Love in Black and White
A couple casually strolls between a small circle of onlookers standing in a line, not aware of the eyes gazing in their direction with questionable stares. The couple takes a place at the end of the line, remaining engulfed in their own conversation. He, a dark smooth skinned gentleman extends his oversized hand along the small area of his partners slightly bared back. Pulling her closer she smiles at this common touch. In return, she embraces him by cradling his clean shaven face into her porcelain palms. He smiles a bright smile and gazes into her ocean blue eyes, intertwining his mocha colored fingers into her yellow blonde hair. This couple sees no one other then themselves in the line, and on the street. This couple sees through loving eyes fixating their minds on being the only two people in the world. Facing each other, their profiles are connected with an imaginary bolt of electricity that resembles something out of a cartoon, and still they stand alone. Her pointed nose sits above a small slit that opens softly forming the words “I love you”. He leans in close covering her lips with two parallel lumps of soft chocolate tissue, then retracting to his original stance maintaining the emotional gaze into her eyes. As the line slowly inches toward the front door, the couple continues to embrace each other while the crowd begins to comment about the innocent display. “Can’t they do that at home?” “They are so cute.” “What are they trying to do?” “They seem so in love.” “Why can’t they just go somewhere else with all that?” “I wish they’d leave our men alone.” “They must really love each other.” “They probably have beautiful children.” “Why can’t they stay with their own kinds? We’d all be better off.”
Although this situation is completely fictional, these similar actions are all too common in today’s American society. Residing in a country built on a belief that we are “one nation under God” and that indivisibility makes all men equal seems only to be a contradicting idea that subconsciously sways our livelihood in one direction and our hearts in another. The United States is truly states united, however, this unity is only a view from a two way mirror supporting togetherness when necessary but also cushioning a segregated environment where interracial relationships are subliminally opposed.
The United States has acquired the name of the world’s ‘Melting Pot’ for the extension of our arms to the hungry, tired, weak, old, saying with confidence, “You are welcome”, but is this country living up to that philosophy we’ve so greatly adopted? United, yes accepting nationalities from far and abroad, but blacks and whites alike subconsciously live culturally and emotionally segregated.
Although we have the choice to live in a non-segregated society, when love is explored, Black and White find it more applicable to share this experience with other nationalities and stand contorted to love each other. Are we Americans truly comfortable with a pro-choice lifestyle including intimate relationships or have black Americans and white Americans set a new type of subconscious segregation?
Racial socialization has far exceeded the boundaries we once stood behind. We now can eat, sleep, walk, dance, talk amongst each other without the fear of ridicule. We see interracial couples ranging from white and Asian, black and Hispanic, Asian and Hispanic and many more however the black and white combination is still taboo. The union of a Black man and White woman receives many comments and questions before being granted the acceptance of the people and only if thier reasoning behind the union is seen as valid.
We plague our minds with myths of why blacks and whites love each other. We’d rather condemn a love movement rather than praise two people, who happens to be opposite in color, for the willingness to begin a new way of living. Projecting hatred verbally with comments such as, ‘Black men want white women because they are submissive.’ ‘Black women want white men for their money.’ ‘White men and women only like sex with black people.’ As silly as it may sound the words are spoken more often in situations as in the scenario described earlier. I’ve fallen victim to it, but does my opinion matter? Hell no. Even though my frustration with the homicide plague of young black men before they turn twenty-six and 37% of Black men in prison has altered my dream of marrying a “Brotha”; bottom line it’s that couple’s choice to unite and none of my business.
The belief of unity has been turned into a false lingering idea of a corrupted avenue of social justification to not accept the choice to love. Is this a fear of dilution and a sense of extinction of heritage that is causing this festering disease of racism? Are we honestly close minded to benefits of cultural expansion limiting our understandings of one’s way of thinking and living and later to condemn them? No matter how trumultuos our history is, we must accept the fact that we are apart of each other’s history; both black and white. We are as one people and we are connected through life. We have the choice to be one race, the human race and until we as individuals define the true meaning of equality, we will remain together standing separate.
“soft chocolate tissue?”
I pretty much could not read past that. I actually thought this was going to be one of those “worst sex scene in a book” story.
Since I am a black woman married to a Sicilian I did finish reading and although nothing new has really been said, I do appreciate you keeping this issue out there.
