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Real Men & The Boys Who Portray Them

Monday Jan 4, 2010 – By Sky Obercam

57444765When exactly does a boy become a man? When he reaches the age of 18 or has a certain number of children? When he can afford the “right” car? Maybe it’s when he’s (somewhat) mastered the ability to control premature ejaculation. Who knows, but the official definition of maturity is something that has reached full development, or is in perfected condition. Hmmm. This may explain why real men are so highly coveted by members of the opposite sex, they’re very appealing, and they’re a lot like a diamond in the rough.

But it’s time to get real here. There are whole lotta boys out there masquerading around as men. Age is truly nothing but a number –so why do we often allow ourselves to be deceived by matters of chronology? The term arrested development comes to mind at the very thought of grown boys out there playing the role. At the risk of going soft on these counterfeit grown-ups, it’s important to keep in mind that they may be completely unaware of their own adulthood shortcomings. Regardless, we’ve all come across these young-bucks in disguise and suffered the consequences of the deceived.

They may be in short supply, but real men are out there, and on the surface, they may appear very similar to their man-child counterparts. Check out the following tips we’ve compiled that may assist you in filtering out the phonies:

  • The man is secure within himself, and takes pride as the provider for his family. The boy allows someone else to claim that role (namely, his mommy, grandmom, or girlfriend).
  • Boys let exterior factors define them (flashy cars, bling, and the like), whereas men are defined by internal qualities such as integrity and strength.
  • Boys know how to take; Men, to give.
  • A man looks at things from a long-term perspective. His goal is not immediate gratification. He accepts responsibility for his actions.
  • Boys employ a “play ground” approach when coming at a woman they find attractive. Men don’t have time for the games, and approach women with respect.
  • Boys invent excuses for failure: Men produce strategies for success.
  • The mother is the most important woman in a boy’s life. The wife/life partner the most important in a man’s.
  • Boys are disruptive: Men bring order.
  • A boy won’t raise his own children: A man will raise his and somebody else’s.
  • A boy thinks acting tough makes him a man. A man doesn’t need to prove his manhood by means of bravado, and feels secure in being hard as well as showing vulnerability.

Ideally, a man retains the vibrancy of youth minus the self-centered immaturity. The general consensus is that regardless of the amount of body hairs he sprouts, it is selflessness, humility and consistency that make the man and when in an intimate relationship with one, the proof lies within one simple yet profound quality: Responsibility. He who relinquishes it shows his true and undeveloped nature.

Inspiration

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14 Comments – Add Yours

  1. Clnmike Clnmike says:

    Pretty good list, it usually takes a long time for a boy to navigate his way into manhood with out a role model, so a lot of the informative years are a series of trials and errors.

  2. BosLegLova BosLegLova says:

    Your list is perfect except for one word: a man takes pride in being….A…. (not the) provider for his family.

  3. a/n a/n says:

    awesome article! you hit it right on!

  4. Aura Aura says:

    Wow, best article ever. I read this so attentively and it really helped me categorize some “men” in my life. This was such a well-written article that provided so much clarity!

    Thanks! It affirmed what I already suspected in my gut.

  5. sin sin says:

    Great article! It reminded me of most of the men in my life I have been lucky to live with, be raised by and marry. There should be a list for women and girls. That would be very interesting!!!

  6. ebwriter ebwriter says:

    This article is on point! Job well done!

  7. itsblrose itsblrose says:

    Great article. It can be hard for a boy to know himself when he actually is and has become a man. Society and cultural influences don’t help in the matter and makes it even more challenging for a boy to realize and understand what a man is and when he has become one. Growing up, I couldn’t wait to turn 18, I just knew that was the point in time that I was an actual man. But that wasn’t the case, it just simply meant I had a little more lead way to do things that I couldn’t do before turning 18. The ability to truly take care of ones self, that consists of cooking my own meals, going to the grocery store to buy useful food, not cereal and junk food; being able to truly place all of the utilities in my name and actually pay the bills without being reminded by someone, filling out financial paperwork, be it for college, a loan, etc. and knowing that I was responsible for myself – not mom and dad, I had to handle all the major issues regarding myself and deal with businesses, professional people, professional entities, etc. That was the turning point for me to realize that I was a man. The point of being a provider for my mate, was just another growth in life, not a defining point of being a man. I think for most guys, it is when we realize that WE are the final decision makers in any and everything that involves us, our lives, and those who are apart of our lives.

  8. Purple Hibiscus Purple Hibiscus says:

    I love that article

  9. Royal K. Royal K. says:

    so few men, its really a shame but lots and lots of posers tho……I read a breakdown similar to this but more in depth a few years ago by a brotha

  10. Sexy Jess Sexy Jess says:

    I love this list of manly qualities. Every woman who is looking to be in a relationship should look for men like this. And woman should try to possess these qualities within themselves as well. I have found that these type of men AREN’T few and far in between. They are all around us. The problem is that we know these are the type of guys that we want, but for some reason these are not the type of guys we look for, or the type of guys that we attract. We need to understand that a man with all of these qualities will probably be looking for a woman with similar qualities. We sometimes don’t use good judgment when picking a guy. We look at the flashy car and nice clothes as a sign of success. We date a guy for a couple of weeks and think that we know enough about him to go to bed with him. We see signs of him not meeting our standards and we decide to stick around anyway. Then even when he bad habits become obvious, we decide to stick around because we’ve been together so long that we’ve become attached.

  11. mck mck says:

    I have one issue with this. A boy and a man should always put his mother first. It is not a competition when it comes to a mans girlfriend/wife and mother. His mother is first in ways a significant other can’t and his woman is first in ways a mother can’t. A real woman would know that you cannot compete with a man’s mother nor should she try, cause she would come on the short end of the stick more times than not.

    • Moi Moi says:

      When a man commits to his wife, she becomes the main woman in his life, the Bible confirms that. His mother should always be important, but his wife’s (and family’s) needs come first. Overbearing mothers always put their poor son’s to the test, lol. It’s like a list of priorities where the mother is still extremely important, but she’s no longer the central woman in her son’s life.

  12. kim kim says:

    Love it! I am sharing it with folks!!

  13. Porsha Porsha says:

    PREACH!!
    AMEN AMEN!!

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