Get Off That Wheel
By a show of hands, who has thought or uttered the words, “I am not where I imagined myself to be at (enter whatever age you are right now)” Hmmmm, ok, pretty much the whole room. As we all know and are familiar with the “midlife crisis”, have any of you all stopped and considered the “mid/late twenties crisis? I’ve spoken to many older people who have looked at me like I was crazy when I suggested that living and going through your glorious, carefree twenties could be anything less than a cupcake walk through a park filled with puppies and daffodils, but it’s not for many of us. Yes we are having fun, experimenting with who we are, meeting new people and even figuring out who we are not, but there are still those dark moments of doubt and fear. Ok, so maybe we aren’t out there buying Harley Davidson’s and letting our one piece of hair we are desperately holding onto blow in the wind, or sneaking into our teenager’s playlist titled “Dirty Dirty Moufs From The Souf” and putting it in our iPod, but in your twenties you’re dealing with different issues. As opposed to saying, “man, this is all I’ve done with my life so far” we are saying “man, what am I going to do next with my life?” Some may feel that the two can’t compare, but according to studies, books, television shows and even therapists coining the term “Quarterlife Crisis” or QLC, it is a part of reality for many.
Whether it’s finding a job, trying to escape from your current job, or not knowing what you even want your job to be, the Quarterlife Crisis can take its toll on anyone, and it doesn’t stop there, if we want to make ourselves an even bigger train wreck, we then throw marriage, children and the want or need to be wealthy and or famous into the equation, and want it all by the time we hit our 30th birthday, it can be too much for one person to handle.
Should we beat ourselves up for having these thoughts? Or can we place a little of the blame on society for sometimes making us feel as though we should be 21 year-old millionaires before we even step foot off of our college campuses? Either way, what we are looking for is solutions to these issues, and sometimes it takes soul searching and a little research to figure out what we really want to do with our lives. A friend of mine who is a successful entrepreneur always tells me “when you do what you’re passionate about, it doesn’t feel like work.” Ok, now how do we go about figuring out what we’re passionate about? When I left my Corporate America job at a network I had been at for two years, I asked myself “what do I want now?” And once the voices of those telling me how much of an idiot I was for leaving my job with no backup plan faded, I really had the chance to ask myself some key questions. What do I love to do? What am I good at? What do others admire about me? I hit rock bottom when I realized I was beyond burned-out and I knew that being in a cubicle and asking for a Friday off every other month with my fingers crossed could not be my lifestyle anymore. I didn’t want the corner office, or my boss’ job, so I knew I was just sticking around like a gerbil on its wheel waiting for that tasty morsel of an opportunity that would hopefully make me happy. I stayed around long enough to use my health insurance (sad, I know, but I desperately needed a root canal) and then I had to get my life back.
In Michelle Goodman’s “The Anti 9 to 5 Guide: Practical Career Advice for Women Who Think Outside the Cube,” Goodman offers advice and suggestions for breaking into one’s dream field, combining full-time and part-time gigs, working at home, and being in charge of one’s own scheduling and leisure. In the book Goodman discusses figuring out what your passion is, being your own boss and taking jobs just to learn new things. “When trying to figure out your next career move, dabbling is the name of the game. Many entrepreneurs I talked to said they considered their past 9-to-5 jobs “school,” taking gigs that teach you new skills or introduce you to people you want to meet is like getting paid to get an education.” Another thing to consider, when we tell ourselves that we want our own businesses and to be our own boss’, we need to ask ourselves “do I really want the responsibility of owning my own business or do I just crave and seek the freedom that comes with being an entrepreneur?”
I took a vow that I would try everything that I had an interest in, because to be perfectly honest, everyone may not have a passion or know how to tap into it just yet, but we can at least figure out what we are interested in. And I’m happy to say that six months later, I have taken salsa lessons, African dance, visited museums, belly danced, joined a gym, read, taught a creative writing class, went to concerts in the park, FINALLY started decorating my apartment, worked with children, interned at a Jamaican restaurant, got back to my love of writing, tried new recipes and in two weeks I will be traveling to Japan, gasp! And I’m just getting started. Have I figured out my passion? Not quite, but I realized that I don’t need to do just one single thing my whole life. I never read any rule that said whatever your first career move is will also be the same one you retire from, I will continue to evolve, love myself and the life I was given, the career of my dreams, that will just have to come in due time.
Thanks for writing about this…I’m 22 and I’m still figuring what I’m good at. I have hope that I will find it one day.
Thanks! Have fun in Japan!
Raises hand!…
I am still on my journey to discovering my true passion. Like yourself I am allowing myself to indulge in different things until I am able to know what I am truly good at and and more importantly happy doing. Great article! :)
I am 25 and my friends and I constantly talk about the quarterlife crisis. I’ll decorate my apartment one day as well :) Thanks for the book suggestion!
I have just turned 25 and I have been telling all my friends and family that I am havin CLC and noone paid attention! Lol! But I am so glad that I am not the only one who feels this way. Thanks so much! Great advice.
Amazing article. You touch on everything that me and all my friends are currently going through.
WOW! There’s a “quarter life crisis”? That would explain the state that I’m in! OMG! I’m 24 and I feel like I just entered the world! I feel so much better knowing that I’m not alone and the fact that there’s a term for it, icing on the cake!!!
I’m glad you are enjoying yourself and trying new things. We spend way too many hours a day at work, especially living in NY, to not be happy with our work environment. Sometimes the problem isn’t even being unsure of your interests but having so many you don’t know how to work them all into your career. I have gray hair and I’m only 25!