This article sucked. The subject matter is played out and what was your point exactly? Your use of linguistics reminded me of a college student who purchased their first dictionary and vowed to use every word in a sentence. People don’t care about interracial relationships amongst people who love each other. However, people do care about the social curiousity and the “flaunt’ factor that certain groups display. It is both obnoxious and as annoying as this article.
Tiff Sharpe
I agree. I am SO tired of articles about interracial couples. People fall in love with who they vibe with, regardless of color. There are those who place a premium on a potential partner’s race, but they should be explored in a psychology article dealing with pathologies rather than in social commentary.
Well, although I do agree with Lisa. I can pass on interracial couples articles. This one is more of a question of the topic itself. A bit scattered and lacks depth however the point could be based on as she said frustration. Especially with the killings of “young black men before they turn twenty-six and 37% of Black men in prison” on top of black men dating outside races because of status quo or whatever, it is something some black women may still have an issue with. Tiff Sharpe - your comments read personal. (jmo)
Just seems like you should have addressed the REAL problems. Black men/White women interracial relationships are far less a reflection of progression than Black women/White men. Black women practice endogamy at extremely high rates, while Black men are plagued with ideals of White hierarchy beauty. A premiere scholar, Patricia Hill Collins said in Black Sexual Politics that it is more progressive and ‘radical’ and even harder for a Black man to fall in love with a Black woman and all her naturalness. Now that should be addressed/
“Are we honestly close minded to benefits of cultural expansion limiting our understandings of one’s way of thinking and living and later to condemn them? No matter how trumultuos our history is, we must accept the fact that we are apart of each other’s history; both black and white. We are as one people and we are connected through life.”
Is this the part where we sing, “Kumbyah” and hold hands? Someone has to work to preserve the black family and our culture.
i am 16 years old and even i thought that the article was a bit drab. i see what you are trying to say but i think it should have been in a different area of the this same topic like what tj said cause to be honest with you people are starting to accept and get over the fact that interracial relationships are becoming very common, particularly with blacks and whites. and there ARE the deeper questions you could have covered such as:
-why are more and more of any race being drawn off from starting a relationship with the same race.
-will there become a point in our future, that because of interracial relationships there will be none of one whole race.
-and,even with there being interracial relationships will there ever be a point in our future that all races will come to a nirvana and accept each other.
I’m not a big fan of interracial dating or mating because i prefer my own Black beautiful people
It seems most of the interracial couples I have met are together for all the wrong reasons like hooking
up to make pretty, mixed-up children, sexual curiosity, revenge to get back family telling
them not to date or mix outside of their race, or to show off like a trophy and i could go on.
There seems to be a pull to especially keep Black people from loving our own. To keep Black people
separated, divided, hating on each other, betraying each other and to keep us from building strong
relationships with each other. The Black race needs to learn of each other, love and adore our own.
Build power relationships with each other in love, work, art, music, finance, spiritual, sexual, emotional
and every other way to build up and enrich our Black communities.
Seems like everytime I turn around there is an onslaught of interracial couples on movies, t.v. programs, books and other forms of entertainment. It seems to be a taboo or something evil if Black people are shown
loving and working with our own. If there’s a so called Black t.v. show or movie, there’s always the token
white neighbors or the goofy white student, or the token white hair dressers in our Black beauty shops,
(I have never seen that in real life) or the token white barber in the hood. It really turns me off.
I think Black on Black love is the Best.
Holding on to our Black African Roots.
That’s what I can relate to.
Other races of people are cool but I’m just saying… Black is Beautiful and I’m Black and I’m Proud.
No body understands me, a strong, beautiful Black Woman, like a strong ,beautiful Black Man.
One Love…Black Beautiful Love.
Ok I’m late reading this…. What the heck is” soft chocolate tissue” You have got to be kidding me. This article makes to many reference to skin color and race… his chocolate hand intertwines will her gold blond hair? Come on, I my self am a equal opportunity lover so I know a thing or two . I think Zane could have written this article better and she did just that in her Caramel Seduction Book ( hope I’m right on the title name please correct me if I’m wrong).
I Love all Peoples
“I discriminate I regulate every shade of that!”
quote by Big Pun–
Black Women:
1)Do you notice that when a black man is with a white women he often doesn’t look you at you? It’s like we don’t exist. It’s like we’re being erased from their minds.
