Feature > Text Etiquette

How many times have you had a conversation via text message? Setting up dates, asking questions, getting directions, a hello and good bye, even arranging an occasional late night rendezvous. We all do it. But when does texting become extreme? Is there a limit to texting when you are in a relationship? Have you been dumped by text? Better yet, have you taken a text the wrong way? I am a part of text mania. I find myself spending twenty minutes texting what I can say in five. Yes, I booty text and yes, I have text someone to never call me again. Convenient yes, but texting is also impersonal and in many cases misunderstood. Let’s look into the realm of text messages.

I recently ended a year long relationship with someone who found no problem with text messaging me all the time. When we first started dating we were great with communicating verbally and exchanged a minor text here and there. When he moved up north our quality time suffered tremendously, so hearing his voice was the panacea until the next visit. After a while he began to text me consistently about everything; what I did that day, what I was going to do tomorrow, next day…hell next month. Before I realized it we were having an all out conversation on my cell phone via text and I had not heard his voice in months. I addressed the situation but to no avail he still continued and I eventually ended it. The funny thing about it is that he didn’t and still doesn’t see anything wrong using text messaging as a primary communication tool. I felt he was less involved in the relationship, possibly cheating or shutting me out all together. Either way, the love language we had created had been reduced to a short hand vocabulary.

Using text messaging as a means of intimacy is not a good idea. Abbreviating words and substituting conjunctions for numbers, can not take the place of hearing the voice of your loved one. Imagining the smile on their face when they say hello and in return the joy you bring to them when you respond. To put it bluntly, it murders vocal chemistry. It diminishes the memory imprint of his laugh and masculine baritone and her soft whispers and sweet hellos. Text messaging does not allow you the familiarity with your mate’s conversation because truth is anyone could be entering the letters. And if you’re already having trust issues, I would not recommend texting at all and just “make the call.”

On the flip side text messaging is used to disconnect. Yes — this is a new fad…breaking up by text. I can recall a break up in 1996 by a guy who sent me not one, not two, but three pages of 42-86-13 (in pager language: his code-cuts-my code). Yeah, that bad. Back then there was only two or three buttons to push on pagers; one to retrieve and one to delete and change settings so creativity was a must when sending notes. 86ing someone on a Motorola is by far the most creative. Nowadays, text messaging has made breaking up a little more informative. A person can use text lingo to not only tell you it’s over but also give reasons why. ‘It’s not working out’, ‘it was the end’, ‘I’m sorry I don’t want to lead you on,’ ‘it is what it is.’ Or most popular in the news: “I Wnt 2 Dvrce U” what Britney Spears supposedly text Kevin Ferderline. Be it short worded or fragmented statements, either way it’s a cowardly way out and is highly not recommended.

In fact, there are a few rules to the texting world, better termed “Text Etiquette”. Here are a few:

If you are even thinking about breaking up with someone by texting them, STOP!! Put yourself in their shoes. Would you want to be treated so cruel? Plus you might have a psycho on your hands; boiling bunnies, keying cars and sugar in tanks still happen.

Do not have an affair using text messages as secondary communication because text messages are NEVER COMPLETELY DELETED; Mr. Kilpatrick.

In closing, technology has already separated us from the dinner table, money has us running the financial race to debt and our kids are learning about sex by watching The Hills and the Tila Tequila Show. The age we live in seems to be of separation than of unity, so it is important to create new ways and actions to remind our loved ones how much they are truly appreciated and loved. Enjoy the person you are with. Love every inch of them. Give emotion through sound. Conversation is the foundation to all romance and the key to infinite life.

Talk.