This is a great article- it is COMPLETELY describing my life right now. At the age of 23 I’m caught between continuing in the ‘rat race’ that is corporate America, going to cosmetology school, starting a scrapbook business, and traveling the world lol. Thinking about all the possibilities gets overwhelming sometimes, good to see that other ppl are going through too.
We’ve all been there and anyone who denies it, is a bold-face lie. I used to struggle with this about two years ago. After making some needed changes, becoming a bit more active with my craft, and taking on more responsibility, I can safely say I’m now in a position that suits me best with myself. I still have thoughts of “If I would have done this, I would be *here* by now,” but I know it takes me being totally focused to get there. Yeah, these 20’s will kick your behind if you let it. Great article.
I know this all too well. To anyone experiencing this, just know it’s gonna to break. Thanks for the article Miss Gray.
Ganeka you got skills little sister. Or should I say big sister? Or should I just say SISTA? lol. Outstanding article. I like how you painted a picture of what us mid 20’s kids are going through. Keep it up!!
OMG..i felt like you were telling my life story(at this age) along with thousands of other young women ( as I read some of the other commentaries)…you and I need to talk ASAP!! lol.again, great article and Congrats!!…
you know, i have been going thru this these past few weeks…almost to the point of depression. i’m 25 years old. i recently left what i thought was my dream job (in professional sports entertainment) because, despite all my hard work and love for the company, i kept hitting the glass ceiling. now, i am in a new city and working in the aviation industry which i have no interest in because it pays great money — i’m trying to finish my masters and get some undergrad debt paid off. AND i feel like i’ve failed sometimes. this is NOT what i wanted to be doing at this point. it’s good to know that it is pretty normal to have these feelings. i can channel all of this frustration into finding what i want and need in life!
Thank you so much for all the comments everyone, it was easy for me to write about this because I myself constantly feel as though I’m running through a maze and don’t know what I want career-wise. I really just want everyone to know that you are not alone and you just need to be confident in yourself and have faith that you will find what you need, look within yourself and be patient. Thanks again everybody!
Yikes! more than half of my blog seems to touch on these things in one way or another. I started going through it 25 but when I got to 30 I was just like…effitt - I’m gonna do me. We seem to have a pretty good idea about ourselves and what we’d like to share with the world around 30 or so. Great read! thnx -black girl.
Ganeka! This is such a home hitting article, I too began to unlock the door to experiencing more than just one career. And I also have been taking samba lessons and other fun things that stretch your world perspective.
Thanks for the encourgament!
I find myself in this same situation–trying to make since of where I am today and getting made at myself for not being where I want to be be. Thinking like this is very static to one’s life and drains everything out of you. I thank you for this article because sometimes you just need to know that someone else felt the same as you. After I post this comment I will be googling for some class to take. I have been putting yoga and this photography class on hold, but I’m going to take a chance and do something different.
Great article!! I’ll be 30 in less than six weeks and I’ve been going through a crisis since I can remember! I’ve been in/out of jobs, taking jobs to learn something new, getting laid off, you name it. I branched into doing makeup cuz I honestly do love it, but I think I over analyze things rather than just jumping in, doing it and not thinking too hard about it all. I’m gonna be alright! Just like you said you don’t have to do one thing your entire life and retire from it. Life is about enjoying the journey and taking risks. Afterall, when we reflect on our lives..I know I feel like ok I’m glad I did rather than I wish I had of. Oh, I will definitely be purchasing that book! Thanks again!!
This is a great article. Being in my late 20’s now also the youngest in the fam. and the first to graduate from a four year college, It was very difficult to follow my career path. I majored in Fashion Merchandising and living in a city that’s not the popular major cities where fashion rules. I had to substitute my passion for fashion into a job. After about a year and half of rejection letters and phone calls of sorry but the position has been filled. I finally found a full-time job, with all the benefits. But, not in fashion or anything creative.
Its the 9-5. Corporate. Monday-Friday. Humm Drumm.and definetely not the career path I want to go. Don’t get me wrong in this day and age I thank God for the job. But, I want my passion and talents back.
In the midst of all the 20 something fears of ” not being able to’s and what if’s” somewhere I had lost my passion. Trying to find a job in my field and with the constent let downs bruised my self esteem and ego. When I do find the time to dabble in my work , I absolutely love it. This article is motivator. I am going to have to purchase that book. Thanks again for sharing. After reading the comments I am glad I am not alone on the search to self discovery and finding my passion.
My last day at the gig I’ve had for about two years is tomorrow, and Tuesday is my first official day as a full-time freelance writer. I really doubted my decision for a while, but I realize it’s important for me to take this leap, and while I’m at it explore all the things I’ve wanted to do but haven’t had the time to. It’s scary leaving a nine-to-five and benefits and (perceived) security behind, but it was something I had to do for me. It’s one of those things I think will help me to clarify my purpose in many ways.
And sure, I get those ‘I-should-be-making-x-amount-of-money-and-have-x-number-of-accomplishments-by-x-years-old’ thoughts all the time, but those are the thoughts that paralyze me and keep me from taking any action at all. Ultimately, I I’ll get to where I’d like to through work, patience, and kindness toward myself. I have to remember that it isn’t about the accolades and the accomplishments. It’s about the journey and as long as we have a blast on the way, that’s all we can ask for.
Thanks for this article ’cause it really hit the nail on the head of the issues that I’m going through at this very moment. I just decided to take a break from my professional course ’cause I want to make sure that it’s what I really want to do. I just don’t want any more regrets in my life and I’m only 24. Jeez at least now I know what to call my condition lol
great article Ganeka, im so glad that you decided to write this. i believe that no one knew exactly what it was that people in their 20’s are going through. i hella feel you on this one lol
love you!