Feature

Why Do Men Love Assets?

Monday Jun 15, 2009 – By Zettler Clay

200513383-004 Indulge with me as I embark on a soliloquy, a stream of consciousness if you will, to try explain away contemporary maleness that masquerades as responsible behavior. When I go into the grocery and into the meat section, my inspection eye is activated. I am discriminating, only picking the best quality of meat that I can, in whatever size I want. There are a variety of beef to choose from and I like mine a certain way.

It is here where the conversation shifts to the main point, a salient fact that is known by every woman and understood by every man: Men love assets. What’s our deal? What planet are we from? Why do men generally view women as a piece of meat? Want to see something funny: Stand with a group of guys while they are conversing and notice the nonverbal cues and their facial contortions when any female walks by. Hilarity. It doesn’t matter what they’re talking about: sports, family, the North Korean nuclear threat, whatever. Heads will turn and enact what a friend of mine, John Richards, calls The Domino Effect. He pointed this out in a very indicting missive a couple of years ago. He probably doesn’t even remember it, but I do. Below is a passage from that piece:

So many of us men have learned the behavior of the infamous domino syndrome or head turn. That’s one of the complaints that I hear from many sisters nowadays. They hate to walk by a group of men. Because they feel like every male in that group is going to do what has been characterized as “what men do”. That is, look at her butt when she passes by. And these are women who don’t wear provocative clothing, so the provocative clothing argument does not carry weight.

It’s an complex phenomena, where the root is untraceable and the end is unforeseeable. And you know what? The chick doesn’t even have to be a looker. A good asset will turn even the most beauty-challenged females into objects worthy of capture to men. Is this an inborn trait or something that is acquired through the perverse inclinations of society?

Like Sir Mix-A-Lot, I cannot lie. I fall prey to this too. Every serious girlfriend I’ve had has boasted some worthy assets. I tell myself that that singular trait had nothing to do with it, that these women all had cerebral qualities that attracted me to them, but I’d make Geppetto proud if I fully believed that. As much as I’d like to think that I’m not a pawn of culture, the truth of the matter is that in some respects, we are all very much pawns. Coming to grips with that is the best way to overcome it. Then on second thought, I’m not even sure I want to overcome it; maybe that’s why I wrote this piece some time ago, to convince women to embrace thickness for our viewing pleasure.

The anatomy of the female body is a beautiful piece of art. Nobody would dare disdain the aesthetics of van Gogh or Warhol, just as a man (or woman in some cases) wouldn’t shun the beauty of a female shape. To do that would make me somewhat of a masochist, and aside from watching Fox News occasionally, I’d like to keep my self-loathing to a minimum. But I wonder: Has there ever been a woman who I’ve played to the left because of that extra piece of flesh sticking out from behind? I’m pressed to think of one personally, but I do know many men who have turned down what they call “stick figures” and went after “the fine piece of ass.”

And that’s where it goes wrong.

I know what it is. Sex. It’s always about sex. A big booty is more handy in the horizontal world than the vertical.

To call that thinking shameful is too easy and to write it off as human nature is too enabling. It is merely a result of a value system that is out of whack. What do you value in a relationship more: eye candy or mind candy? Physical titillation or intellectual titillation? Something time-traveling, rhyme javelin or mind unraveling or curvaceous pleasure that struggles to sustain with the passing of time?

Both can be had, but that’s a delicate line. Us men…we aren’t that delicate. We tend to choose sexual “stability” over any other kind of stability. When do we ever get things right the first time? In theory, the attractive intellectual type is what we call wifey material. But as soon as wifey material is had, the voluptuous one still turns heads.

Ever catch a married man do this? A dismal sight indeed. If I received a nickel… you know where this is going. Black men are fighting hard to maintain a monopoly on this involuntary motor skill. There are some of my Caucasoid and Asian and Hispanic brethren who like it thick, but black men got it bad.

Women, here’s a simple test: When you first meet a man, on your first date or whatever, walk in front of him for about six seconds…then quickly turn around. If you catch his eye scramble to meet your eye, then you got one afflicted by The Domino Effect. This isn’t something that should automatically disqualify him, though it is something to not forget. I know what you’re thinking now. “If he is prone to look at other women, he is definitely not a guy I want.” But fret not, he can be salvaged.