2) When he does, the look usually isn’t a good one.
3) The white women however, often makes a point to walk right in front of you. Past you and look you right in your eye.
4) The white women and every other race of women KNOW that most black men will choose a non-black women over their own reflected image.
5) The rates of black men doing this as compared to any other race is far greater.
6) Why is cultural ‘evolution’ being equated with ‘moving on’ from our race and experiencing a ‘new’ type of love?
7) Is this cultural and emotional segregation between blacks and whites in any way connected to the economic and life chance/gap that REALLY exists between blacks and whites?
8) Why should I come to this site, which in my view is a celebration of black women, and see a post like this when I see it everywhere else all day every day?
9) How are relationships like this related to black women and skin bleaching?
10) Are we blaming black women for something again?
11) We have every RIGHT to be upset about and to voice our disdain about what we feel is our systematic annihilation.
We all know it and/or feel it.
If the situation was different and all races were exploring this interracial love thing at similar rates, under similar socio-economic, cultural and political playing fields then I would be all for it.
But that is not the case.
“My loyalty is to my womb” - Kola Boof
I appreciate how you made an effort to look at the big picture-and dismiss your feelings of hurt for being abandoned by black men. It takes a lot of woman to come to the conclusion that interracial dating is none of your business, but the fact of the matter is-if you are single then it is. Sadly enough we can’t get around it, even if we are trying to be the bigger person about it, it affects us. We think about it obsessively. When black men make it a point to exclusively date out of their race “for love” or whatever other reasons they have for NOT choosing us over women of other ethnicities it unfortunately does not work to our advantage. Celebration of life includes celebration of culture and within our culture I don’t see a strong enough celebration of our love in a general sense. Its hurtful to love our own and not be loved back. Every woman wants to be loved and black women are not privilaged as other women seem to be to have that love from black men because of this disparity…
I so completely agree with you tygris
the systematic annihilation of our Black people is
my greatest concern and most definitely it about the
socio-economics, deep cultural and political factors that
are used to divide us all especially Black people.
Integration has done more to hurt our Black race than
to help us unite on any serious level. The state of
the Black family, education, the highest prison incarceration
in history…a different version of slavery. I could go on but we
already know so many more problems I could name but
the absolute worse is how some of us (Black people)
hate ourselves…so deeply and the pain of this can not
be ignored…it’s killing us…it’s a different version of slavery.
Be Black and Be Proud
Stay Black, and keep Black love together.
I love all people but I love
my Black people absolutely the Best!
Black Power!
I am a bit late reading this article, but, I like the majority am still a bit confused by this article. What was the message? I don’t get it. Was there even a message?
This article needs to be edited. I get the sentiment but it should have been about BLACK WOMEN moving on. Yeah Black love is great, but seriously if we eliminated all the unsuitable Black men that leaves about 2%. So if you have to be with a Black man you might end up alone. It’s best to expand your viewpoint and discover that many men from diverse backgrounds actually find Black women precious, beautiful, worthy of love and will marry us. We’ve got to get out there and have a quality life.
I think people really need to get over the whole interracial thing. It’s quite pathetic that in the 21st century women still allow men to define them. It seems to me that the majority of women commenting here are upset because some men who they don’t know and would not necessarily even want to spend date chose to date someone who isn’t them. If I pass by and interracial couple and the brotha doesn’t look my way, GOOD!!! Why the hell should any man in a relationship be looking at someone who is not his girl?? I treat all couples the exact same way - they are none of my business. If you ladies would go out and be interesting and get over men who don’t want you, then I’m sure you’d be much happier and more satisfied with your lives!! Get over it.
I understand what you mean about the annihilation of the race, but think of it this way - ALL races are steadily being erased AND race is not that big of a deal anyway. CULTURE is what must be preserved and you can still do that with a partner from another race! There is nothing wrong with being interested in our own people, but likewise, if someone chooses to be with one form a different race, that’s one less dude for you to worry about!! It’s really THAT simple!! Move the hell on, there’s more where he came from and if they’re not interested, look elsewhere!! In fact, take a trip to AFRICA and find yourself a man and bring him back!! The brothas are over there in abundance, it’s all good!!
