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White Girl Regret
There are all kinds of Black men who walk around with vanilla arm candy. There’s the one with a sambo-wide smile, proud as a peacock to have a flaxen-haired, porcelain-skinned goddess by his side for the singular fact that she is just that.
Clearly his upgrade from the Tanishas, Shaquanas and LaToyas he crushed on in elementary school, took to dances and proms as a teenager and maybe even smashed in his college dorm room, this fair maiden is a personification of every piece of social conditioning he’s internalized since he was old enough to watch a MTV music video. You know about this guy already (cough, cough Ochofreakin’cinco).
He’s on the red carpet all the time, beaming his veneered athlete/actor/rapper/singer/politician/preacher/high-ranking successful professional guy smile, hand-in-hand with his prized possession. This dude wants the world to see how much he’s come up since he switched from Essence to Cosmopolitan. Much as we like to analyze, demonize and verbally firebomb him, that’s not who we’re talking about this time.
As bold as the aforementioned group is in their devotion, there are other brothers who seem a little uncertain about their decision to swap Godiva Chocolate for Twinkie filling. You may have seen them: they wear their internal struggle on their faces when they have Becky in tow, averting and avoiding eye contact with any sister within a 200 foot radius, opting to count the number of pebbles in the cobblestone sidewalk rather than exchange glances with a homegirl. They seem almost apologetic about their decision to hop the border, which is both intriguing and baffling to me.
For some reason, nowhere—NOwhere—is this phenomenon on more of a display than Wal-mart. I don’t know what it is about that hotbed of super savings that attracts these on-the-fence brothers but sure as I have a set of soup coolers, there is always a man scuffling down the aisles, 10 to 20 steps ahead of his Snow White. She plods along, totally unhip to the grappling that’s clearly going on in her man’s head. Chalk it up to yet another thing she’ll never quite understand, like driving while Black. Meanwhile he’s nervous, tentative, cagey, like he may be slapped in the back of the head with a handful of enlightenment if he doesn’t keep his guard up. But the question is: why do it if you’re going to be ashamed about it?
We go through adolescence chomping at the bit to take the reigns from our parents so that we can make our own choices for our own lives. That includes who we want to date, who we want to lay down with at night, who want to cuddle up with, hit on and lay up under. Now, if these brothers find themselves questioning their relationships, they might need to examine why. Did they think dating a white woman would be easier? Were they scorned by a sister and swore them off like Hoodoo curses? Was there some ulterior motive for their coupledom that’s somehow haunting them?
I’ve never really written about interracial dating before. It’s a subject so sensitive to so many people that it’s a dangerous can of worms to open, even in general conversation. Sisters are cocked and loaded with resentment and bitterness, brothers are drunk off of generalizations and insensitivity and the conversation—whenever, wherever—gets ugly. Fast. As for me and myself, I love the look of Black love. I smile whenever I see my boyfriend’s milk chocolate fingers intertwined with mine. But trust and believe if I was ever to jump ship and get me an Adam or a Brock, there would be no hangdoggin’ about the decision I made to try something new.
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you have your mind twisted.
it’s articles like this that keeps racism alive.
Good Post! If you’re truly comfortable with your decision it wouldn’t matter what others think of your mate.
LOL @ danisha, how funny… I notice this too, & I kinda giggle inside @ how uncomfortable some guys seem when they’re in this situation. Hell, sometimes I avert my gaze just to make it easier on them & let them know I’m not trippin’ at all so just RELAX. It’s interesting…
More interracial stuff? Didn’t we get enough from the Ochocinco article? One week without interracial stuff, please?
Agreed. Based on what I’ve been reading on blogs that cater to Black women lately, you’d think we’re obsessed with this topic. Newsflash: we’re not!
This article made me giggle because I too have seen fellas with a snow bunny on their arm and as soon as they see me, they look like they’re going to piss their pants. It’s not that serious dude. I don’t represent all black women so if it’s a reaction you’re looking for, it’s not going to come from me. On the other hand, be proud of who you’re dating. If you react all skittish when you see me, perhaps you need to check yourself.
I like your screen name!…lol
I think the interracial dating articles can be overkill but I digress….
These men crack me up. I thought I was the only one that noticed guys that act like this. I guess they expect me to hiss and throw rocks at them as they walk by. It aint that damn serious.
@Just Me–my thoughts exactly
I think love comes in all colors, but don’t be a black person who doesn’t believe in dating your own race…I think that is self hate. I also don’t agree that it is okay to date a white nanny, but not to date a Black or Hispanic nanny. It seems like that if they date within their race, her job cannot be a simple job but when they date outside their race they date waitresses, nannys, groupies, etc… It seems like it is a higher expectation within the race that doesn’t exist when they date outside the race.
Pandering!!!!!!
In my experience there may be a FEW black men who have second thoughts, but most BM I know in IRRs are happy with their choice living their lives, gone, left, done, through and over the BC.
That is the new world and I think we should deal with it…with the lights on.
Yes! So glad I’m not the only one who has seen this. I like in a predominately white suburb and every time (yes every single time) I come across a black man with a non black woman, he’s shuffling and darting his eyes like he expects me to confront him. Uh, no dude. I don’t care. Now stop blocking the aisle. I’ve seen dudes stare at the ceiling, pull out their phones, unhook their hands or arms from the girl, everything. Like…what?
Maybe they’re so used to getting negative reactions from other black women, but that seems strange in this area because, well, it’s nothing unusual. IR relationships are everywhere, both with Black men AND women.