It’ll take something akin to rehab to do so, but it can happen. In the meantime women, you have to fend in a world where men try to stack on the assets and limit their “liabilities”. Perhaps this is why men dominate Wall Street. After all, it is our love of assets that got us into this economic quagmire in the first place.

Check out the video below and pay special attention to the 2:00 mark. Check out the toddler. Nature or nurture?

NinaG says:

June 15, 2009 at 11:23 am

I should’ve stopped reading this article when you began by analogizing shopping for meat to the lustful behavior of men in public spaces but I sincerely hoped you were going to turn this article around. Someone once said that sex is the only thing men are socialized to believe they have no control over. I would challenge everyone who believes in this ‘domino effect’ to really think about the implications of this – for me, it’s never a compliment to be stared at by men.

I also don’t like the fact this ‘Afrocentric’ standard of beauty (i.e., the big booty) is being pushed on black women. I’m a thin black woman, I shouldn’t feel less attractive because I don’t have an ass. If we are going to appreciate the female body as art, then the appreciation should be for all shapes, sizes, textures, and colors.

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thinkpink says:

June 15, 2009 at 11:56 am

Articles like this are exhausting. Men will always be men. And they will always love looking at beautiful women. Race has nothing to do with it. We look good and so they stare. It’s been that way since the dawn of time. Women should just accept this and move on. Besides, if you walked past a group of men and they didn’t look I bet there would be some major complaining about that.

Sana says:

June 15, 2009 at 12:08 pm

I really liked this piece! Cause whether you like it or not. Dudes – especially BLACK dudes act a fool over butt. Anytime you go to the club or anywhere and a group of black men see a woman with a booty they act a fool.

Great piece! I swear some people find things wrong with everything. This is KNOWN by women especially black women, if it wasn’t women would not be trying to get butt implants.

Lauren says:

June 15, 2009 at 12:14 pm

I agree. Black men can look so hard or care about butts so much that they become rude. I always wanted to know why they CARE so much about a womans “assets”. My brother even told me if a woman he dates does NOT have a butt he will not give her the time of day. Now that’s sad. It’s sad cause they pass by so many other good women or a potential mate cause they are so enthralled with some woman’s butt and nothing else.

I also hate going out and seeing that one girl with the big butt get pretty much stalked by men because of her butt, it does not look good for our men to do that.

Anisha says:

June 15, 2009 at 3:07 pm

I’m a size 10, with boobs, hips, nice waistline but wait for it……NO booty!!! Let me tell you, this effects my self-esteem TREMENDOUSLY. It really hurts when I hear my guy friends say I have a pretty face and personality but brothas probably look over me because of my noassatall. I really wish I could measure up to the ideal body shape but what I do have in abundance of (boobs) black guys seem to abhor. I’ve tried squats, lunges and nothing is making my booty poke out. I don’t even like going out with my girls anymore because they get all the attention. I hate to sound like a debbie downer but I just wish I could find one guy that could appreciate my body and not pick on me or choose not to date me because I lack a donk.

mkrob.com says:

June 15, 2009 at 3:51 pm

@Anisha No lie, guys love the booty, but at the end of the day, a REAL man would not overlook you because your so called “noassatall”, a REAL man will step to you and want to get to know you for you, not because of your assets or lack there of. Someone will want you and love you, don’t worry about all that. @mkrob

Zettler says:

June 15, 2009 at 4:20 pm

Anisha,

That is very unfortunate and actually quite disconcerting. That was the main reason I chose to write this piece; only in the black community are the dudes this discriminating with respect to the gluteus. All men have preferences no doubt, which is cool because females have preferences too, but to exclude somebody who might be otherwise charming and intelligent because of something she can’t control? Unfair. But you know what? It also weeds out those who isn’t in your best interest. And at the end of the day, it’s all about having someone who has your best interest at heart. What’s one man’s liability is another’s asset, to borrow a saying…

Clnmike says:

June 15, 2009 at 6:44 pm

What kind of propganda is this? Men are supposed to be ashamed for admiring the physical qualities they like in a woman? I can understand staring and gawking can be too much and make a woman uncomfortable, but not look at all? Going back to African culture men have been condition to appreciate a thick woman as a sign of good health and or wealth which now fuels the sexual attraction. Thats any where you go and find a black man. When a man sees a woman of course the first thing he will see is her physically, that causes you to approach and find out what she is about than make your determination if she is worth it or not, and women KNOW THAT, and they play to that, or else they all would walk out the house looking like some hot garbage.
Now that is not to say all black men are going after thick women some like them slim, but there going to look at them like others would look at thick women. It’s nature. When men stop looking at women that when you have a problem. Cold day in hell before I stop saying hi to a pretty lady walking by.

