Love Connection: Tyra Banks and Kanye West

Tyra Banks is a beautiful, powerful, levelheaded business woman and TV Mogul. Kanye’ West is a flashy, eccentric, intellectual, music impresario. They’re both working their way up the ladder of entertainment success, but they’re easily eclipsed by their many differences. Tyra is cheap when it comes to spending money, and when it comes to Kanye’ West, sky’s the limit. But the heart isn’t as observant when you’re already in love.

Love, is most definitely a many splendored thing, but so is matchmaking and heartbreaking in the world of mis-compatibility. “It ain’t fiction, just a natural fact… opposites attract.” There’s always a hidden love that rests in the arms of the extremely unlikely.

So… This is a possibility that resides at the intersection of the infamous “42nd Street and Happenstance.”

Ruby Red Sneakers.
Over burdened by the price tags that loomed over the many collections that were showcased during New York Fashion Week, Tyra Banks swept through the crowd of mesmerized observers to make a break for the empty bargains aisles at Saks 5th Avenue. Usually known for her agility and honing runway skills quite like the infamous Miss Jay, she somehow managed to lose her footing in her Christian Louboutin suede boots, and melded her security with the embarrassment that met her on the floor.

It was a graceful fall, no doubt a perfect ten. But apart from graciously kneeling to the floors proclaimed victory, she was now surrounded by the flashing lights of a hundred paparazzi cameras. The array of bulbs flickering in her face were coupled by the snickers from a sea of bystanders who had turned their gaze to meet the abrupt commotion that had interrupted their fashion show.

Shaken by her clumsiness and retreating into a shell of doubt and hesitation, she gathered her thoughts on the floor before she embarked upon the journey to regain her proper composure. When she looked into the sneering crowd, all she could see in front of her were two shiny ruby red sneakers…

“Dorothy?” She uttered, shaking her head at the ridiculous idea.

“Bow in the presence of greatness,” the man spoke as his fingers interlocked around her hand to help her up.

“I’m sorry Kanye’ West. I must’ve hit my head when I fell.” She said finally realizing who he was behind his lime green jacket and yellow and black striped jeans.

“Flashing Lights…” he corrected her. She scratched her head at his response trying to figure out why he was speaking in song lyrics, and then nodded as she remembered the camera’s documenting her moment of shame.

“Thanks for helping me up Ye’ to the,” She said, “That’s was nice. I owe you one. Let me know if there’s anything I can do to repay you for the favor of being my helping hand this afternoon.”

“Let’s get lost tonight, you can be my black Kate Moss tonight. Play secretary, I’m the boss tonight,” he replied, kissing her hand as he walked her through the crowd of people.

“You know, I’m flattered, but I’m Tyra Banks,” she reminded him, “I don’t really need to play a black Kate Moss, I’ve made quite a name for myself in the same field, I’ll have you know. If you aren’t aware, let me enlighten you. I’m the first African American model to grace the cover of GQ, Sports Illustrated and Victoria Secret. I also have a talk show, a popular TV show I’m sure you’ve heard of called America’s Next Top Model, and I even have a song that created a small stir in the club scene called “Shake Ya Body.”

He didn’t budge an inch as she ran off her list of amazing accomplishments. He just paused in time to look her up and down. Never changing the blank expression on his face he finally stated, “I’m going to be bigger than Elvis.”

“Well… then we should have coffee,” she smiled as she batted her eyes at him. “ We have a lot in common. I’m going to be bigger than Oprah.”

Finally cracking a smile, he pulled her body in closer, and together hand in hand they eased on down through the doors towards the road of possibility.

The Take Over.
Always striking out in the love department, but finally able to meet the call of her hearts desire, she kneeled to its mercy and chose to let love in. She took a chance on the unlikely and quickly became “Mrs. Kanye’ to the…”

They were an unlikely pair, but were both determined to be the greatest in every field of entertainment. They became the newest power couple to send an earthquake through the playing fields of young Hollywood. Even at the early stages of their puppy love partnership, they were already surpassing the popularity of Brad and Angelina, Will and Jada or even Tom and Katie.