Its called: INTERNAL CONFLICT and it has nothing to do with you or I.
Definitions of internal conflict on the Web:
•occurs when the protagonist struggles within himself or herself. The protagonist is pulled by two courses of action or by differing emotions, which frequently leads to a dynamic change in the character.
http://www.iclasses.org/assets/literature/literary_glossary.cfm
•is a struggle between opposing needs, desires, or emotions within a single character.
cueflash.com/decks/english_1_hon._terms
•A conflict that takes place within the mind if a character.
cms.springbranchisd.com/LinkClick.aspx
•struggle within yourself about a problem (In “On the Bridge”
adavidson.wiki.hoover.k12.al.us/file/view/Literary+Terms.doc/97239662/Literary+Terms.doc
•a problem within a character (character vs. self).
www2.newton.k12.ma.us/~rebecca_mayrand/S02A7800F.0/REFERE~1.DOC
As a black woman who has always dreamed to marry a black man, I don’t care about these articles anymore. I have widened my dating pool to all races and I’m loving it! I for one am not going to sit around and wait until a black man approach me and want to court me. I want to have love in my life and have to be more open.
The black man can have his white woman….it’s time to stop thinking of black on black relationships. Black men have ventured off, everyone else should try to do the same.
I concur
No more IR articles either because believe it or not, these stories put black women in an ugly light and it’s not fair esp when those with a healthy selt-esteem could care less
I can’t say that I’ve seen black men with white women acting skittish or ashamed when they are together. Maybe its where I’m located in the country, which honestly does have a noticeable amount of interracial relationships.
This article does open up another line of conversation in the heated debate about interracial relationships, but I don’t agree with its generalization. Not all people who date outside of their race are jumping out of their skin when in the presence of their same race counterparts.
Though, Ochocinco does irritate me because when asked about his preferences, he just comes off sounding unintelligent and not very sincere in how he feels. IMHO
I’m a white woman in a relationship with a black man, and think some men may avoid direct eye contact because they’ve had bad situations in the past. For example, I’ve been out walking with my boyfriend and had a car full of women stop and yell to him, “what are you doing with that white girl?” and then drive off. I’ve also been out to eat with him only to look over and see a woman with her friends shaking her head at him as if he should be ashamed of himself. These are definitely rare instances – majority of men and women don’t care about my or his color (or at least don’t show it) – but I think it’d possibly be enough to make some avoid eye contact.
His reaction to those sticking their opinions into our relationship? He stands up for me and our relationship. But I know for me, sometimes it’s just easier to just look at him and pretend those disapproving looks aren’t happening around us.
Im sorry that you’ve had ppl react like that dawn, thats not fair
Thanks for perpetuating the myth that all Black women OBSESS over are Black men dating interracially.
The article writer says she has never written an IR article before-well in all honesty I skimmed over this one. But I guarantee she has not said anything that hasn’t been written a gazillion times on every freakin’ Black female blog I have read over the past year. I took a break from them for a few months, when I started again it was the samo-OMG BREAKING NEWS—BLACK MEN ARE NOT DATING JUST US ANYMORE—
Write about the economy, foreign films, traveling abroad—-but stop doing the lazy Black female writer meme by inflating Black male egos, and making us all look freaking desperate. It’s tired as hell.
The one thing that has helped me see things differently as a black woman who always dreamed of marrying a black man, was, of all things, an episode of The Cleavland Show cartoon of which the topic was race. The 5 year old asked his teenage sister why she didn’t find a nice black guy to date instead of the white boy she was dating. Her response “Do I look like a Hispanic or Asian chick to you?” As if it was absurd to limit herself to a category that non-independent, often times submissive to a fault (at least this is the way the media portrays them) women find themselves in when CHOOSING to be with a black men themselves white women included. Are we chasing waterfalls by wanting all the “good black men” to ourselves?
The way she said this had me thinking about the subject for days. I realized that my old way of thinking was neither traditional or even important. I see the younger generation happy to be themselves comfortable in their skin whatever color it happens to be, and comfortable with their hard earned success. No apologies on our part, no excuses on his part. I felt old and bitter watching that cartoon and I realized I needed to broaden my horizons when it came to love, sex and relationships. Isn’t that the true meaning of equal opportunity?
And in regards to the article I noticed this behavior as well but in my opinion it has more to do with what kind of a loser the guy is more than him being ashamed of the actual (white) girl. If he got away with being trash when he was with a black girl people were less likely to notice because there were plenty of excuses that could be made for him, now that he is with a white girl he may seem transparent, every flaw magnified because of his choice to be with a woman outside his race. Just another way of looking at it.
I know exactly what you are talking about. I was at the grocery store a couple of days ago. The brother was walking at least 5 steps ahead of his wife/gf and when he say me it was like he had seen a ghost. I don’t know, maybe my natural hair adds something to it too, maybe he thought I was militant, lol.
But anyway I agree. If you are going to act ashamed than you shouldn’t be dating the person, black or white.
kinda tired of hearing about this discussion…i’ll date any man that is worthy, i expect guys to date whoever they want. i have lots of friends in interracial relationships, with asians blacks etc, and i take offence to your first characterization. maybe these guys are “proud as a peacock” because they found LOVE and they are proud of their mate, no matter what their skin color. let’s not talk about interracial dating anymore because frankly it just tires me out and pisses me off! i don’t judge a brother with a white girl because i would hate for a brother to judge me with my asian guy. maybe he’s not trying to show off that he’s won some magical white chic prize but he’s just happy he found someone he clicked with! check yourself clutch…