Feature

T.O.N.Y. Don’t Call No More

Monday Mar 30, 2009 – By Alaina L. Lewis

Another casualty of call waiting, dangling between the lines of “answer” or “ignore.” Once, “Rockin’ That Shit Like,” and now settling for a memory of that faithful night, it was all triggered by a sway and a hip swing. It felt good at first, didn’t it? Knocked you out like a Colt 45, but left you hungover and barely breathing. Exhausted by your alibi of trying to convince your conscience that he’ll definitely remember you. Yet, the other night has finally met the dawn of a new day. That one night stand, has abandoned your virtue and left you kneeling towards actuality. T.O.N.Y. don’t call no more, because T.O.N.Y. has already forgotten you.

Relax, relate, release. You needed to expel some of that tension and release your dead energy. I understand. There’s nothing wrong with making the earth move, you just need to prepare yourself for the flip side of a negative aftershock. The thorns in your spine are urging you to forget that sexual residue. Victimized by your thighs, yet eclipsed by the impossibility; is it possible to move past “the other night,” or should you really expect a stranger to call you?

So you were bumping Usher before you went out and found yourself in search of that Love In This Club. I get it folks. Some of us have quietly subscribed to that therapeutic sexual melody. Yet, depending upon your personality, you need to see if you can deal with the reality, of the good, the bad and the ugly, of settling in for one night only.

The Good:
There comes a point in your adult life when that “make believe” game we used to play from the days of Sesame Street pushes you further from the joys of fantasy and shifts you closer to that need to show and tell. You may want that special someone, but just haven’t met your perfect match. But like a Maxi Priest song, you still want to hear, “I just want to be close to you, and do all the things you want me to.” Like most things in life, what we want isn’t always readily available. But since we live in a generation where people are more open to sharing is caring, that grownup craving you desire is usually just a mutual need away. It’s called “getting some friction off”, or “GSFO”, which is a direct result of its precursor known as “MLAOF” (my loins are on fire). Please don’t mistake this urge with a well known STD. This is that itch you need scratched, or that fire you need extinguished. This is that feeling that won’t go away and can’t wait for a boyfriend to come around and fix it. So you find yourself linking up with T.O.N.Y. and for a moment, cloud nine feels better than being lonely. You got your “Good Good”, and honey now you feel good, and so T.O.N.Y.’s out the door leaving you to anticipate the possibility of him coming back for more.

The Bad:
While you’re juking to your iPod and spinning tracks to calm the afterglow, let’s fast forward a bit to tomorrow and trace the tears of your possible emotions.

You felt good, but now you feel dirty.

You got what you wanted, but now you feel ashamed.

He seemed cool, but you don’t know if he can take you seriously.

You’re hoping to rewind the moment, and add in the element where he actually gets to know you.

You think; If he comes back for a second time, then technically it can’t be considered a one night stand. (Um… Think again).

Unless you’re numb to the aftershock that resides between the sheets, then feeling bad is more certain than wondering if he’ll call you any time this week.

The Ugly:

That uncool feeling and the complex possibilities of rendering your loins to that one night only.
Were you moving so quick that you forgot to protect yourself from the raindrops or are you drenched in confusion because you swore the jacket he used would’ve worked?
The only thing worse than laying next to a stranger whose last name you don’t even remember, is standing alone in the line at the clinic to get tested. Truth is, you don’t really know where T.O.N.Y. has been and without a background check you may be asking for an STD.
Being unsafe can lead to more than just blood tests and antibiotics, nine months later you could be giving your child this stranger’s name.
A lot of one night stands are the result of the other party cheating, so what came to you so easy, may be attached to someone else on the other end. He may have just “broke you off,” but you better hope his girl doesn’t find out and break your windows.

Just remember one thing before you come in contact with T.O.N.Y.: If you can’t trust a stranger to hold your wallet after payday, then how can you give them full access to the most priceless part of your body? Think about it.

Alivia says:

March 30, 2009 at 10:20 am

Great post! I’m sure it will open eyes for many. And for those that have been down this path already, it will probably take them back down to memory lane, whether good or bad.

Solange did an excellent job in the video. The song, self explanatory. Thank you for sharing this piece.

↑ Reply

Mz.ktoure says:

March 30, 2009 at 11:45 am

LOVED IT!!!!!

Viv says:

March 30, 2009 at 3:14 pm

This is was too funny! loved it :)

Sandy says:

March 30, 2009 at 3:16 pm

Smooth flow. Poetic. Liked this piece. And yes, I too am guilty as charged of doing this. Sometimes it’s just hard to wait for that special someone. I’ve felt the good, the bad, and yes in deed THE UGLY. Loved it. Thanks Clutch

Sara says:

March 30, 2009 at 4:07 pm

Wow, loving this, so real

ceecee says:

March 30, 2009 at 9:09 pm

I learned this the hard way too. I hope people read this and learn.

angie says:

March 30, 2009 at 11:29 pm

THAT WAS INTERESTING, TRUE AS WELL. I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT, WISH I DIDN’T THOUGH, BUT THEY ALL THE SAME HERE AS WELL THERE, ONE NIGHT STANDS ARE NOT HOT.

Shawna says:

April 1, 2009 at 4:03 am

I have been through the good and the bad; however, I’ve been fortunate enough to miss the ugly. Every time I leave the house of that T.O.N.Y. or he leaves mine I’m always left with the…I can’t do this anymore. Nonetheless, days later, I’m back going through the address book to call upon my faithful T.O.N.Y. It’s lonely when you’re up late at night and you channel surf pass a love scene or a romantic comedy and all you have are your couch pillows. Damn all those pillows!

I don’t think this article will steer me away from pressing call or going out to prowl in the night; however, I hope to one day fill that void with another pass time.

LOVE the video. Solange was just in Austin for SXSW. Ugh, sorry I missed her now.

Geneva says:

April 4, 2009 at 1:43 pm

Great article! I love Clutchmag!