Nu Girl says:

June 15, 2009 at 9:38 pm

Sister please understand this, a booty does not quarantee love. While it may get you plenty of attention from brothers standing on street corners and brothers in general, it will not guarantee that you will attract a quality man who will love and respect you. I know plenty of sisters with large round backsides who are unhappy and involved with men who neither love nor respect them. A quality man of whatever race will be attracted to a quality women. A quality man will take more into consideration when choosing his mate than the size of her rear end. It sounds like your confidence has been hampered due to the years of feeling inadequate so get your crown back and wear it proudly (as a sister friend of mine would say). Carry yourself with style, grace, elegance and confidence and the right man will notice.

Quality over Quantity!

Peace!

Tiffany W. says:

June 15, 2009 at 9:44 pm

I found this article to be rambling to justify why it is okay to talk about a part of a woman’s body. It was very uncomfortable. That didn’t make me feel good at all! I wish a guy would go as wild for me being in school or not shooting up in a public bathroom, rather than me having a behind. What talent does having a booty require? I find praise for it to be dumb. So dumb, that it makes women who have booties feel bad and women who don’t have booties feel bad. Yeah, I’m getting my feminism on. Whut?!

Trina says:

June 15, 2009 at 11:38 pm

Wow. It never amazes me how much people overreact. In fact, I knew the type of responses I would read as soon as I saw the picture. I must admit, I expected to read a half-defense of male primitive behavior; instead I read a real assessment of a male’s psyche. I didn’t get the sense that the author was making excuses; in fact he was pretty even-handed in his ambivalence of his actions (girlfriends, art analogies, masochism) and his “this is a result of a value system out of whack” sentence.

Nice use of stream of consciousness in depicting the duality of a complex issue. As someone stated earlier, there are psychological and anthropological studies that support the “Domino Effect” and a male’s inability to shake it. In fact, a male’s inability to shake it contributes into other phases of his life, namely sports, business achievements and overall drive. So cutting one thing does not guarantee overall success.

All of this just a long way of saying that this issue is much deeper than men being primitive and uncouth. This is a psycho-cultural issue, which is larger than the men in it.

Rashana says:

June 16, 2009 at 12:22 pm

I see nothing wrong with men being attractive to our assests…we women should be making sure their assests are up to par as well. :)

Clutch Fanatic says:

June 16, 2009 at 12:43 pm

Trina I totally agree. This was the most eloquent/open/respectful article I have read when it has come to this subject. He (the author) is in no way giving men an excuse, but looking at this from all sides. Great article again.

Dede @ Clutch says:

June 16, 2009 at 1:09 pm

Well I don’t really have a butt, so I feel bad for the guys that see me coming and stop to “check me out” and are disappointed when they lay their eyes on my butt. I just want to scream out before they stop and stare — “nothing to see back there!”

Now, I will say when me and Nicole (Atlanta “show off my butt Nicole”…lol) go out she gets the crazy attention cause of her butt! We usually get about the same attention until she has to get up or wear something to showcase her “assets” – which makes me wanna beat her up and cover her butt up with a moo moo dress. Nicole please stop trying to show your booty off when we go out so I can get some attention and a date! DANG! (just kidding…lol)

T-J says:

June 17, 2009 at 3:25 am

To NinaG,

What you call not having an ass, is what I call what a right minded man understands as being at the foundation of something of truly genuine substance. in other words; having nothing to do with such considerations.

We are not our bodies first and foremost, but light itself. Our bodies are a reflection of our awareness of this light. And the more close we are to this awareness the “lighter” we travel on the non physical plane. Why should this not extend into the physical as well? If more people confronted this, do you think there would be so much hassle for someone as yourself? They say the greatest flower blooms in adversity. In this case, the adversity is societal disconnect from what you naturally understand. If you feel me let me know…

Namaste

Cdubb says:

June 17, 2009 at 2:35 pm

IA with Trina. This is a good article. I am a fan of a fine man asset. So, if women can look, men can look. Women are more subtle about it. Men don’t have to stare but married or single they will look. As long as they follow my “Look Don’t Touch” rule, I’m cool. You can’t touch a piece of fine art in a gallery, so don’t touch me!

