds forever, so that we don’t care about the massive amount of wealth
we so quickly turn over to denude, deminish and disgrace ourselves. While our young black men get re-enslaved in jails for frivilous reasons, because black communities do not have enough money to pay enough good lawyers to change the racist laws that blatantly re-enslaves them at the most critical stage of their lives. And black women are all happily complaining about racism against us, with their super expensive hair-dos.

STACY says:

September 22, 2009 at 9:02 am

My current girlfriend is the only black woman I’ve ever known who lets me put my hands in her hair. Granted, she doesn’t like me to see it after she’s washed it and hasn’t “done it” yet but I love the tactile sensation of it! It’s not like anything I’ve ever known and can’t get enough. She is not comfortable with it but I love the way it feels BEFORE she “does it”.
I’m sure I’m not the only man of any color who appreciates such things.

Rhue b says:

September 22, 2009 at 9:59 am

I have naturally curly hair and my bf is blk/white and he doesn’t really like it when I wear my hair picked out or blown out. He prefers me to wear my hair straight or curly. It kind of annoys me but I don’t blow out my hair for him, I do it b/c sometimes I want really big diva hair. I get different reactions depending on the state of my natural hair:

1. FULL BLOWN FRO: I get more compliments from older people every race 40+ not that young people don’t compliment me but I just get it more from older people. I get described as unique and different. :)
2. NATURAL CURLY WASH N GO: young BW and mixed guys love it/ this is when I get the most “pretty hair” compliments and “what are you mixed with?”.
3. STRAIGHT: young BM tell me how beautiful I am when my hair is in this state
4. DOUBLE STAND TWIST: mostly BW of all ages and WM of all ages think it looks cool. I had a white guy w/ dreds tell me I need to let them lock. lol

I think younger BM are brainwashed 2 believe that
Afros= nappy and bad lol and
straight hair= good and pretty.
I don’t get angry w/ their ignorance.. how could I? MVideos, models and movie stars mostly have processed hair….

I personally don’t think whites appreciate natural hair more, I feel whites like it b/c its different and unique. So they become excited when they see it. My sister’s husband is white and he prefers her hair natural. He hates when she straightens it. So really it just depends….

1 more thing I really hate when people (every race except my bf) touch my hair w/o permission, I feel like a zoo exhibit. (It has happens all of time!!!!)

M says:

September 22, 2009 at 9:58 pm

My late husband who was white, loved my natural hair. My family, who are Southern,are typical hypocrites who love light skin and straight hair but don’t approve of how you get it(mixing with white), and they didn’t approve of my hair. I’ve always been the black sheep-no pun intended. Now I have dreads and black people have reacted more negatively than white. It’s because when you are black without apology it threatens those who are trying to live for the approval of white America. I also think it’s true that some people think that women with dreads are gay, that’s why I’m growing mine out longer and dressing more femininely.

Toya says:

September 23, 2009 at 11:07 pm

Who cares what white men like? Why are some black people caring or noticing if white people like our natural hair. I know i don’t give a damn. Nor do white men approach me. I live in Chicago, and I don’t get white men trying to talk to me because of my hair. Black men approach me, and it’s not because of my hair. My currently boyfriend and ex boyfriend liked me for me, and not because of my hair. They are both black men at that. Also don’t think that there are black men who don’t appreciate natural hair, a lot of them do, or a lot of them really don’t care whether your hair is natural or not, so stop thinking that they don’t….or move to another city.

Terri says:

October 6, 2009 at 12:50 pm

As time goes on Black Women will see that White guys appreciate you more than Black guys period..Black Men ultimately are turning out to be the worst enemy that we can have because it seems they are only around to criticize, demean and belittle Black Women at every turn. Of course there are going to be Black men like ”joe” in here to do everything they can to stop Black Women from seeing what the Black Man really is and how much hatred they really have toward us as black Women. Black Men like ”joe” are trying with all their being not to let us see that White ..Latino and sometimes Asian Men are more supportive and loving than they can ever be. It is what it is and today’s Black Man fails when it comes to loving and appreciating Black Women and it’s time Black Women move on without them.

John says:

October 23, 2009 at 2:51 am

I’m white and have dated black women for five years. I’ve always been attracted to the natural hair that many black women have. For those who say it’s a “fetish” (for white men to be attracted to black women’s hair), and think that it’s a “slave fetish,” let me ask you this: is it a “fetish” for a black man to be attracted to a white woman’s blue eyes (or for black women to be attracted to white men’s)? No one would say that. Natural hair is beautiful. It’s soft, frizzy & curly. I used to think that other white’s would be attracted to permed/chemically straightened black hair (cause most white women have straighter hair). I was surprised to learn that MOST white men, in GENERAL are attracted to natural hair. There is something within us that is attracted to it. Maybe it’s just different to us? Unfamiliarity can breed “exoticism.” I dunno. Then again, white women seem to think it’s pretty too (or so my black gf says).

I will say that I’m not attracted to afros (especially when they are like a big circle), but I don’t like big hair in general (I remember “mall hair” that white chicks sported in the 80’s…yuck!). Poofy blow outs, microbraids, pressed, dreds, twist outs, etc. arw all attractice to me . It also adds to the thrill of kissing a nice set of soft chocolate lips :). God gave you that curly hair for a reason. Trust me, You look great with it.

I think one of the reasons I was SO attracted to natural hair (as well), is that black girls (when I was a kid..in the early to mid 80’s) were STILL sporting the natural hair. I guess it was a holdover from the 70’s “blacK is beautiful” philosophy. I remember the black girls in my grade school coming to class with frizzy pig tails tied up with yarn. (Which was cute to my young eyes even then). It seems now in our “we all have to look perfect according to celebrity culture,” natural hair is considered “nappy” & unattractive to a lot of people. It’s just as bad with white culture (getting plastic surgery to change little “flaws” that they don’t like, and severely altering themselves so they don’t even look like themselves…a SIN). Asian girls getting their eye lids s rounded to look “European” (another sin). God forbid anyone have natural, unadulterated beauty.

Well, that’s my 2 cents (for what it’s worth). Just remeber ladies, that beauty IS beauty; be it black, white or otherwise. Men are attracted to beauty. We aren’t all necessarily chasing the “perfect white look” (aka heroin-skinny girls, blue eyes, blond hair etc). This goes for WHITE MEN as well. We also don’t judge black women based on Euro standards. I mean, if you’re not white, then we will (obviously) compare your looks to what is beautiful in your own group/race.

Either way, black women, just remember…you are beautiful as you are. You make our hearts race too..

I See U says:

November 16, 2009 at 1:19 pm

If you haven’ t notice it yet, keisha and terri have implants in their heads, by their kkk masters who send them on blogs to demonize black men.