Both, always affixed on the next best thing, they put their minds together to determine the perfect course of action to shatter the doors of Universe City. Tyra took her talk show to late night television, and quickly garnered the ratings popularity, putting both Jay Leno and David Letterman out of a job soon after. She then started a clothing company called Cheap Chic, putting her best friends clothing lines Baby Phat and House of Deréon quickly off the market.

Kanye’ bought Death Row Records giving the gangsta rap label a new futuristic/techno sound coining new hits like “Thug Spaceship” and the “Ghetto Robot.” With the money he made from such a genius venture, he swallowed Def Jam, Jive, and Sony Records and somehow was able to convince all the artists under his labels to make the last track on every one of their albums, include a duet with Tyra Banks in order to reprise her singing career. After that he bought the rights to the Vocoder Box, quickly putting T-Pain and several of his competition out of business.

Even though the two were connecting through their need to climb higher, the closer Kanye grew to Tyra, the more his health was becoming an issue.

Having had clear skin his entire life, somehow in his 30’s he was now riddled with severe acne or what the dermatologist suggested was Adult Onset Cystic Acne, the cause still being unknown.

The Emergence of Dr. Evil.
“Come on baby, come get some breakfast before you go to your ProActiv Solution Infomercial spot, you don’t want to be late.” Tyra yelled from the kitchen.

“I bought the company last night, I got time. I’m making up the bed.” He yelled.

A few seconds passed by, and then a scream came from the bedroom, which was quickly followed by…

“Tyra, I need to speak to you,” Kanye screeched. “Now.”

As Tyra sauntered towards the room, already estimating an attack, she tried to keep her emotions in check in order to give him a fair chance to talk. When she came around the corner, he was scratching his acne with one hand and holding up the pillowcase with the other.

“Martha Stewart Living?” he cried as he threw down the pillowcase. “ I exclusively sleep on Egyptian Silk, I know I told you that.”

“I know baby, but they were on sale at K-mart, and I didn’t think you would really notice the difference,” she murmured, “Let alone ever make up the bed.”

“K-mart? Welcome to the Goodlife! Now I, I go for mine, I got to shine…” he started muttering.

Tyra threw her hands up in the sky and walked out of the room.

“I need a drink baby, can you get me one. I feel so… weak now.” Kanye’ hollered from the bedroom. “Cristal, please.”

Tyra walked into kitchen and realized it had been a while since she had spent money on that expensive drink, so she reached high onto the top shelf where Kanye never looked. She pulled down a bottle of Wild Irish Rose and began pouring its contents into the empty Cristal bottle he had left in the fridge. She had been doing it for so long, she began to think Kanye’ could no longer tell the difference between cheap wine and expensive champagne.

Interrupted by an angry Kanye’ who was now standing in the kitchen doorway watching her every move, she stopped what she was doing and tried to hide the Wild Irish Rose bottle behind her back hoping that Kanye hadn’t really seen it.

“How could you be so Dr. Evil…”Kanye’ screamed as he walked into the room holding up her Louis Vuitton purse and exposing a label that simple said ‘Made in Minnesota.’

Before Tyra could defend herself about her Canal Street Louis V, he caught onto what she was doing with the Champagne bottle and ran over and grabbed the Wild Irish Rose out of her hand.

“How could you be so heartless.” He cried as his knees weakened and he dropped to the ground.

Tyra was not able to get a word out to save her relationship, because in a matter of seconds, The Louis Vuitton Don had passed out on the kitchen floor clutching a fake purse and a bottle of cheap wine in the other hand with a Martha Stewart Pillowcase tucked under his arm.

After long, the EMT’s were there to carry Kanye’ out on a stretcher and he asked that Tyra not be allowed in the hospital. In a matter of hours just from being away from the house his skin cleared up and he became instantly better. The doctor finally had a diagnosis, he’s allergic to anything cheap, and Tyra just can’t resist a great bargain.

But that’s how it is on 42nd Street and Happenstance…