Jst1BlckMn says:

June 18, 2009 at 4:05 pm

Ladies, we are very sensitive to and therefore react to the Afrikan female body because it is sexually arousing.

What am I supposed to do about it ? Cut off my balls ?

Personally for me, if I see it, I look. I take a brief glance. It’s almost an innate, uncontrollable reaction. Simple. I don’t gawk.

Certain brothers that take more than a glance need to check themselves and the women that exploit the attention they get by provoking those self same type of brothers by dressing provocatively need to think about the influential standards they’re setting, especially to the young, and the signals they’re sending out to the wider world of Afrikan women. The importance of the latter is so so so so important especially in this age of global digital media.

It is not a means to judge a person however or a pre requisite to engage in a relationship (to a degree). In fact, of the two relationships I have had both women didn’t necessarily have the biggest assets in the world; they were assets.

I hope Afrikan women take it as a sign of appreciation. There is nothing like it in the world.

It is ours.

Tash says:

June 18, 2009 at 6:34 pm

@Anisha

Sister I understand you. lol Sure, I have a little something nice, but it’s certainly nothing to brag about. I’m tall, nice sized breasts, attractive, hips, thighs (to name the physical). Sure I get noticed…until my best friend walks in behind me; she has a behind that could battle Serena, and might just win. Can I blame the men? Shoot, sometimes I catch myself looking at it. Lol And I know, it can cause insecurities.

But what can you do other than love and accept yourself. Unless you’re going to take the risk of plastic surgery, you might as well embrace it. You’re more then a piece of tail, we as black women all are. Even my same friend can tell you, it gets tiring. Sure there are some women that use it to their advantage, but there are many who have more to offer to a man, yet always they are reduced to the size of their behinds.

You can’t purchase confidence, strength, integrity, intellect, class, and self respect/love, and in my experience, one thing a good man is sure to notice is confidence. Confidence and self love can rival any big booty. And those that miss out because they’re caught up in the search for biggest booty miss out…their loss.

MKRob’s Fave Five Reads Of The Week | MKRob’s Sports Blog says:

June 19, 2009 at 6:55 pm

[...] Clutch Magazine’s – Why Do Men Love Assets? [...]

Alicia says:

June 21, 2009 at 2:22 pm

This has nothing to do with socialization. Humans as a species are hard-wired to seek out the best mating partners. It’s instinctual. A girl could not be the best looking or the most intelligent; she could be a looker and smart as hell, but her shape is usually the best indicator of health/desirability in terms of producing offspring (and all of this is happening on a subconscious level because I KNOW most men aren’t considering kids when looking at women in the grocery store. LOL).

Blame evolution, not your upbringing. No one should be mad or ashamed about it.

William says:

June 22, 2009 at 2:07 am

Its like this to me as a man on this subject. There are women of ALL SIZES and shapes who have that big butt that I daydream about. There are women of ALL SIZES that dont. Ive always said that a womans butt dont have to be PERFECTLY SHAPED and SUPER BIG AND PLUMP but HAVE SOMETHING FOR ME TO LOOK AT BACK THERE! I mean women always talk about HARDBODIES AND LONG DINGALINGS! We men come in all shapes and sizes and some have it and some dont. I guess the thought process of this article means well but come on look at some of our AFRICAN SISTERS in CERTIAN TRIBES and COUNTRIES. THE BUTT TAKES CENTER STAGE!

olap says:

July 1, 2009 at 11:18 pm

I’ve heard about this interest in assets several times before and I must say that this was the most articulate explanation I’ve read thus far. It’s funny because I totally understand Anisha’s point. I too am a Black woman with no butt. This too has impacted my self-reflection since I was 12. AT this point in my life I’ve continued receiving messages through media, men, and even women, about this phenomenon but I’ve simply ignored it. I have no butt, deal with it. But at the same time, this makes me wonder…is my likelihood of finding a Black man to be in a fruitful relationship smaller because they need assets? Does this mean that most likely I won’t find love or a fruitful relationship unless I look outside of our race? That’s the matter that saddens me because deep down, I have yet to really encounter such Black men who look beyond that and see me for me. I’m not trying to make this a personal attack against Black men, but its just something that concerns me.