“We’re all broken, just in different ways, & this is how we ment./ To care for the one who seeks to tear you down,/ to offer honest heartfelt prayers/ for the one who longs for your destruction/ to ask with all your being that they be blessed by the Great Oneness,/ & to know in the end that though they wounded you so deep/ that Love won’t then come & fill that wound/ with an overwhelming capacity for transformation of pan into beauty.” ~ Dreaming Bear (from “Dreaming-Bear Speaks”)

Question; what do you gain by being mean, nasty or jealous? Is it an instinct or is it a strategy?

Why the excessive use of profanity though?

I think the black community is a bunch of paranoid people. We are the only one’s who talk about someone ‘hating’. Don’t get me wrong, there are people out there you don’t want to see you happy. Shhoo, homeless people get the same type of treatment. But to victimize yourself to say that everyone is hating on you? Com’mon.

I think it is what people who don’t like to be rejected tell themselves to make them feel better.

And people always say with a ‘cry me a river song’ oh, they hated on me because I was,’pretty, or, ‘had money’, but when so called ‘ugly’ people get talked about, then it is justified. Oh, so now they are not the one’s being hated on.

The world isn’t perfect, adjust and move on. No one has a cake-walk in the park!

Anyway, I love your pieces. It’s like I can hear your voice as I read each line and ad libs in parentheses. You need a radio show or something! :-)

I was once naïve and idealistic and became horrified that women of color would do this to one another but there are tons of secure, well-adjusted, supportive and kind females in this world. I agree with the author about reaching out to other loving people and I learned that there is no need to waste time on haters b/c THEIR BATTLES ARE REALLY AND TRULY WITH THEMSELVES. I have several black American girlfriends as well as those of various other races and ethnicities. I know girls of all ethnicities can be hateful and endlessly shit-starting, and I am not generalizing or saying one defines all, but in my experience black American females (particularly those from lower economic classes) ARE THE WORST. Many of them are cowardly in that they can’t operate alone and love to gather their girls before ganging-up and their jealousy, gossiping, ugliness and mean ways are over the top and intensifies their unattractiveness. And unfortunately all of my black American girlfriends (who are NOT self-hating in the least) have had the same experiences and feel the same.

Once at a party this ‘hater’ decided to walk up to me and my groups of peeps then give her unsolicited opinion that b/c she and her co-goons all disliked me, then obviously the problem was moi as the common denominator. I’d seen them around but didn’t know this girl or her monkey-ass friends from a can of paint. Putting their greasy hands on me was not an option and they knew better that this was NOT that kind of party. So I told ‘hater’ and her co-goons, who thought I’d be scared or intimated b/c they were all coming at me at the same time, that the common denominator was the insecurity trait they all shared since misery loves company and that if I was ugly, fat, BDB-headed and walking around looking like a clown with fake hair attached to my scalp I’d hate me too.

Was I proud of saying that and other mean retorts that have come out my mouth?

No! They got laughed at and it sent them back to their cages or on their merry monkey way, but not at all. I was not raised to be cruel and trying to hurt someone by hurling ugly words to their faces FOR NO REASON is simply mean and the height of insecurity is putting someone else down to elevate one’s self. But I am human and at times get fed up, react and return a taste of their own medicine even though it puts a sick feeling in my stomach whenever I do that.

Something has got to be going on and a female has got to be hurting inside to be such a bully or so mean, judgmental and cruel to chicks who’ve done nothing to them. I really really really don’t want to add to their or anyone’s unhappiness but I get torn because I refuse to take anybody’s unsolicited shit.

Not to mention,EVERYONE is not going to like what you do,say,look like,have…period. I didn’t say jealousy doesn’t exist.Everyone has had someone be jealous of them,you don’t need to be the prettiest girl or have a lot of money to experience this. I don’t understand why people see this as a flattery. I want people to be positive towards me,if they aren’t it’s their problem. Hating has NOTHING to do you the target and all to do with the person throwing the darts.