I do agree with heartsandflowers, it would have been more refreshing/less cliched if the article had been black woman/white man, because as you can see, black women seem to require permission from the media to expand their horizons. And speaking of the media, what we really, REALLY need are more honest and realistic representations of BLACK beauty. I do think it is rather pathetic that instead of women drawing strength from God and seeing themselves through HIS eyes, they look to men/media for validation, but hey, it is what it is. I think the media needs to be more responsible and honest - not only publicising obviously mixed women, but including more Serena Williams-type SISTERS!! Dark-skinned. Thick thighed!! I love me some Rihanna, but it would be nice to see more of Jill Marie Jones too!!
Anyway, people need to stop being so hateful and start running their own race. Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good. And get a life! :D
For someone who says to “get over” race and that race doesn’t matter
you sure had a lot to say about it, :D. God made all people and I understand this but,
I wouldn’t call it hatred or evil to love your own people best. That doesn’t
have to mean disliking other races of people and it doesn’t mean you
have to be restricted in dating/mating with other races of people but,
like many of our black sistas I prefer my own black race to stay within
and keep it strong and more pure. I agree with you, :D about using our
beautiful dark and lovely sistas…Jill Scott, India Arie, and the like.
I will add…the darker the better but I love my lighter skin sistas.
Much love black people.
Preach Faraja, I type long time, lol!! You should see my emails about nothing!!
Girl, I know what you mean, but what I mean by get over race is to get over hatin’ on people because of racial issues. Is it not a person’s right to make a choice? Is this not a free country? It is simply ridiculous and does no one any good! Life is too short for hatred/bitterness, and when we’re all dead and gone, what would it have been worth?
I understand about loving your own people best and I really respect that, but it shouldn’t get to the point where you’re offended and mad at people because they made a different choice.
Bottom line is this: the brothas are out having all the fun they want and the sistas are moping around, talking about how life’s not fair and hatin’ the chicks that the brothas are with!! It makes no sense. Go out and do your own thing!! Live your own life!! You only have one, don’t waste it on negative emotions!!
Man… I really need to stop typing :D. But one more thing - I love me some Jill Scott!!!
You know it’s not really about sisters hating, it’s just frustrating to be told over and over again “get over it! get out there and find a man in the park, home depot, the gym, in Africa (like it’s that simple)” why do we have to work 10 times harder?
I see both your points and agree that some sistas may be hating and wasting time like that D
but I think like CeeCee expressed it is very frustrating. We beautiful black sistas have a lot of healing
to do because the whole damn world dumps a lot of crap of us and gives us so little love in return,
it doesn’t seem like a lot to ask for a little love and understanding from our black brothas.
I think people have the right to love and be with whomever they wish no matter what color they are
but again I desire my own race of people and the diversity within our own people is so vast , you would
think we would never feel the need to go outside of our own people. There are many beautiful, wise and
deep loving sistas like you D, CeeCee and myself to keep many a brothas satisfied (LOL)when given the
chance, but the time is ticking away and we should not waste time being hateful and angry but, to get the
healing, understanding , love and as much satisfaction in life as possible where we can. Much love to
you beautiful black sistas and brothas out there.
I am against bros dating w women for status. A friend of mine is married to a white woman, and he often mentions her blonde hair and blue eyes. In his case, he got with her as a way to “get back at the white man”.
My way of getting back is to marry a black woman and build a solid black family.
Man there’s some strong feelings coming off these letters. I won’t bother commenting on the article. But I do have a message for the black women who wrote in upset over interracial relationships.
I know personal responsibility and self-esteem are at a low point for black men. I also understand that systemic racism and disproportionate justice has a lot of us behind bars. And there still exists very powerful interests that find creative ways to drive wedges between black men and women. So yeah, I get that it’s tough to find a black man. Hell, it’s tough to find a black woman too. Apparently we keep missing each other. I know that the historical separation from our homeland has caused immeasurable trauma. But we’re here now. I was born and raised in America and wouldn’t choose to have it any other way.
It doesn’t matter if black culture as you envision it survives. Ditto for white, Hispanic, and any other ethnicity. I’m not one to preach, but I don’t believe we were put on this planet to glorify ourselves nor our culture. Sooner or later it will all return to dust.
It’s 2008; we’re only slaves in our minds. Africa will always have a deep and spiritual meaning for all mankind. But it’s time to write a new story for the black man in America. It’s time to create a culture we can carry forward to our children regardless of what shade their skin or what color their eyes. I’m talking about a culture that relegates racial preference to the same level as “fries or onion rings?”
With that in mind, stop attributing self-hatred to every black man who dates/marries outside his race. It’s entirely possible to have preferences that aren’t determined or influenced by some deep-seated well of psychological angst. Stop assuming we don’t like or can’t handle strong, self-reliant women. Surely some men fit that demographic. But when you see that beat down look on a man’s face, or we lash out, stop, investigate. Like Wesley Snipes said, “I know we’ve all been hurt.”
That’s it. Keep searching for what you want from life and let other people make their own choices. Ultimately, they’re the ones that have to live with those decisions.
Ceecee, I feel you on that. Having to work so much harder - it’s just not fair (the Africa thing was a joke to illustrate many fish in the sea…). It IS frustrating. But our outlook on life has a lot to do with it. If we see ourselves as victims, we will continue to be victimized. People may put us down, but by the grace of God we will stand up again. Faraja just broke down what I was trying to say, we need to devote our time to healing by seeing ourselves through God’s eyes, to realising that if the Being who made the world could sacrifice His Son for us, then who cares if some man doesn’t want us?? The only One who matters does want us!!
Certainly if a man is gracious enough to tell me that he won’t date me because I’m black, I would be grateful. I wouldn’t want to waste a minute of my life on one who would not appreciate me, especially based on something that does not define me, so better I know where I stand sooner rather than later. Yes, it hurts, but pain is part of life. And pain will recede and eventually die if you let it.
Eric, thanks for the excellent post. I think the aim of this article was to discourage us from judging interracial couples based on our own preconceived notions. Unless it’s a pair you know personally and you know their motives, how can you know what brought any two people together? You can’t!! And like Eric said, they are the ones who have to live with their decisions. I pray that each of us, men and women alike, receives the healing we need. The past has been grim, but God can do so much better in our lives if we allow Him to.
And to close Today’s Sermon (sorry I really can’t help myself, my fingers won’t stop moving - I NEED HELP :D!!), I will say this - Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness; and all these things will be added to you (Matt 6:31-33). I pray I haven’t offended anyone, because that is not my aim. I just want us to be free and happy!! God have mercy on us all.
I just want to say that I’m proud of us for speaking what is on our hearts and I agree with everyone viewpoint
for the most part. I think that everyone here so far has spoken from their hearts and it’s a beautiful thing.
It’s a healing thing also. I love and appreciate the wisdom and intelligence from everyone of you.
D I love your sincerity and your wonderful frame of mind. You’re deep and giving in your wisdom and point
of view. I believe you come from a very good place and I would say to you don’t even doubt yourself in that
what you have shared here has been a treasure most valuable. Thanks to everyone. We are blessed to
have such a way of communication to express ourselves. Love to you all.
Black is Beautiful!
White people are so nasty and twisted in their ways
they are sleazy and think they are better than anyone
else, like the slutty paris hilton the no talented whore
the only thing she good at is screwing her dog
and video taping her nasty ass self screwing anything else.
I think white people are the most evil and nasty of all
other races of people so I am definitely against
interracial mixing with them. Do we black people not
have enough problems already in life? Why
make things worst than they need to be? I know people
will disagree with me and that’s fine. This is my own
opinion and we all have one.
I know people can pick who they want to be with
but race mixing with whites is just sickening to me.
Plus they have always hated us in general and that’s
something they have always been supreme at…Hatred and
destroying anything that would uplift black people.
White girls do anything for attention.
They will screw anything or anybody, animals
and even their own family members. They
have done nothing but cause damage and harm to most
every race of being on the planet.
I think that blacks who date white do it for status
and money for the most part. You all know it’s
true.
That girl (Paris Hilton) is a ugly, skinny slut with the body of a crackhead little boy
everything in flat on that ho. I’m a brotha that sticks with the sistas. I’ve never
dated outside my race and will never date anything but my fine, black queens.
Black women are the best and know how to handle themselves like nobody else and
they have the best bodies. I just feel more at home with my own.
I love all race of people but I think that Black is most Beautiful
and I prefer my Black folks. I can truly only be proudest when
a fine Black man is on my arm next to me.